1 week into sleep training 6 month old - help!

[ThoughtIKnewBetter]

I know this topic has been done to death but a bit of help would be great!

Our 6 month old has always been a terrible sleeper and to make a very long story a little bit shorter, after weeks on end of waking between every 20 minutes to 2 hours with very little being done to soothe him, we "decided" to sleep train him with the Ferber method. (We were discussing the option, when this one night there was actually nothing I could do to calm him and get him to sleep so I had to just leave him and check and dived right into Ferber). He is definitely not an easy going baby so I used smaller intervals than the standard Ferber ones because he gets quickly distressed, although our presence does very little to calm him, I would rather physically check to see if he's ok. First night, he slept 6 hours, longest stretch since he was 3 months old. 2nd night not so good but nights 3, 4 and 5 got progressively better, when on night 5 he woke twice for a feed and went back down without any fuss. He has been slow to gain weight so I'm not comfortable giving the feeds up all together. I have also been doing the same for naps which have usually only had 5 minutes of crying before he goes off, but they are nearly all still only 30-45 minutes long.

NOW the problem is that the last 2 nights, nights 6 and 7 have been absolutely attrocious. He has woken up so many times and done his usual scream. He does eventually settle himself but it can sometimes be for only 10 minutes before he starts again, it is not restful for any of us. The best he did last night was one 3 hour stretch followed by another 2 and that was pretty much the only real sleep we had.

I suppose I am wondering if anyone has any insight - is this simply an "extinction burst" type thing that we have to power through, is he poorly/teething/cold etc, am I making it too confusing for him by still feeding him periodically or is this method simply not going to work for us? If it's the latter I do not know what else to try as this was our last resort! I doubt myself everytime he wakes and screams and I am entering a downward spiral in my very sleep deprived state 😬

Is he your first child? To me it sounds like there might be something going on if you being there doesn't sooth him.
I thought the Ferber method was frowned upon now anyway?

I won't give advice on sleep training as I think it's an awful thing especially with such a young baby

However if he's waking that often and you're unable to soothe him at all, might there be something causing it?

Allergy, constipation, pain etc?

My daughter used to wake hourly and I couldn't calm her down, she'd be so distressed and it turned out to be cows milk allergy giving her bad stomach pain, leaving her to cry wouldn't have helped her

Another one that won't comment on sleep training as I don't agree with it either, but my LO suffered a lot with teething at that age and woke every 20m, only sleeping longer stretches with pain relief but even then night wake ups were at least 3-4 times a night.

What are you expecting your 6m old's sleep to be like at this point?

It’s not considered to be great. No method of leaving a child to cry is but those who do use it say it’s for 12 months plus.

OP, have you spoken to your HV?

That isn't right atall. None of my children stopped screaming when I tried to comfort them in the cot it was better to leave them because they just want you to get them out. Please don't get the op thinking there is more to this it's completely normal.

That isn't right atall. None of my children stopped screaming when I tried to comfort them in the cot it was better to leave them because they just want you to get them out. Please don't get the op thinking there is more to this it's completely normal.

That isn't right atall. None of my children stopped screaming when I tried to comfort them in the cot it was better to leave them because they just want you to get them out. Please don't get the op thinking there is more to this it's completely normal.

You’ll read a lot of rubbish on here but ferber from 6 months is fine

The problem you have is that your baby doesn’t know when he will get fed if he wakes up crying. For a baby it’s mixed messages that sometimes he wakes up and has to go back to sleep and other times he gets the crutch of a feed. Are you doing the feeds as dream feeds?

id stick with it as baby sleep isn’t linear but the general pattern is an improvement. Give it 2 weeks to properly bed in.

you could always give him calpol before bed just in case, plus do dream feed. so you know when he wakes up it’s because he can’t get himself back to sleep rather than teething / hungry etc

@youarntaguest but if they are screaming because they want you to pick them up, why wouldn't you respond to their needs rather than leave them to cry because otherwise they'll want you ☹️

It is developmentally normal for infants to wake at night. It helps protect them from SIDS, and ensures they get enough nutrition for their growing bodies. I agree that if you being there doesn't soothe them (so long as you are picking up and cuddling and trying to soothe and not just standing next to the cot?) I would assume they're in pain and seek the reason why.

We are a science minded family and have done plenty of research into this method of sleep training, actual research not just opinion based, but thank you for your non-comments.

@ShirleyPhallus and @youarntaguest thank you for the sensible responses. He is our second child, my older daughter was also a terrible sleeper but we could rock her/feed her to sleep or at least to comfort her and we were completely happy to do so. She eventually got a little better from 9/10 months on. I would be happy to do the same again with my son, but it just doesn't make a difference. He ends up screaming in our arms for up to an hour, as opposed to crying in his cot for 5 minutes or so. After almost 7 months I think we have learnt that he wants to be asleep and doesn't want to be fussed with but can't get there himself. When he was tiny he didn't always want to be held and would calm down once you put him down. Every child is different.
With his slow weight gain we have been regulars at the doctors, including a gastroenterologist and dietitian as it was questioned if he could have reflux or CMPA etc but each time the doctors say he is ok.

I am not trying this method because I want him to sleep through the night, I am more than happy to wake up with him but none of the other things we have tried have soothed him so it seemed worth a try at getting him to learn to soothe himself. Our research and our doctors says at this age they are capable of learning how. And it did seem to be working for a few days but now feeling a bit lost!

I've not been doing dreamfeeds, I've actually never tried them with either as they are both such light sleepers and breastfed, I didn't really imagine it would work! Perhaps that's an error though. I'll try Calpol tonight and see if it helps so we'll know one way or another if there's something else going on.

I did ferber. My lo still calls for me in night. She's not well at the moment and can assure you she calls me.

I would try a dream feed, may find they take a good feed until early hours. There is a formula that I think its ferber gives when to feed lo in the night.

Maybe pop some teething gel on to? Just to check obvious. Is lo not cold? I have been chilly last few nights.

Have you tried some pink noise? Or white noise? May help?
Sorry if repeating only glanced at others comments.

My lo is a light sleeper. Loud pink noise through speaker helps massively.

That isn't right atall. None of my children stopped screaming when I tried to comfort them in the cot it was better to leave them because they just want you to get them out. Please don't get the op thinking there is more to this it's completely normal.

I don't think you can feed some times and not others. No wonder little one is crying. They don't know if they are going to get fed or not. I would wait until you are ready to give up the night feeds.