Night weaning 15 month old

[serenfach1]

I feel so completely broken by my LO not sleeping or settling unless nursing. The last 3 nights I've been up for 2 hours+ trying to settle him back to sleep.

Night 1, woke at 1;15 and we didn't sleep.until 4;30. I nursed, I sang, I ssshhhed, I patted, I rocked, gave water, I tried nursing in bed (we have a floor bed as well.as cot on his room which I used a lot when he was younger. I sleep in my room but do still sleep in his room sometimes).so he'd fall asleep lying down, but he just wants to be on me the whole entire time and won't settle without me.

Night 2 - I was exhausted from previous night that when I climbed straight into the floor bed with him and slept while he nursed. I'm pretty sure he maintained contact for 2 hours. This was 3:30-5:30.

Tonight - woke at 3:30 and because I wasn't dead on my feet, I tried to nurse in chair and pop him off when I thought he was drowsy or asleep, but he wasn't happy. I can't deal with the crying and wriggling at the moment, so I pop him back on try again. Over an hour later still no progress so I've spent the rest of the time propped up in bed because I'm too wound up to lie down and sleep while he comforts on me. I don't even think he's getting milk, it's purely about comfort for him IMO. So I've been awake for almost 3 hours with just a 30 minute doze sitting up in bed.

I can't bear it. I feel so angry right now.

I used to be able to give him a quick nurse and then rock, shhh and hold him back to sleep before putting him in his cot. I'm so done with this breastfeeding though. Like I say it's not even feeding it's just comfort.

I don't feed any other time of day any more and haven't done for ages, but if I settle him in the night he needs to be on me. I can't handle any incessant crying so I don't even feel like I can go cold turkey with it. I also worry it'll disturb our 3 year old.

I've tried habit stacking... singing, shhinh, patting, and for the last 6 months I've always had a comforter between us. He doesn't seem vaguely interested in it as an alternative soothing item.

I'm literally at a loss. I feel very tired and upset and don't know what to do to night wean for good. I know I've created a situation where I'm feeding or holding him to sleep, but I haven't had had the energy for sleep training to get him to settle to sleep himself in his cot.

Help me please - how do I night wean ?

I literally just stopped one night when DS was 12mo. The first few nights were awful, as he was not pleased but walked/cuddled him until he eventually went back to sleep. Then got DH to cosleep with him for a week and he stopped waking up so often. Took maybe two weeks to get some better sleep - we still cosleep but nights are much easier now. Good luck

I feel your pain OP. Not ever sleeping a decent night is akin to torture.

I'm currently making a second attempt at night weaning 17 mo DS. Two weeks ago we had come a fair way, then we all got Covid and I briefly reverted to doing about two night feeds as normal.

After many unsuccessful attempts at gently cutting down on duration/frequency I'm now trying cold turkey. Our attempt two weeks ago was encouraging- first night awful, second night not too bad, and third night he slept through.

This time around (third night) he's not sleeping through, but has stopped being upset at being denied milk. We'll see how it goes...

Sounds like he's having 'spilt nights' my 13 month old son went through this for 2 weeks! It was awful. In the end I downloaded 'just chill mama' sleep course and within 3 days it had stopped and if my son wakes in the night, after a min or 2 of crying he now self settles back to sleep

Just stop doing it. I’m not surprised you are angry - he’s using you as a human dummy and not even getting food/nutrients (which would barely make it justifiable) and it’s at the massive detriment of your physical and mental health.
Be there for comfort but no feeding. He’ll get to realise it’s not happening, but you are still there to comfort so he knows you’re not abandoning him.

@samanabanana & @doublehelix79 how does it work now you're not bf - does your LO search or ask for it? What do you say or do?

DH has said he'll step in and do 2 maybe 3 nights. I'll go stay with family for 2 nights at the weekend with my eldest and then when I get back any night wakes I do = no boob.

Then we'll crack the settling in his cot or I'll sleep with him. But I cannot sleep while I'm being used as a dummy. I feel so touched out as he's often reaching around with his hand which drives me nuts. Then I feel guilty for feeling angry at him.

Still got to go through another 4 nights of grimness.

I don't even feel like he's "feeding" to sleep he seems awake or in very light sleep, but won't drift off deeply on me, or off me..it's infuriating. If he didn't like going in BJ's cot I used to be able to lie him down asleep on the floor bed and lie next to him (no boob) but he won't even do that.

I can't figure out what the sudden change is about - teeth ? Leap? Something else? We've just started experimenting with 1 nap (last 10 days some days 1 nap some days 2), because his morning nap is getting later which means his afternoon nap is too and (we thought) it was messing up night sleep.

Tonight I've tried putting him down so many times (he woke at 1:15) but he won't break suction. I don't know how I'm going to sleep unless it gets to 4am and I'm so tired and I just conk with him on me. Awful.

Thanks for the recommendation! I'll take a look at that.

My babies get like this when they’re teething. I think the pressure of being latched on relieves the pain in their mouth. It’s hard but at 15 months I’d imagine you’re well on the way with teething and I found my babies slept much better after they had all their teeth.

It's so hard isn't it! I night weaned dd2 at 18 months and about to do the same with dd3. We did lots of talking about it beforehand and read some books - "nursies while sun shines" and "milkies in the morning". Then one night I just went for it. We had lots of tears (with her in my arms) night 1, nights 2 and 3 were very restless and grumpy but no tears and shes been fine since. It did make her sleep significantly worse for around 5/6 weeks though before it started to improve so be prepared for that - it doesn't stop the waking at first, you just lose your best tool for getting them back to sleep. But dd2 has slept through the night now since around 20 months so it's 100% worth doing. We still feed to sleep and in the morning but she never asks in the night, just has water in a cup. Good luck!

@serenfach1 I started off with 'don't offer, don't refuse' and went from there. He hasn't asked for a feed, occasionally in the middle of the night he roots but I pick him up and cuddle/rock/sing and that settles him fine. And he used to scream and scream and scream for the breast before he was 11mo so I'm amazed we got to this point. I guess going back to work and him being at nursery has helped too. Or maybe he was just ready. Who knows! Hope you get some good sleep soon.

Thanks for all the replies and advice and support. I ripped the band aid off and went for the no boob approach last night. He woke at 1 and by 3:30 he'd conked out on the floor bed next to me. There were obviously tears (him not me this time!) but it wasn't as horrific as I expected. Another early night for me tonight! Determined to do this.

Good stuff op!! Sounds like it won't be long before his back to sleeping better.

You can do this!

@serenfach1 how are you getting on? I'm curious as I'm about to embark on the night weaning boat too.

Hi @cantforthelifeofme. The first 6 nights weren't good. He cried a lot for a couple of hours each time. He sleeps in his cot most of the time, but we have a floor bed in his room too, so I just rode it out there with him... As much as I tried to soothe him, he didn't want it - no cuddles or hair stroking etc, so I let him roll around on the bed and come to me when he wanted a snuggle. After 6 nights I went to my auntie's for a couple of nights (to sleep(!) and get some distance) and my husband rode it out with him. Then the night I got back he slept through 6 nights on the bounce, but since then it's been a mixed bag. Teething and possible food intolerances (we think he's got an intolerance to dairy and gluten) has meant his sleep has been up and down, but in general he wakes at 3ish. I let him fall back asleep on me and then pop in bed next to me 'til morning time. Our day usually starts before 6am and during the 3-6am "sleep" period he's usually pretty restless (think that's normal as it's a lighter part of the whole sleep cycle at that time in the morn?). He stopped trying to get to my boob after the 1st week. I don't regret doing it. It has somewhat helped save my sanity. Good luck to you!

My youngest was like that - exactly the same. My older two were more standard - not great sleepers initially but responded well to routine and slept through mostly by their first birthdays. DC3 was just so different - the advice people offer doesn't necessarily work for toddlers like this, especially as people with more standard sleepers assume that you're a bit stupid not to have cracked it by 12-18 months...

I night weaned at 13 months - ideally get his dad or a loving grandparent who won't just leave him to scream to do 3 nights and sleep elsewhere! MIL had him for one night (it was understandably all she could manage in her 60s without sleep), DH did most one night and then I wore layers at night until the habit was broken and I wasn't experiencing let down and leaking at night.

Unfortunately in our case it didn't reduce the night waking nor the need to be in physical contact most of the night - if anything this got worse! It did mean that other people could look after him at night though, and mil started having him overnight for one night each school holidays, which was just enough to make a bit of difference - a full night's sleep once every 6 weeks.

When ds was 2.5 and his language was pretty good I started putting strategies in place to help him when he couldn't fall asleep/ when he woke up, rather than rely just on me. We tried lots of things but what stuck in our case were very familiar, often heard (so no longer exciting) audio books he could by then switch on by himself, a night light and lots of cuddly toys and books in his bed but nothing else in his room (we also had to move most furniture except for his low toddler bed out as he took to climbing out of his cot then climbing everything in the night).

My youngest turned out to have sensory issues which were diagnosed along with dislexia at age 9. He was assessed for ASD but didn't meet the threshold for diagnosis. He's doing really well at school and happy (he's at secondary now) but it gives a context we didn't have at the time to the sleep issues he had for so long. He still struggles with sleep tbh but has various strategies which help and rarely needs us in the night any more.