Stay in your own bed and room please Dd!

[Whyismycatanasshat]

Anyone experienced this and managed to cure it or at least survive it without completely deregulating!

DD is 2 months off turning 4 and for the last month has been letting herself out of her room at all hours of the night, (door and opening the baby gate if we put it on) and bringing herself, her stuffy dog and water bottle into my room. Where she does not go back to sleep, she doesn’t want my attention or a cuddle; she just interrupts my sleep until I get to the point of sending her back to her own room.

I can’t lift her back to her bed as I have pulled muscles in my shoulder and can’t carry her right now. I verbally send her back to bed and will guide her there at the same
time, I then tuck her back in and say goodnight. Often she switches her light on and plays. Not ideal at 2am.
After 7 occurrences last night I am exhausted. And probably a bit snappy; so DN (same age as DD, lives with us) today told me to sleep in his room with him and he will save me from DD!

She doesn’t seem dreadfully tired but her listening skills are poor at the moment which I think is the lack of sleep. She can’t tell me why she needs to come in either!

Anyone any ideas or survival tips?

Sounds like you could be a bit less permissive of it? Do you tell her in no uncertain terms that she needs to be in her own bed? Return her at once, without engaging. If she turns light on, put it out at once (or unplug lamp). No games or chat, just time for sleep now.

It might be exhausting to return her over and over but it's a habit she has got into and she needs to get back out of it!

And ultimately I'd put a hook and loop type lock on the door so she can't wander.

@Dogtooth on her door? I keep
debating getting the one type of baby gate she can’t open; the same as the one at her nursery!

I am pretty much telling her to get back to bed the minute she opens my door.
Its the main light she’s switching on and it’s often once I’ve put her back to bed. I then go back to sleep only to wake up a few minutes later to loud play coming from her room.

Baby gate she can’t open, or a latch lock on the outside of her door if you think she’ll try and defeat the babygate, some sort of box fixed over the light so she can’t switch it on (or stick it on a timer, or just take the bulb out). Put a potty in her room.

Basically take all her distractions away. You may need to ride out some crying so be prepared for that.

If it does go on, try -

Make her bedtime slightly later
More exercise in the day
No water after 6

That must be really difficult for you at that time. Sounds an obvious one but could it be that she’s going to bed too early / waking up too late? Anything that’s changed recently?

At 4 they still need us, she might have had a dream that worried her and so she just needs to be close to you. It sounds like a phase, I would just keep responding to her and eventually it should pass like everything else does.

Babies, children and adults are actually designed to sleep all together, it’s what we would have done to keep safe in the wild. So when she needs you, she’s coming to find you, because you’re her safe space. Hope this gets better for you all soon!

Fucking Hell, a lock on a childs door is horrific at any age, but even more so this young. What is wrong with you PPs?!

Yep, have to agree with this! And as an adult how would you feel locked into your room?!

Do not get a hook and loop, she might need a wee in the night or worse, a fire!

I would just return and be stern. Maybe a gro clock, she's a bit old but might work.

I'm a bit shocked at some of the responses too tbh!
I'm all for kids staying in their own rooms but I couldn't imagine doing this. My DD 4 is also going through a stage of this, but like pp I just let her stay as I think there must be a reason why she's doing it. She doesn't do it every night, and sometimes mentions throughout the day dreams she's had so I think she might just be having bad dreams and needing a bit of security. It's a phase and it'll pass, they are still very little.

No don't lock her in her room. Poor kid. She is just 4 years old and isn't sleeping well, she looks for her mum for comfort (I know you say she doesn't want to cuddle but being near you is comfort enough) locking a child in a room is fucking abusive. Your 4 year old needs you, be there for her. There are many ways to tackle sleep problems but that is not one of them. If she wakes in the night and can't get out of her room she isn't going to calmly go back to bed. She is going to be frightened and upset and less likely to settle

When did DN move in with you? Has something changed in her life recently?

Don't lock her in!!! When she comes in get up guide her straight to bed everytime. No conversation no interaction. So there's nothing in it for her

It's a pain, but it won't last forever.
Quietly take her back, tuck her in and spend a few minutes with her until she's drowsy.
If she's noisy again, go back in, turn lights off, back into bed.
Give minimal eye contact and don't chat. Just be calm and reassuring.
If there's little reward for getting up in either your attention or playtime, it will pass.
DD did this too - I think that she just needed a bit of company. It was usually a bad dream (probably true) or she was hungry (less likely) so I'd give her a little water and a bit of oatcake. Sit quietly with her for ten minutes and then she would settle.

Have you tried letting her join you in your bed? Children often want to sleep near their parents. It's human nature to want to be near someone else at night as it's when we're at our most vulnerable. Adults often share a bed, yet for some reason it's seen as a failing when children want the same thing. Dd only recently wanted to stop co sleeping for part of the night and she's 7.

Morning all; I moved away from this thread because I found the whole hook and loop/lock on the door quite difficult.

DD will not be being held in her room, unable to open her door. Even a baby gate she can’t undo would be better than unable to open her door.

So, we now have a sticker chart for good nights sleep. Stickers for not coming in to my room or not playing in the middle of the night… She has actually had 2 better nights, only coming in twice both nights; once during the night and then about 20 minutes before the alarm went off. I returned her to bed as I have done before. I can’t have her in my bed even when dp is away, she disturbs my sleep too much now and I have adhd which is affected by my lack of sleep.

DN also has a sticker chart too! Different aims for him but if one has something, the other wants it!

No changes other than the return to nursery, but this started before that. DN has lived with us full time since they were both 19 months. There’s only a few weeks between them.

She still needs a good 10-11 hours sleep, will not day nap either, is well and truly exercised and has a good routine; hopefully this is a phase!