Baby doesn’t want to be held to soothe! What do I do?

[SnowBall86]

Hi there! I’m hoping someone had a similar experience with their baby. My little girl is 11 weeks and does not want to be held or rocked to sleep, she doesn’t want to take a dummy, exclusively breastfed but she won’t use breast to calm down either. We have this witching hour in the evening when she screams so hard and I can’t find anything to soothe her. During the day she prefers to be put down for her naps (and will only sleep for 20/40 min at a time), I can occasionally walk her to sleep in Babybjorn. Sometimes in the evening she will just go to sleep nicely when I put her in her cot if she’s tired.
now I have lots of questions… should I worry that she doesn’t want to be held? My older son loved contact naps. Is there any other way of soothing a baby? I resolved pretty much anything with boob with my son and it made parenting so much easier! Here I’m at loss…

Oh and I’m worried that I’m sleep training her.. she will only fall asleep if I leave her alone (sitting next to her, of course. Just not touching, taliking or picking her up). She will still cry on/off but If I try to pick her up or rock her she will just be hysterical. I tried bouncing, pacing, rocking, swaying. Feeding whilst standing. She hates it. I’m worried though as I know it’s damaging for such little babies to be sleep trained…

My dd was like that. I think co-sleeping would have been her worst nightmare. She would sometimes have another breastfeed after fussing for fifteen minutes but otherwise I learnt to let her do what she needed to do which was to be alone in her cot. She was a brilliant sleeper but only ever fell asleep on my lap if she was ill.
She’s an adult now and very tactile and affectionate but she is still very content in her own company. She has never needed or sought other peoples approval for her choices and I don’t know if it’s all connected.

@Liervik thats what I thought! Boob alsways solved everything until I met my daughter and she just doesn’t want it unless she’s hungry. White noise is on 24/7 here! I’ll look into Hey bear, thanks. Never heard of it before!

@Recycledblonde ah I’m glad to hear that your daughter grew up to be tactile and affectionate. She sounds like a very wholesome person. I hope mine is just like that. Can’t help but worry about everything though.

Of course you worry and social media can be a mixed blessing. At least I didn’t have that and so fewer other families to compare. I did have sensible friends who advised me to follow my babies lead.
My two boys who followed were much the same, they preferred to be left in peace to fart in their cots!😀They’re all happy adults who are quite happy to hug their parents every time they see us and have happy memories of their childhood.

Ds was exactly the same, I had to put him in his moses basket or cot and just leave him to 'empty his lungs' as my mum would say 🤣 I can honestly say there wasn't a single day he didn't roar before a nap/ bed.

It helps to recognise what it is- which you have, that your baby is tired and she just wants to settle herself to sleep, which she does.

Ds used to be outraged if I disturbed him when he was mid roar!

Honestly appreciate it for what it’s worth, as hard as that might be! My DN was like this, so it was a shock to the system when DD was the complete opposite. She’d still scream herself to sleep during the witching hour but if I tried to set her down she’d scream until she vomited. She still hates to be left alone for any amount of time seven years on x.x and is the most chatty, gregarious person I’ve ever met. Every adult is different- so is every baby! If she wants to be left to it, that’s her way.

I had a very screamy third DC, this mobile saved my sanity on a few occasions!

I found this at John Lewis & Partners. What do you think?  https://www.johnlewis.com/tiny-love-meadow-days-soothe-and-groove-mobile/p3356751?tmad=c&tmcampid=7&sshare=jlappioss_Y29tLmFwcGxlLlVJS2l0LmFjdGl2aXR5LkNvcHlUb1Bhc3RlYm9hcmQ=

My baby is just the same, completely different from her sister. Right down to screaming for hours before bed around the same age. She would scream for a couple of hours, no matter what I did, and then she would stop crying, snuggle down, and sleep. Leaving a completely frazzled mother tearing her hair out and wondering what on earth has just happened! She simply grew out of that, and now I pop her down and she sometimes has a grizzle but otherwise just goes to sleep by herself, as long as it’s the right time. I stay with her but if I get too involved it just works her up more. If she gets upset I tend to just take her out of the room for a bit, do something boring, and try again a few minutes later. That’s working well at the moment. She seems a very happy little soul, so I’m hoping I’m not doing too much damage!