Torn about co-sleeping, tips/advice please!!

[Newbiemum76]

Hi, My DS is 12 weeks old and really struggling at night, he’ll usually fall asleep on me or partner between 8.30-9.30 and he’s out for the count. I’ve started putting him down in the crib (he doesn’t fit in Moses basket anymore) when he’s in a deep sleep and I will go to bed.
He will wake for a feed (FF) around 1/2am and then after that he will not settle back in the crib - he manages 10 minute bursts and wakes up so unsettled and fussy, but as soon as he’s in our bed he falls straight to sleep and stays asleep (not even cuddled just lying on our mattress between me and partner)

Things I’ve tried:

• putting my top in the crib so it smells like me
• hot water bottle to warm crib up
• waiting till he’s in a deep sleep to put him down but he wakes up again
• he sleeps in a sleep bag
• he has a dummy to settle him
• putting him down in the daytime to nap in the crib

I didn’t want to co-sleep as I’m so worried about rolling onto him and my partner is quite a deep sleeper (often sleeps through him screaming) so I’m scared he will roll onto him too. But it’s the only way we can get some sleep. Any advice about co sleeping, how to do it safely? Or should I persist with trying him in the crib?

Also he loves to sleep on his side, if he’s napping in the crib in the day he will be on his side but then I’m sitting watching him as I don’t want him to roll onto his front and not be able to roll back.
Is it okay to let him sleep on his side? Should I try this at night? First time mum and feeling like I’m doing something really wrong 😖 any advice is helpful
thanks xx

I co slept with my 1st and currently do with my 2nd, she is 15 weeks. Sleeps lovely in her crib until she wakes for her first feed. I always make my husband go in our spare room though as he is a deep sleeper and he is scared he will roll onto her.

Until she could roll into her side herself I would let her fall asleep on her side and the roll her onto her back once she was in a deep sleep! Xx

Go ahead and co sleep as long as you're comfy too! I would put him on the other side of you though rather than in the middle.

@miltonj our bed isn’t against the wall so the other side I’d be worried about him falling out

@Ems369 might try waiting till he’s properly asleep to roll him back onto his back and see how that goes!

What kind of crib are you using? We had a snuzpod next to the bed on my side. It meant when we co slept, I was a little less worried about her rolling off the bed as the snuz pod would catch her if she did. She never did roll out but I slept a bit better as a result :)
Definitely go for it - you gotta do what you can to get sleep!

If he's unsettled and fussy, is there any chance he needs winding?

Reason I ask is my DS went through a period where he would be fine when sleeping next to me after a feed, but the minute I popped him into the cot he would start wriggling and fussing and would wake himself up again. Someone on here suggested it could be wind, and winding him seemed to help.

Co sleeping can be fine but there are lots of ways to make it safe. I personally would not be co sleeping with a FF baby in between you and I'm a seasoned co sleeper. Especially with a heavy sleeper. Have a look at the lullaby trust website for guidelines.

I never wanted to co-sleep but DC2 wouldn't settle in her crib and I kept falling asleep feeding her so I thought it was better to find the safest way to do it.

Is there anywhere else for your partner to sleep? I didn't feel comfortable with DH in bed too, although others do it. I also removed pillows except one very small

Sorry, posted too soon.

Used a small, flat travel pillow. I had covers only up to my waist and baby in her sleeping bag. I would lie on my side facing her, with my lower arm stretched out above her head and to the side. I was breastfeeding so she would be sort of on her side to face me. If she woke for a feed, I just lifted her over to the other side and took up the same position.

I agree with an earlier poster - it sounds like he needs winding more after his first feed during the night. My daughter was the same as this (we too coslept from about 6 months) and it was down to not being winded enough at night. She needed at least 20 minutes sat upright and being burped before she'd settle down properly for another few hours. If she co-slept, she'd go back to sleep faster, but she'd wake up more/earlier

@Newbiemum76 put something on that side of the bed. For example the crib you are using. I have the Moses basket on a coffee table against my side of the bed. She mainly sleeps in there but if I'm desperate she'll sleep next to me and on the off chance she rolls, she won't go far. I know that other people just put their mattress on the floor though if doing full time.

Agree with making sure they're winded and kept upright after a feed. Both my kids had reflux and needed to be kept upright for an hour after a feed. Which was a killer at night.

Lots of tips, thank you!

He’s definitely winded as i usually get two big burps after that feed and I make sure he’s in a deep sleep on me before trying to put him down. If I put him on our mattress then he’d go straight to sleep no issue but even in a deep sleep he wakes up within 10 mins if he’s been put in the cot.

Unfortunately we don’t have any room down the side of our bed for the cot,( even the Moses basket didn’t fit down the side) the cot is at the foot of our bed.

Hopefully he’ll eventually get used to being in the cot, I’ll just keep trying, thanks everyone x