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PTSD Sleep Training - 2.5 yo Toddler

3 replies

TrainingWheelsDad · 31/08/2022 10:08

Hi everyone,

New Dad to this forum, and I'm hoping someone can help or guide me.

TL;DR:
2.5 y.o. toddler, who barely ever had sleep issues, had a urinary infection a month ago that left him 3 days in hospital and quite traumatised. Since then we aren't able to get him to sleep unless we stay in the room with him wiith the lights on, for up to an hour. Traditional sleep training methods aren't working. Help!

TS;WM:
We're having trouble getting our little one to sleep, he's nearly two and a half so very much a toddler. Since birth we've had very little trouble with his routines and, apart from the typical sleep regression at 4 and 9 months of age, we've never had any problem getting him to sleep.

So much so that we transitioned him from his crib onto a bed (i.e. removed the bars) just after he turned two. We expected him to walk into our room in the middle of the night, but he surprised us by continuing to sleep throughout the night, usually 10 to 12 hours.

About a month ago we began potty training him, as he had been showing signs that he was ready (i.e. warning us he was going to pee/poop, showing interest whenever we used the toilet) and he took to this very quickly. A downside to this was that he began holding in his urine throughout the day, particularly when outside the house, which on top of a stomach bug he caught at nursery quickly developed into a urinary infection.

He had to be admitted to hospital for three days, which unfortunately left him quite traumatised. As soon as he was discharged and we returned home we noticed changes in his personality, and all of the routines we'd long since established (meals, drop-off at nursery, potty, bath time, nap and sleeping) were turned on their head.

We've managed to get back to where we were for most of these, but unfortunately nap time and sleeping are still an issue. For the first couple of weeks we struggled with sleeping, as he would wake up several times throughout the night crying and would come into our room. We've now managed to get him to sleep through the night, but getting him to sleep requires that we sit with him and have the light on, and can take anywhere from half an hour to an hour before he's in a deep enough sleep that he won't notice us leaving the room.

We tried applying an adapted version of the Ferber method, in which we will lock the safety gate at the top of the stairs, and let him cry himself to sleep, but this has only resulted in him falling asleep by the gate. As soon as we open it, he wakes up and we have to go through the whole process again.

On that note, I would be much obliged if you could share any articles or advice that might help us overcome this situation, and help our son get back to sleeping in his room.

Thank you very much in advance and I look forward to hearing from you.

OP posts:
Hugasauras · 31/08/2022 13:06

I would just take it in turns to sit with him. I certainly wouldn't be leaving him to cry himself to sleep if he is indeed traumatised from something! My DD is 3.5 and one of us still sits with her till she falls asleep as we've never been interested in tears and stress and bedtime. We just turned it into a nice part of our day rather than fretting about it and have cuddles and chat till she drifts off. Once you aren't all stressed about it he'll probably fall asleep faster too.

Take your phone and listen to a podcast or something if you're bored!

Terriblethirtytwos · 02/09/2022 14:44

If he’s been affected by being in hospital he will need you to reassure him and support him I think. I would sit with him til he falls asleep for the next few weeks - until he seems really happy and isn’t stressed at bedtime. Just write off the evenings for at least 2-3 weeks. Then one night tell him you’re popping out to get a drink, do that, and come straight back. Show him that when you say you’re coming back, you mean it. Be really reliable ans consistent. Increase the number and duration of ‘pop outs’, until he’s comfortable with you leaving the room for a short time while he’s in bed. Work towards him falling asleep by himself over time.

MolliciousIntent · 02/09/2022 15:03

Terriblethirtytwos · 02/09/2022 14:44

If he’s been affected by being in hospital he will need you to reassure him and support him I think. I would sit with him til he falls asleep for the next few weeks - until he seems really happy and isn’t stressed at bedtime. Just write off the evenings for at least 2-3 weeks. Then one night tell him you’re popping out to get a drink, do that, and come straight back. Show him that when you say you’re coming back, you mean it. Be really reliable ans consistent. Increase the number and duration of ‘pop outs’, until he’s comfortable with you leaving the room for a short time while he’s in bed. Work towards him falling asleep by himself over time.

This is perfect advice. Support him as much as he needs for now, then start doing VVV quick pop outs, then lengthen the amount of time you're gone for.

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