Will my 3 year old ever sleep?

[Backtothefutureagain]

Just a bit of a ranty post.

My 3 year old has never slept. As a baby we co slept and he breastfed all night on and off the boob. We stopped feeding to sleep probably around 14 months(ish) but he has never slept through, always waking and needing to be cuddled back to sleep.

He is now 3 and still has the most appalling sleep. He has to fall asleep being cuddled, and if I’m in the house it has to be me unless DH basically battles with him in his room until he finally gives in and then falls asleep on DH lap. He will not lie in his bed. He can then be transferred to his bed once in a deep sleep.

For quite a long period, he would wake up minimum of twice a night and we’d go in and again he’d have to be sat on us to fall asleep. However about 6 months ago I just felt such sheer exhaustion that I gave in and now he comes in any time from 11.30 onwards and is asleep in bed with me. Sometimes he sleeps soundly and I can sleep but other times he’s rolling around, demanding I hug him a certain way, kicking me in the spleen, etc etc.

Some days I think just ride it out, other times I feel like I need to take action now or this will go on until he’s 10.

anyone have any tips, or can share in my misery? Or anyone been through the same but their child now magically sleeps?

last night he wasn’t in with me until 4am so that was pretty great.

Weve tried controlled crying when he was younger, more recently we’ve tried reward charts, gro clock, gradual retreat, sitting end of bed, sheer blackmail… nothing works.

Sounds awful! Apparently I was like this as a child - you can see in photos from those days my poor parents looked shell shocked and aged considerably as the months went by (but thankfully it reversed once they were sleeping again!).

They said in the end, and out of desperation, they put a stair gate across my bedroom door, made sure it was completely safe, then told me "If you wake up, you can play with your toys, or look at your books, but DON'T WAKE MUMMY OR DADDY!" I was also about 3 at the time. It worked almost immediately the story goes, and after not very long I started sleeping through (presumably being up all night is boring if you can't exhaust your parents at the same time?).

My baby hasn't been all that bad, but did go through a stage of getting up at 3am, demanding to watch Peppa Pig (at 20 months). We did cry it out, which I never thought we'd do (we also co-slept for a long time, and had been doing much more gentle sleep training up until this point). First night was rough, second night not ideal, by the third night he was sleeping through 8pm until 6:30am. I didn't want to do it at the time, but now have no regrets. For me, there's a big difference between doing it with a six month old who may be scared or hungry, and a toddler who is basically fannying about and / or having a tantrum.

My son first slept through the night at 5.5/6 years old after about 8 months after starting school.

Prior to that he had never slept a single night .

It was tough.

ah this sounds so hard. solidarity with you.
I have one of these. she is almost 4 now. dropped her nap early, BF to sleep/coslept out of necessity until at least 2, multiple night wakings and would scream until she was on me. It was the longest slowest lesson in acceptance I have had.
Things that did not work: sleep training (she was a reflux baby who would vomit all over her bed if left to cry), Groclock hahaha, earlier/later bedtimes. nothing I tried fixed it.
Things that have helped: acceptance on my part that this is how she is and it wont be forever. getting a superking bed before DD2 arrived earlier this year (if my bed is going to be full of kids it might as well be as big as I can get it) Going on holiday and sharing a room with her cousin. They fought over the top bunk bed - explaining that she could only sleep in it if she stayed in the bed on her own, which she did. Not an ad but we got a yoto mini for her as a present from the new baby. she is often very happy to stay in her bed listening to a story/audio book and she will fall asleep to that instead of insisting someone stay with her. she stays in her bed all night more often now, and I love it if its early morning and she climbs in for a snuggle. hang in there!