16 month old won't go in his cot

[summersun190]

I am desperate to get my DS sleeping in his own cot. Ex is threatening to take him off me every night as he says I am "not allowing our son to develop properly at night".
I have to co sleep as he cries and cries every time I put him in his cot. The instant I lay him on my bed he settles. He feels the 'drop' every time I try him in his cot.

What can I do?? I don't have the money to pay for a 'sleep consultant' to help me

Can you take one side off the cot and push it up tight to your bed so it forms an extension of your mattress? (We had to put books under the cot legs to make it the same height as our mattress) That way he is in with you but in his own space as a first step. Then you can put the side back on but keep it next to your bed once he's happy with that. Next step would be moving the cot away from your bed but keeping it in your room (in you have the space. We didn't), and finally moving it into his own room.

Really though, if cosleeping is working for you, don't worry what your ex is saying. Do whatever gets you and DC the most sleep!

Thanks. I've tried sleeping right next to his cot but it doesn't work.
I don't think it would be safe to raise the cot with books as it may be wobbly? I'd be worried about the safety aspect if I took off the side of the cot and placed it next to my bed (he could drop down the middle) I currently have a high bed guard rail for safety.

Is there anything else I can do?

I’d forget the cot, put a double mattress on the floor of his room, lay with him until he falls asleep and then roll away! Make sure the room is safely baby proofed and the door has a stairgate. But only if you want to, don’t do it just because your ex is a twat. He won’t be able to get full custody because you co-sleep, he’s talking utter bollocks.

Google/YouTube Montessori floor bed. Basically I second @GoAround

Double floorbed in a child-proofed room with baby gate is the option I went with too, co-sleeping definitely got the most sleep for everyone. It's completely developmentally normal for a 16mo to want/need to co-sleep, your ex is talking nonsense.

Thanks I'll look into those. I have tried this though. I put his cot mattress on the floor and slept next to him but as soon as I was away from him he would wake up. It's almost like he has to feel and smell me right next to him. I've tried a cuskiboo (or however your spell it) and kept that on me to gather my smell but that didn't work either. I've tried sleeping on his cot mattress and sheet for the smell. No luck either.

I've tried different nap times in the day, longer, shorter, one or two. I feed him lots in the day, I give ready brek before bed, but still he wakes.

I've tried 'drowsy but awake'. I've tried 'the disappearing chair'. He just cries and wants me to hold him. I have a structured bedtime routine, bath, bottle, book, bed. Tried an earlier bedtime, and a later bedtime. None of this works.

Any other tips?

Ours wasn't wobbly and didn't have a gap between the mattresses, but there wasn't a huge difference in height to overcome. One decent-sized tome under each leg did the trick. We did this with both DCs. I think some people tie the cot frame to the bed to stop it accidentally moving away from the bed and creating a gap, but IME this wasn't necessary

Floor beds are great, and both my DCs had one as toddlers, but if your DC is waking and looking for you it isn't going to solve your problem. Quite honestly, if you and DC are happy with the cosleeping, I would tell your ex to butt out and carry on as you are.

Just co sleep with your baby OP, your ex sounds like a horrible beast. I'm so sorry. But he can't take your child away because you co sleep.

Is your mattress softer?