At breaking point - please help

[GreyNovember]

DD2 is 14 weeks and we are at complete breaking point with her sleep.

She does not stay asleep in her crib, and it's getting worse. At her best, which was a couple of weeks ago, she was doing 3 x 2 hour stints over night but that didn't last long and it's been gradually decreasing. The last few days it's been 2 x 30 min stints, and the rest of the night she'll wake within 2 mins of being put down. She sleeps fine when being held. She doesn't co sleep next to me though, only when actually lying on DH or me. I feel like somewhere along the line we've really fucked up.

Putting her down awake and shush/patting her honestly feels like a bad joke - we just end up with a very pissed off and screaming baby who we have to pick up anyway.

I don't think she has silent reflux as she's completely fine on her back during the day.

Other than advice to shush/pat, everything I read seems to just be "ah well, babies don't sleep well, it'll pass" but it isn't. And we cannot survive on the sleep we're getting. DH manages better than me so does the majority of the night, but we don't have a spare room, I have always been a terrible sleeper, and have severe PND and have been suicidal. I'm getting barely more than an hour or two of sleep a night and I physically cannot do it anymore. I'm ready to walk out the door. I've had more sleep tonight but only because DH is so terrified of my PND getting even worse that he has stayed awake all night downstairs with her asleep on him until 5:30am to make sure I could sleep upstairs. This is clearly not sustainable either.

I'm under the perinatal mental health team and getting help for my PND, but I am genuinely scared this may actually kill me. No amount of therapy is going to help when I'm getting this little sleep - I'm absolutely desperate.

Does anyone have any suggestions at all?

No particularly helpful advice as I've not had the same level of issues but bumping this for you and sending sympathy. Having a long term no sleeper was one of the darkest times of my life too.

You didn’t fuck up any where. My first was like yours. My second just goes to sleep. People really don’t understand unless they’ve had a baby who screams hysterically at night just how hard it is.

it definitely won’t be like this forever. It will change. Hold onto that. Non sleeping first baby who would sleep for hours when held but not if not is now 4 and generally sleeps 10 hours a night. She’s also an absolute delight- turns out she’s worth it even though I have a very clear memory of feeling that I couldn’t go on for one more second.

14 weeks is a tricky time as a sleep regression happens around now. All those people with well sleeping babies may well find their sleep goes to shit. As yours probably can’t get much worse you have an improvement to look forward to. You may find that baby starts napping for shorter periods in the day soon, don’t panic , lots of them do that and it will lead to naps becoming on a clearer schedule and then longer again.

in the meantime it’s a case of getting enough sleep to cope.

some things that help some babies (not all) white noise, being held until in a deep sleep, mum or dads smelly top as a sheet. Tried those and they didn’t work? It’s not you but worth a try but don’t throw money at it as you could buy millions of things that don’t help.

my theory is that I need at least 4 hours sleep to feel human. Can you and your partner split the night between you so that you both get a decent block of sleep?

baby’s are even worse when over tired. Will yours sleep at night if worn in a sling or pushed in a pram? Could one of you do that for a few hours whilst the other sleeps? If they will sleep in the pram get one that’s safe for night sleeps, then they can stay in there if/ when they drop off. I remember finally getting baby to sleep one night in hers and DP waking her trying to get her back into her next to me. I cried, he cried, she screamed. Not a good night!

is there anyone you could ask to come and take the baby one night a week so you can both get a full night? Or could you afford a night nanny?

and hold on. This definitely is not forever, one day soon you will wake from a refreshing sleep to a smiling baby and a day you enjoy.

PND is shit but it will bugger off (I had it first time too but I’m good now ) x

Yep my lo was like that and your hitting sleep regression. My suggestions which help my lo
Dummy
Pink noise
Darkness I mean no light creeping through at all.
Silence my other half vacated our room as he was the snorer and waking her up.
Shifts. I was asleep by 730pm in early days and my oh did till 12am or 1am me rest of night.

We managed till 6 months then sleep trained. My hv did suggest cc at the age your at now but we just couldn't and obviously not advised after extensive research.

You did not mess up. I would suggest a weekend in, do what ever you can during the day to get lo to sleep contact napping to stop overtiredness cycle. It does get better I promise. Someone said this to me, and I was so angry but it does I promise

Sorry. All I can say is time. DS was an utterly diabolical sleeper. He’d usually sleep next to me in bed (the crib was laughable) but we had spells of him wanting to be held, all night. The worst was a 4 ish week spell at about 4 months old. It was truly and utterly awful and I did think I might die. Memories are hazy, but I’m pretty certain I didn’t have to hold him regularly at night (shy of the odd night) from maybe about 5 or 6 months. I’m sorry that’s not much help, but just huge amounts of sympathy to you..