14mnth old not sleeping

[Sunnylands27]

My 14mnth old LG has been breastfed from birth, I tried so hard to get her into a bottle which she finally took at 8mnths & I thought that would really help to wean off the breast but we’ve not been successful. The reason being I’ve never been able to get her to sleep without feeding to sleep. Literally tried all the other settling methods for hours and days and nights and more days… no luck. She’s so stubborn we did resort to CIO on more than one occasion but she always ends up going back to her old ways and refusing to sleep.
Now she’s 14mnths and won’t even fall asleep being fed and put down in the cot drowsy which he worked for a while, albeit with multiple night time wake ups requiring feeding back to sleep.
She now needs to be laid down next to me to feed to sleep and if I even try to get her near the cot she gets so upset with this wild look in her eyes and shaking her head. It’s really upsetting for me as I’ve literally a kept a peaceful bed time routine since she was 4mnths old and I just can’t believe I haven’t cracked this by now.
All I want is for her to have a peaceful sleep space that’s hers and for her to get some proper rest. It’s especially upsetting to read everything online that says 2/3rds of babies sleep through the night by 6mnths… what the hell. It makes me wish I’d never breastfed & feel like a really sh**e mum.
Do I just let things go their course, give her peaceful rest in bed with us, feeding as she wants through the night & hope as she gets older and understands more we’ll be able to figure things out?
Any advice welcome :) x

You either commit to feeding to sleep and cosleeping, probably for at least another 18m if not 2 years, or you get tough, put her down in her own cot, awake, and do CC.

Hi op, I think around a similar age my son wouldn't feed to sleep every time any more. He just wouldn't fall asleep feeding and I'd end up singing or shushing and rubbing his back instead. After night weaning I switched the routine around so it was feeds before stories.

I think your lo is telling you they are ready for a change in how they fall asleep.

For various reasons, my back being a big one, he's had his mattress on the floor since around 7 months. It really does help being able to lie next to them. Would you consider that? That said he now doesn't want me to touch him while he falls asleep. He just wriggles around and I quietly talk through our day/sing and he goes to sleep. Usually takes about ten mins but if I get the timings wrong can take aaagggeess. Definitely worth being aware of their wake windows.

Also where have you got this about 2/3rds of babies sleeping through at 6 months. Maybe if it's counted as having slept 5 hours straight at least once, but not always sleeping a full night. I know a lot of people with children the same sort of age as mine (20 months) and I would say maybe 5% consistently slept a whole night at that age and of that 5% more than half had been left to cry. Then some of those were waking every 45mins once they turned 8 months. Don't believe the hype, you're doing great.

You're not a shit mum, quite the opposite. None of mine were gifted sleepers, try not to compare what you've got going on with what you think should be the case, as that just makes it all more stressful.

Find a groove that works for you, whether that's a mattress on the floor in her room or whatever. If the cot is causing a drama, put it in the loft. It wont' last forever, it will get better, those wake ups will spread out and one day you'll wake up before her at 7am and you'll wonder what the hell has happened!

Follow your gut, anything else is just going to stress you both out.

@Sunnylands27 no advice lovely but sending solidarity - I am in an almost identical situation with my 14 month old and am exhausted. She won't even sleep with me, when she's with me she's just grabbing me/climbing all over me/constantly pulling at my breasts. It's so bloody tough!!