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Sleep

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Original poster

Any ideas on 2 year old bedtime problem?

13 replies

girlrunningoncheese · 07/08/2022 19:51

Hi everyone

I'm sure this is a really common problem but I'm not sure how best to tackle it. My DD is 2.3 and generally a good sleeper. She still has (and needs) a nap - usually an hour or so at nursery (3 days/week) and longer to catch up when she's at home. Between the ages of 12-20months ish, she would happily go into her cot and wave good night to me and fall asleep on her own.
Since the beginning of this year, she won't go to sleep without me sitting with her - first on her bedroom floor when she was still in a cot and now on the end of her bed. I didn't mind this too much but now I have a 5 week old DS and he's getting past the sleepy newborn stage and into the fussy/cranky evening stage. My husband can't settle him in the evening and it would be so much easier if I could put DD to bed and leave her to it.

Am I dreaming?! Can I fix this?? We did Ferber when she was 6mo to get her to self settle but I don't have a clue where to start with getting out of this very unhelpful routine...

Any ideas or experience welcome! Thank you

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bigbeautifulmonster · 07/08/2022 20:06

When you say she won't go to sleep is that her playing a power card and insisting you stay just because she says so?

My DD did that sort of thing a lot. Even though she was actually very able to do certain things.

What happens when you try to leave the room like before? Tantrum? Or just not sleeping?

Original poster

girlrunningoncheese · 07/08/2022 20:21

bigbeautifulmonster · 07/08/2022 20:06

When you say she won't go to sleep is that her playing a power card and insisting you stay just because she says so?

My DD did that sort of thing a lot. Even though she was actually very able to do certain things.

What happens when you try to leave the room like before? Tantrum? Or just not sleeping?

Definitely a power card! She was exhausted at nap time today and I nipped out to use the toilet and she dropped off before she noticed I hadn't come back. So it's not that she can't go to sleep without me, she just doesn't want to!

A few months ago I did try leaving her to it and folding laundry etc in my bedroom next door to hers - thinking I needed to fix the problem before baby arrived. It worked a few times but often she just got furious and I gave in for an easy life (fail, I know!). And even now, I just scroll on my phone while she drops off so it's not exactly arduous but sometimes im up there for 30-45mins whilst DS is getting really upset for my DH. I usually bf DS while I sit with DD but she just wants to play with his toes or stroke his head and not go to sleep (cute but annoying!!)

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NuffSaidSam · 07/08/2022 20:26

Get DH to take over sitting on the end of the bed and then he can do gradual retreat/go and come back.

Start on the end of the bed.
Then move to the doorway.
Then out in the hall.
Then on the top step.
Until she's falling asleep with you out of sight.

Sit for 5 minutes. Then make an excuse to leave for two minutes. Come back. Leave etc.

Build up the time that you leave for until she's falling asleep while you're away, just like she did at nap time!

Original poster

girlrunningoncheese · 08/08/2022 12:06

NuffSaidSam · 07/08/2022 20:26

Get DH to take over sitting on the end of the bed and then he can do gradual retreat/go and come back.

Start on the end of the bed.
Then move to the doorway.
Then out in the hall.
Then on the top step.
Until she's falling asleep with you out of sight.

Sit for 5 minutes. Then make an excuse to leave for two minutes. Come back. Leave etc.

Build up the time that you leave for until she's falling asleep while you're away, just like she did at nap time!

Thank you - I think go/come back might be the thing to try as we had a bit of success with this before. Building up the time gradually sounds sensible though.

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MotherHaryy · 08/08/2022 20:55

How did it go tonight? I'm curious as this is my LO to a T!

shortpeopleproblems · 08/08/2022 20:58

Following as my 3.5 year old is the same! I have tried the popping out and increasing the time but she just gets out and follows me, it's infuriating.

Original poster

girlrunningoncheese · 09/08/2022 13:42

We made some progress! I did stories then sat for 10 mins with her (feeding baby). Left to give baby to DH, stayed away for a few mins then went back. Left again 5 mins later - told her I was putting laundry away and pottered loudly in the bedroom next door. She followed initially but I told her "bedtime now, back into bed" etc and she did and went to sleep after about 10 mins. She seems to be more accepting if she knows I'm still upstairs. It also helped that she was ready to go to sleep by then - I'm not sure she would have stayed in bed without me for longer.

So still quite a lot of faffing but a good start I reckon.

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Original poster

girlrunningoncheese · 09/08/2022 13:43

shortpeopleproblems · 08/08/2022 20:58

Following as my 3.5 year old is the same! I have tried the popping out and increasing the time but she just gets out and follows me, it's infuriating.

Yes I can imagine that is very annoying!
Mine is still at the age where she associates being in bed with being "trapped" in her cot, I think - she rarely gets out even when it's time to get up in the morning. She waits for one of us to go in to get her up.

I realise this won't last much longer

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WingingIt101 · 09/08/2022 14:08

Following as in the same boat (almost - 2 year 4month old and dc2 due in October!)

Will try the gradual retreat for the next week I reckon!

Original poster

girlrunningoncheese · 09/08/2022 17:43

WingingIt101 · 09/08/2022 14:08

Following as in the same boat (almost - 2 year 4month old and dc2 due in October!)

Will try the gradual retreat for the next week I reckon!

I was adamant I would get it sorted before DS arrived but then I got too pregnant and tired to bother
So I hope you have better luck!

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WingingIt101 · 09/08/2022 20:32

Haha I feel your pain! Thank you. Tonight we did our usual "Mummy will sit for 5 mins" then left and she got upset, came to the door but very quickly put herself back in bed. Gotta stay strong!!

MotherHaryy · 09/08/2022 20:35

we went up for 8 tonight, had a quick conversation about how it's bedtime now, then we kissed and tucked in her teddies, then her and seem to have success. She didn't get out once, I shushed for about a minute then headed to the door and left. She rolled round for 10 minutes then BAM 💥 fast asleep!🙏 Feeling very proud but praying it lasts cause second baby is due in two weeks🫠🫠

How's it going for everyone else?

Original poster

girlrunningoncheese · 10/08/2022 20:06

Sounds positive for both of you! Fingers crossed you've had another good bedtime tonight. Ours was going badly as I kept popping in and out but the baby was screaming and everyone was getting cross - so I sat on her bed again and bf DS, then left one last time and she didn't object but went to sleep.

I wonder whether I just need to have a proper conversation with her tomorrow (not at bedtime) about mummy tucking her in and coming downstairs. I think perhaps she doesn't understand why the rules have suddenly been changed which is why tonight was a bit tricky.

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