Toddler won't go to bed

[OliveBlue]

I feel like I'm going to have a mental breakdown.

Two year old will not go to bed, or stay in bed.

This has been going on for 6+ months. She moved to a bed, which was the single biggest mistake I feel we have made. But she would climb out now so it's too late and we just can't go backwards.

She will just not go to her bed.

I'll list in a nutshell what we have tried:

• Gro clock - she doesn't seem to get it yet
• sticker charts for staying in bed
• talking / watching videos and reading books about bedtime
• routine - we have a routine of bath, etc etc etc, which she has had forever
• changing routine, doesn't work
• laying with her in bed (worked previously and I'd sneak away) but no longer works and she says "no mummy, my bed" and then proceeds to tantrum
• co-sleeping. In my / our bed, not hers. This works but recently even that she's faffing about for an hour until she'll settle.
• soft music
• videos / iPad in bed - she'll still be wide awake at midnight
• no talking
• harsh approach of constantly putting her back in bed (40+ times in one night once)
• closing bedroom door (results in her going mental and throwing things)

I am losing my mind.

Any suggestions. Please. Anything.

I think you need to be consistent. Pick something and stick to it. Personally I’d buckle up and return her to bed every time. Accept you’ll have less sleep for a few nights whilst she ‘gets’ it.

Is she maybe not tired though? Have you tried dropping the nap if she still has one?

Remove things she can throw, and then close the door.

I definitely wouldn’t go for bed time screen time.

That sounds so tough! I wonder though, maybe you've tried so many strategies rather than sticking consistently to one particular thing, that these approaches haven't really had time to work?

The only other thing I wonder is what happens if you leave her door open so she can hear you moving about so is reassured you're near, but basically just go downstairs and get on with your evening? I assume you have a stair gate so she can't follow you downstairs. She might not stay in bed but at least she's not getting attention and will eventually wear herself out. Remove anything she could hurt herself with and if she starts actually throwing things then I think you'll need to be very firm and just take whatever she throws away, telling her 'no.' No doubt you'll have a few difficult evenings but it feels like she's just got to work her way through this.

I've known a few parents who do sit with their young children every night til they fall asleep but it sounds like that's not what you want (don't blame you- neither would I) so really the only alternative is to establish a method and stick to it rigidly.

She'll hear you moving about, she'll know you're nearby so this doesn't seem to be a case of her being scared or anything, it seems it's a habit that has developed and I think you need to be tough and ride it out to break it. If she's warm enough, not hungry or thirsty and is getting sufficient exercise during the day, then you really shouldn't feel guilty about being firm. I assume she's no longer napping in the day? If so- drop that straight away.

Have a look on YouTube or Facebook at the Supernanny stay in bed technique. It is basically no nonsense rapid return. The videos are good because they really tell you what to expect and show the results. The first night will 100 goes but you know it will work if you are consistent.

Definitely no screens before bed and probable after tea time.
Stairgate on the bedroom door - ideally one she can’t climb over.
More exercise so she is tired. Swimming is really effective.
The super nanny approach of not giving any attention seems to be effective. But you need to stick with it.
is she napping in the day? If yes I’d drop the nap. It’s hellish to get them to the end of the day but worth it.
what time is she waking in the morning?
Also try to avoid additives and strangely cherry tomatoes- it can make some children a bit hyper.

Walk them back in silence and shut the door. Might be 20 times but it worked for us when my daughter had this phase.

I've been here DD is 3 now. I think you need some tough love and to stick to your guns.

We put DD to bed about 7/ 7.30 ish kisses, cuddle and tucked in.

I tell her, I'm going to get my drink and then I will be back (of course I don't go back). She sometimes grumbles, but after 5 mins she is asleep.

Also if she is throwing things I would not shut the door but use a stairgate for the door and stip the room of all throwable things in reach. A book and a teddy she can settle down in bed and read them.
You could also try explaining that teddy needs to sleep and will she help him by showing him what to do.
Depends what route you want to go down. Any new method needs to be tried for at least a week/8 -9 days before you try something else.

Another vote for more exercise throughout the day, or take her out for a walk around the block/to the park after dinner. Then another vote for supernanny/three day nanny. Just keep putting her back to her bed. The first 24/48 hours will be the worst but she'll soon understand.

Stair gate across her door.
DD cried herself to sleep on the floor twice. She went to bed like a dream the third night.
For those two nights DH had to practically sit on me to stop me going up but it was worth it.
She doesn't remember this happening.

Yes to staying in bed and yes to routine, all others can go.
Imagine there is a better way than staying in bed though!

Take your phone, make sure you have a twilight setting (see point 1) and when you think she is asleep, stay there until 15 mins pass. Maybe also get a wireless headset unless you are happy just reading on your phone.

all the best
(1) can't have any any screens before bed as the light in the machines trick the eyds into thinking it's the middle of the day and you stay awake longer- adults included
(2) if you are trying soft music then you are changing the routine. the routine is set over months, so imagine you are saying you tried soft music for 3 months?

(3) changing routine - are you saying you changed it for 3 months?
(4) i find co sleeping interesting. I think in principal, it sounds nice but in reality, it just disrupts the adults evening time tooo much. So you either have to eat when they eat and if you've worked a full day, get no time for grown up television or evening coversation. Is the aim that we all go to be at 7:30pm? if you are tired, you will likely fall asleep for the night. Also, you have to situate the bed so the little one is against the wall if you plan to abandon them at 8:15pm to go downstairs for your evening to start... Co sleeping sounds interesting but i wonder how, on a practical level, we can all make it work?

Try Batelle
expensive but honestly life changing