Co-sleeping with 2.5yo fidgety and constant contact

[tabbyteddy]

Name change as have mentioned this to a few people.

DS is 2.5 years and co-sleeps with me. Was in a cot but came into our bed during the night at around a year. We tried to put him in with his sibling but he would wake up around 12 and would wake everyone crying and trying to find us. He's also take a long time to settle after waking up.

He was still waking 2/3 times a night until recently (was easy to settle if was with me) but now he "wakes" around 3am and rolls over until he finds me and I get 2 hours of rubbing, stroking, kicking so I'm not sleeping. He's still fast asleep but needs this constant contact and I obviously can't sleep with this going on!

He often wakes if I get up in the night to go to the loo but will go straight back to sleep once I get back into bed.

Anyone any experience of this and what did you do....

Giving it a little bump to see if anyone has experienced this

He needs to go back into his own bed.

You’re not going to like it, but you need to break this with sleep training him to be in his own bed. It will be hard given his age though but you need to sleep.

100% experience of this but no solution I'm afraid. To make matters worse my son is 4 in a couple of weeks! Was your son breastfed? I bf my son until around 20 months and I put the constant need for close contact down to this!

I will sneak off to sleep in his bed and within minutes he has got up and joined me. The only thing I've found is that once he's asleep I move to the bottom of the bed and he can still feel my body so is a bit more settled and I do t have him breathing right in my face all night I'm still hoping he will grow out of it but someone might have some more constructive advice for us! Xx

She's three and a half and asleep with her legs over me as we speak. Slept like a dream on her own until about 18 months. We've agreed she'll go in to her own bed when she's 4.

Will the settle co-sleeping with their Dad?

Leave them to it - sleep with Daddy or on your own?

I’m on night two of ‘operation sleep in your own bloody bed’. DS is 4 and a half and starting school in September. He has NEVER slept in his own bed so for the past two nights, I’ve laid with him until he’s asleep and then gone to my own bed. I’m hoping I can gradually start leaving earlier and earlier.

Thanks for all the replies.

Would love to get him into his bed & agree I need to push it, what's holding me back is he wakes everyone else when he screams blue murder when he finds I'm not with him. We're also in a flat so I'm conscious of the neighbours children as well. The current sleeping arrangements is that everyone gets a nights sleep but me with these 2hours of fidgety contact.

We're going on holiday on Monday but there's 2 weeks before school starts when we're back so I'll try then & I don't feel as bad if he's waking others

He was breastfed and still has a feed before bed. I know needs to go too! No overnight feeds and I refuse daytime feeds when he asks.

Won't settle for daddy but is starting to want daddy a bit more now whereas before it was always mummy.

He doesn't have a comforter but takes a different toy with him to bed every night. Tonight it's a fire engine.

Sorry some of you are in the same situation. I'm grateful he's started sleeping through the night it's just this constant contact in the early hours. If it was just a hand or leg on me fine, but the rubbing, scratching, kicking, sticking his feet down my pj bottoms is really irritating!

He is asleep when doing it.

The other thing to note is he's still napping up to 2hrs a day so it must be affecting his quality of sleep too

Is it something he'll grow out of.... 🤷🏻‍♀️

Best of luck to you! Keep us updated on how it goes. I've heard once school starts it really takes it out of them so that might help too.

Older sibling starts in September so I'll find out then too. Her sleep wasn't brilliant either with lots of wakings until about 6 months ago.

Cut out the nap every other day or restrict it to 40 mins.

After the breastfeed your DH settles him to sleep. I assume you don't feed go to sleep?

I think his nap might be too long meaning he's not in a deep enough sleep at night. Have you tried making his daytime nap shorter, maybe an hour? I wouldn't bother trying to force him to sleep in his own bed. Most likely he'll just end up in your bed in the middle of the night. It's clear he wants you to feel safe (this can be frustrating I know). Try reducing the nap first, and then alternating with your husband as to who sleeps with your son

I would definitely try reducing the nap.

I would lose my head. Get him in his own bed.

Maybe try putting him with you but in a sleep sack? The fidgeting may not be so noticeable then. Definitely cut out the nap.

No advice just solidarity as I'm in the same boat with DS who's almost 20 months. Not a massive issue just now as DH works overnight but come winter when he's back to days we'll be starting operation get ds into his own bed.
We have the same 2/3am wake up then he just fidgets and kicks me in the head til its time to get up

I agree with trying to cut the nap down. I would cut it down to 45 mins initially and see if that helps. I also think a sleeping bag is a good idea. If none of that works I’d sleep train, it’ll be hard for a week or so, but very likely to work in my experience. I don’t see why you need to stop the breastfeed though. Unless you want to of course.

I agree to cut the nap every other day too (I find this easier than waking kids from a nap). Works for my 2.5 year old. Unsettled sleep with him is usually because he’s slept too long in the day, so I think we get ourselves in a vicious circle. I think you’re more likely to be able to amend his behaviour in your bed ie. Make him sleep away from you, rather than making him sleep in his own room.

Thank you. Brilliant advice I'll take on board.

So last night I woke up at 4:30am and he was still on his side of the bed! I've been awake since and he only started to feel for me at 5:50am. He woke up 6am like clockwork.

The magic trick was to post on MN! 😂

I need to sleep train myself as I'm so used to be awake in the early hours I couldn't go back to sleep.

He's not breastfed to sleep although the odd time he does drop off. He has a feed and then asks for a cuddle. But will get DH involved more at bedtime. He's not going to settle for him unless it becomes more the norm.

I'll work on nap time. He can go without a nap but the next day needs a longer nap to make up for the missed nap. Maybe the trick is restricting it. I woke him up from his nap today as he fell asleep in his buggy when we were out. I woke him up when we got to where we were going so he didn't miss out.

We put him in with his sibling just after he turned 2. I think we haven't been as strict with insisting on keeping him in his own bed as we've had quite a few trips away then loads of sickness with each child, pox, covid, D&V. We've never got into a routine. The kids weren't necessarily sick at the same time, often back to back so one parent was always with a sick child.

Interestingly when he had covid he didn't nap at all but was incredibly clingy with skin to skin contact. So his hands were always up or down my top or reaching in via a sleeve.

Someone suggested looking into sensory issues but I've not noticed it on anything apart from me

Thank you to all who responded

this!! Jesus how are you functioning? Cut the breastfeeding and Co-sleeping, this isn’t a baby.

@Nowhyshouldi Have you purposely hunted out this year + old thread just to leave a bitchy comment? What a wonderful human you are.

Same situation here! Was happy in his own bed but now at 2.5 has adamantly moved back in with me and DH. It can be irritating but still getting more sleep than traipsing back and forth putting him to bed in the wee hours as have a 7am start at work and need every precious minute 🤣

agreed to try kicking him out again over half term or october where we are all off and can deal with any lost sleep as afternoon naps (me not him)

Interested in how you have got one over the last year OP. Is your son in his own bed now?

@grosgirl how's it going? I'm in a similar situation with 4.5yo DS