Toddler wants me to sit in the room

[GailForce4356]

My DS is 21 months and sleeps in a cot is his own room. He used to be fairly good at being put down and falling asleep on his own albeit maybe a moan or a couple of times going in to settle. But recently he had been crying and standing up and throwing his comforter out of the cot and wanting us to sit in the room while he drifts off.

If I try to leave he stands up and screams again and it's back
To square one.

I don't mind sitting for a bit but sometimes it's 45 mins.

His routine is normally

6pm - bath
6.15pm - pyjamas on
6.30-6.45pm - milk upstairs and some books
7pm - in cot

He doesn't normally fall asleep usually till 7.30pm but as I said he would normally just roll around or chat away.

I don't want him being distressed but also don't want to spend a chunk of my evening sitting in his room pretending to be asleep too.

Mine newest to bed before 8pm, so as he’s awake for 30 mins have you tried pushing his bed time back ?

I think this is pretty normal, if not much fun. If he goes to sleep happily by himself with no more intervention than you sitting in the room then I'd go with it tbh, especially if you can find an angle that means you can just chill on your phone! If you have a partner who's home at that time of day I'd take it week about so you don't have to do it all the time. Although as the PP said his routine starts very early, maybe try push it back a bit.

This was a phase we went through, we just took it as a chance to sit down ourselves.

Thanks for the advice. We will maybe try pushing bedtime out a little again.

We had tried in the past and found he took much longer to go to sleep and he was overtired but maybe now he is a little older it might work.

Conversely to everyone else, I was absolutely not going to waste an hour of my evening sitting in the dark, so when DD went through this phase we told her very firmly that we were not coming back in, and then we didn't. Two nights of tantrums and then easy bedtimes again.

I sat with my toddler for months and it was doing my head in so I stopped, did controlled crying and within a few days he was back to sleeping beautifully. He's 4 now and so far we've had no further sleep issues

Going through exactly this at 22 months. It's been quite a few weeks now. But I've read so many horror stories on here of people with previously good sleepers who got into this rut for months with bedtime taking longer and longer that I refuse to stay until she falls asleep. There's a lot of cajoling and comforting and generally in and out but I make sure I'm never in there when she falls asleep so hopefully it's not creating a habit and we will get through the phase soon - can feel it gradually improving

I’m with @TeddyBeans and @Changeableweather but I’m waiting for the pile on that claim child cruelty. Did it with mine and they’re well adjusted adults and were very good sleepers. I have friends that stayed in with their children for years and hated it, one was still laying down with her daughter before she started secondary school.

I did some sort of gradual withdrawal - moving slightly further away each night until you just have your legs stuck in the door, then leave your shoes as emotional support items 😂

We've been going through this too. He was great and it's only been the last two months he expects me to sit with him. It can take an hour for him to fall asleep and I hate it! However if DH
puts him to sleep, he will actually let him leave much easier so he does some days but others it's down to me. I guess it's a phase... a couple of times I say 'I'm coming back tomorrow, bye bye' with a kiss and just leave. Sometimes he cries but settles down quickly. If he gets very upset for a certain amount of time I just go back in. Hope it's a phase that ends soon.

We did controlled crying with him when he was one as he wouldn't settle and and was still waking 2-3 times her night so I'm not adversed to letting him cry for periods.

Controlled crying worked for us in 2-3 nights as well but I don't know what going on with him just now. Maybe a developmental thing.

Last night my husband sat with him but not until he fell asleep and then left. He cried bur settled down again after 5 minutes or so.

I think this is the route I will try, just leaving after shorter times.

If we leave him immediately he gets himself in such states that it's like back to square one for bedtime.

Conversely to everyone else, I was absolutely not going to waste an hour of my evening sitting in the dark, so when DD went through this phase we told her very firmly that we were not coming back in, and then we didn't. Two nights of tantrums and then easy bedtimes again.

Similar stance here, although not quite as ‘firm’ - chilled out and cosy bedtime routine with a nice story, quick lullaby, kisses, I love you and that’s it I’m going now… all very sweet and matter of fact. I’ve done everything I need to do! LO knows he’s loved and cared for. And for his own good he needs to sleep now. No guilt on my part if he starts winging 🤷‍♀️ At that age they are old enough to understand now is bedtime.
If you genuinely suspect it could be lack of tiredness then push bed time back a little.

Ours had exactly this around the same age - I think it's a phase. What we did was:

Start by cuddling then putting back in cot and sitting on the floor holding hand till they sleep
Next night hold hands but let go and sit close until they sleep. If they want hand holding do it but keep letting go but staying close.
Next night sit a metre away. If they want you close by give them a pat / hand hold then sit a metre away.
Next few days - Gradual retreat to the door until they settle.

This worked and took us just over a week of consistency. On the final night they called out and we went back in once to reassure before they settled.

Now they are back to being put down saying night night mummy and self settling.

They only other thing I thought looking at your timings is that you're taking quite a while to get the bedtime routine done - an hour and a half from when it begins until your toddler sleeps seems a long time. I would condense it right down to something like this:
6.45 milk and quiet time downstairs (stories, cuddles, nursery rhymes or whatever)
7pm bath and teeth
7.15pm PJ's and bedtime story
7.30pm into bed