9 day old and NO sleep at night. What are we doing wrong?

[Sarahjct]

Morning everyone. Well, as the title says my 9 day old dd does not sleep at all between about 10pm and 7am. During the day she'll go four hour stretches but at night, nothing. She feeds constantly and takes up to 2 hours to finish a feed that would take her 15 mins during the day. As soon as she is finished she wants more and the cycle starts again.

I know she's tiny and can't be expected to do anything that makes sense and I was prepared for getting up every couple of hours etc and all the usual stuff but neither of us closes our eyes for 9 hours and I can't cope with it any more.

I know they're all different but is this normal? Anyone I ask in RL gives me a knowing smile and laughs at my misfortune but I feel like getting into the car and running away. What am I doing wrong? Oh, and DH is snoring away beside me as usual despite me constantly being in tears.

After having issues with feeding I feel like everything has been a disaster and I don't know why I ever thought I could do this. Sorry for whingy post.

have felt similar recently!

my dd1 is 17 days old and was not sleeping atall for part of the night. i tried keeping her more awake during the day and it really helped. perhaps as little as 20 minutes after a feed helped.

good luck! we have feeding / weight gain issues too. what were yours?

oh. and we also felt that not stimulating her at night with lots of eye contact / jiggles / talking / cooing helped too.

we found swaddling helpful.

oh. and we also felt that not stimulating her at night with lots of eye contact / jiggles / talking / cooing helped too.

we found swaddling helpful.

are they getting any sunshine during the day? they are still little and not really into day and night differences yet. try to get them to stay awake a little bit in natural light as much as possible during the day. keep it dim dark and quiet at night.

Try limiting her day sleep to 3 hour stretches - i.e. wake fully [nappy change helps], feed (one side, wind, short break, then feed other side]

She'll get the hang of it soon,but it must be really tough for you at the moment. give your dh a prod

she` sprobably got her day and night muddled up,keep going and take her outside to get plenty of daylight to stimulate a hormone[cant remember name.but it helps them sleep] have a look at www.babywhisperer site ..theyre very helpful and you can ask lots of questions.. theyve helped me recently through this minefield of babies..and im on my third!!!

Our DS very similar and DW basically has had no choice but to co-sleep. One thing that might help - if DS (now six weeks) is being really awful at night I put him in the car and drive him around for a couple of hours. He goes to sleep immediately and is often calmer and more willing to sleep when I return. Your's may be a little young for this at moment, but its something your DH could do when you feel she is ready and would give you a break.

This is very normal. You arent doing anything wrong. She is only 9 days old. That is really very young to expect anything.

Babies do take quite a while to feed. They dont understand a 24 hour clock. They have been curled up, snug and warm inside their mum for 9 months.

They dont have any understanding of anything - except that they are hungry, cold, hot, dirty. That's about it.

It does take time. Some babies settle quite quickly, some dont.

Do you have the baby right next to you at night time? Can DH give you a night off if you express some milk?

Also, bear in mind that coping with such little sleep is bound to make you feel tearful, stressed, and like you arent coping. Give yourself a chance

sarahjct sorry to hear you are havin a tough time of things. this type of behaviour is really common in newborns TBH. my DD was exactly the same i just found that if i slept whenever she did in the daytime then i felt better about sitting up trying to settle her at night. it didnt last for long i think about 4 weeks or so and she started being more alert during the day. it totally sucks bum when you are so exhausted but just keep taking things one day at a time and you will crack it i remember i felt at one point like taking her to the nearest person and saying here you go you can have this and goin back to bed thankfully i didnt or this would be a different story
all the knowing looks and sly smiles wont help sleep will so grab it while you can forget the housework and the usual daytime routine you had before DD and just go with the flow for a few weeks. it will get better
HTH and all the best good luck vibes > sent to you xx and ps give your DH a poke!!
xx ei xx

Your post brings it all back. Can remember getting to horrendous day 11 & virtually no sleep in that time. I felt like I was at breaking point, combined with the delivery from hell & battling to bf, so you have my utmost sympathies.

Definitely as other pp's have said get lo out into daylight/day naps in daylight and then set the mood for night-time sleeping. The tips we were given were: dark, same piece of quiet music, warm crib with hot water bottle, use dh's worn top to lo lie on for a comforting smell that doesn't remind them of you/food.

If you can encourage your lo to comfort feed during the evening it might help, easier said then done I know! I wouldn't let ds go off on a small feed either, he got into the habit of snacking in the night, so upto 11pm if he drifted off, I used to put him down which would wake him and then give him more milk.

I also handed lo to dh and went for a 5 hour sleep!

i second what everyone else said and wanted to say to be sure that you leave the curtains open for daytime naps, that helps them learn. don't worry, it's not forever, really.

You have my sympathy, my ds2 was like that! Aitch is right, it does get better.

Have you tried feeding lying down? You need a good stash of pillows when they're tiny but you might find it more restful - we did it when ds2 was little and once we both got the hang of it it made such a difference - you can sort of snooze while they feed.

It's really tough but it will get better and the day/night thing really won't last that long - honestly!

my dd1 was like that for the first 6 weeks.i was like a zombie as ds1 was only 11months old at the time.when i had finally had enough i got her up one morning when shed only been asleep for about half an hour,got her washed and dressed and didnt put her back in her moses basket untill night time.
she slept from 9-8 that night and slept through every night after.

i second what others say about keeping it dark and quiet at night.

i started getting my youngest 3 in a bath-bottle-bed routine from birth as i had to get up at 7 to get the others to school,and they slept pretty well from an early age.im not suggesting you be as harsh as i was but just making sure night is dark and boring and day is light and interesting can make a big difference.

and dont worry,i dont think anything can prepare you for how difficult those sleep-deprived first few weeks are,and you wont be the first who has felt like running away!

I agree with everything everyone else said and would just like to add my sympathy and support. It's tough and relentless and there's no cutting corners. I also had a snoring partner and felt like I was in my own perosnal hell between crying baby and snoring man! Personally, I found hitting him helped (not hard, obviously!) but that's up to you!

Its a flamin nightmare i know, but every mum will tell you the same thing, time, patience, routine (within reason) and matchsticks for your eyelids. we,ve all been there, try to sleep when she does, sod the house, it will still be there when you get up. Good luck

Oh, this brings back memories... mine were just the same and I remember my sister in law (australian) when she had her LO saying she should have just got on a plane back to see her parents the day after her daughter was born and then everything would have been in synch!!!! Basically when they are inside the little ones seem to have the opposite cycle tp us - i.e. when we are running around and active in the day, they sleep and when we are still and sleeping they are active and sadly that initially continues after birth. The best way to break this is lots of sunlight, but of course at this time of year it's not easy.... I'd suggest that durung the day you try and wake you lo for feeds at least every 3 hours and put her into natural light as much as you possibly can. Other than that, all I can say is IT WILL IMPROVE. Don't stress too much!!

There are is a great book which can't be named on this site but like the horse whisperer but about babies. Highly reccomend it, lots of useful info to help you in that. It was my bible.

if you mean the baby whisperer, there's no problem with naming it tulip.

Hi sarah I am really sympathising with you I would recommend the same as lots of others - only basic attention during night feeds - keep the lights off/very low as opposed to open curtains and daylight during the day.
And I agree with lying down feeding, you can doze happily while they sleep... it usually ends up being co-sleeping and I'm not sure how you would feel about that, but anyway for most bf mums who feed lying down its impossible not to fall asleep, and boy do you need it! You can deal with the 'putting into cot' thing later on, if it gets you some snooze time then I would just do it as she's still so little. But that's just my opinion.

Also, I have found with both babies that some sort of really obvious bedtime routine done in the same order every day helps, and in our case this meant a lie-down on the bed with some bare bum time, a quick bath and into bedtime clothes, then a feed. And I didn't do this at 7pm I did this at our bedtime, because I wanted their longest sleeps to be at the same time as mine!

It will get better, every day you deal with it is a day closer to getting some sleep!

Sending you huge hugs, I think lots of people feel like this - I know I did at your stage! No one can prepare you for the sleep deprivation, you are exhausted! Of course you still are a great mother and are doing a great job and all your feelings very normal...

Can you sleep during the day when your little one has her four hour stretches? I know it might feel a vampire-like existence but I think you just need to switch round your day for a few weeks and sleep all day and be feeding all night...my DD's were both voracious feeders at night and I got really fed up of being up all night and asleep all day when the whole world was out and about..

This phase will pass, I promise!