Desperate - 11 month old screaming herself to sleep for hours every night

[Phunny]

Hello, I’m really struggling with my 11 month old who screams for between 30 mins - 3 hours every night. She is fine while being fed etc but as soon as I put her in her cot, she cries hysterically. Nothing seems to calm her. If I pick her up or feed her again I can calm her temporarily but as soon as she’s back in the cot she cries again.

she has a good bedtime routine. Naps are also a nightmare and very haphazard, she only sleeps in the car or the pram and I have older children so it’s difficult to try the cot. When I have tried, we get the same hysterical crying. She usually naps twice a day, longer in the morning then a shorter one in the afternoon ending about 4pm.

i am tempted to try controlled crying since I worry this extreme crying is damaging her. But she sometimes bangs her head on the cot, and sometimes seems to be hyperventilating, so I hate the thought of leaving her.

my older one did the same, but 9/10 would feed to sleep. This one never feeds to sleep.

i would be really grateful for any advice. I am at my wits end because she is so very upset.

Could she have reflux?

Oh it’s horrible isn’t it ☹️ My 11 month old just had a really similar phase for a good few weeks. I had to rock him to sleep or he screamed bloody murder for hours.
Husband cracked it by putting him down and rubbing his back, and every time he tried to get up putting him back down on his front and doing back rubs again.
It did take a few weeks to wean him back off it but he’s now back to going down and self settling with no issues.
Hang in there! It’s so hard but it doesn’t actually last for ever 🥰

@DoingJustFine i don’t know about reflux, because she hasn’t been doing it until maybe a month ago, I thought that was more for little babies? I’ll have a look into it, thanks.

thanks @MrsT36 it is good to know you have got through it and come out the other side!

A few questions: is she like this if she's settled by you (rather than left to self settle)? Did it start after weaning?
If no to the first then probably just a separation thing and she's not ready to put herself to sleep. Neither of mine could do this til much much older.
If yes to the second, have a look at allergies and intolerances. Dairy is a good place to start.

@Phunny I had a read of wonder weeks and it did coincide with a new developmental leap. The book suggested it was a separation anxiety thing, and it should pass. You’re definitely not alone, but if it goes in for more than a few weeks maybe check out allergies/reflux x

My 13month old did this for about 6 weeks, started a month before his birthday. He would only go to sleep in the baby carrier where before I could put him down and he would suck his thumb and go to sleep. It was a shock
as he’d always been an easy bedtime/sleep compared to my non sleeping eldest.
I just went with it, some nights he was awake til 10/11 then fell asleep downstairs, other times he’s go to sleep at 7/8 but only being rocked in the carrier. It got to the point he would scream if I took him in his room, even just for a nappy change.
it was really tough. I’ve not done anything apart from continuing bedtime routine and white noise and trying to put him down or if not in the carrier. I did buy a better white noise machine! But when he kicked off I just brought him back downstairs. Suddenly last week he went in his cot and has done for every bed and nap since! He had also gone to one long nap a day rather than two.
hang in there, let standards slip elsewhere. I have an older son so had to use carrier so I could
do his bedtime and to stop the crying disturbing him.
it will get better, sending solidarity hugs!

Hey I just wanted to say thank you again for all the solidarity & good advice. I’ve tried a few different things which if nothing else has given me a bit of hope at bedtime and something else to think about rather than just the screaming! She seems to be settling a little bit quicker now. I am hoping it was a phase like @AssumethePerpendicular‘s baby. thanks again 😚

Just wanted to say we realized relatively early on that is being in the room made DD more upset, not less. When she wasn’t going down for naps when she was a baby I tried going in and out every minute or two, patting her to sleep etc but she just would not go to sleep and cried. Slept well overnight so knew she could. I finally nap trained her. Shut the door, night night, didn’t go back in. 10 mins of crying and 10 minutes of groaning back to sleep for two naps, much less the next day then went down for naps with no crying ever since. I think for her me being there and not rocking/feeding or me coming in out but continuing to leave was more upsetting. I know the convention is the go in and out thing but every kid is different… if it doesn’t work try something else.