Sleep training

[dribbler00]

So I had already trained my LO to fall asleep on her own in the cot at around 5mths nearly 8ths now. She is breastfed and wakes at around 10-11pm and then again at 2-3am and is up from about 5:30-6am.

Last night I tried to sleep train her she seemed to settle herself between 10-11pm and woke at 11:50pm, she cried for around an hour with regular check ins from me but no breast. It was heartbreaking watching her cry on the monitor. She then woke at 4:15am and I thought it was probably not best to let her cry at that time for an hour so I fed her. She went back to sleep.

Was wondering if anyone has been in similar position where baby is able to self settle to sleep for naps and bed time, but still woke for feeding in the night and how they went about getting baby to sleep through the night?

Honestly, if she can self settle at bedtime but is waking for feeds in the night, at 8m, I'd assume she was hungry. Very normal.

When she feeds in the night usually, does she go back to sleep easily?

I feel that it is not hunger, she is waking out of habit and comfort. I created this myself by never leaving her to cry at night not even for one minute. She eats 3 meals a day and gets all the milk she needs. She is in 9-12mths clothes and does not need the extra calories.

Well the question then is of you think she's only waking for comfort are you willing to refuse her that closeness and reassurance? 8m is peak separation anxiety time, they often need you more at this age. It's tiring, but that's babies for you. They need that security to develop and grow.

You need to do what you feel is best but she is very young still and night waking for feeds is normal at her age.

Well now I feel really bad and guilty, I will quit sleep training

We live in a very sleep training centric society and lots of people feel they have no choice.

You do and you can’t go wrong following your baby’s needs.

We had this. Almost identical, I think you’re a month or 2 early in expecting her sleeping through the night.

my little one self soothed from a tiny age and woke at the same sort of times for boob x2 a night. At 9-10m I knew it wasn’t hunger because she would suckle for seconds before falling straight back to sleep. At the exact same times of night. So when I was confident she was well, well fed from the day and had had a good feed before bed, we did the furber method one night. It was 1 horrible night but she’s slept through ever since, never once woke and she’s now 2.5!

as pp said, 8m is peak separation anxiety. Keep going as normal for another couple of weeks

She will have a great deal of separation anxiety at this age, so sleep training that involves you leaving her alone for periods of time will be very stressful and possibly frightening for her. It would be natural after that that she would want you overnight for reassurance and comfort even if she is not hungry. It's up to you whether you want to train her out of that too - continuing to leave her to cry will eventually do the job.

I'm surprised you've gone for never leaving her to cry for even a minute to being willing to leave her to cry for an hour. That's quite a drastic change in approach. Did something happen to trigger it?

It really saddens me that sleep training culture has people letting their babies cry themselves to sleep for an hour 😔

Did it make you feel good about yourself to jump on a post weeks old just to dig the knife in?

Since OP had already decided to stop sleep training that comment isn’t putting the boot in, it’s passing judgment on the prevailing culture around infant sleep, not the OP herself. If anything it’s agreeing with her that it’s not an intuitive way to parent a baby, or care for anyone we love and care about.

@AnneLovesGilbert correct.

@MolliciousIntent my comment wasn't intended as a dig against the OP, it was a dig against sleep training culture. As a new mum, my social media feed is FULL of suggested posts from sleep 'experts' and 'consultants' who use scare tactics to frighten new mums into thinking they need to teach their babies how to sleep (which is bollocks, sleep is development) by leaving them to cry alone in the dark. It's predatory, and I can completely understand how someone would fall into the trap of thinking that they have to sleep train their baby in order to 'fix' them. For the first few weeks of my babies life they had me convinced I had broken my baby, until I started educating myself on biologically normal infant sleep.

It also saddens me that OP says in another post that she 'created this myself by never leaving her to cry at night not even for one minute' (which to me only signals the love she has for her child). How is it that responding to your child is perceived as a negative thing? I see this in sleep training culture too, the idea that supporting your child is somehow hampering their development.

Wait till yours go through a sleeping regression that last 3 months and counting, with your baby waking every 45 min crying throughout the WHOLE night, refusing to be put down and only wanting to sleep on you, every night, despite fed, changed, burped and medically fine. And even then, still crying AND NOT SETTLING. Forgot to mention there still might be a toddler to take care of. So much judgement here. If you haven’t experienced real sleep deprivation, you really have no clue what you’re dealing with here, the level of exhaustion and toll of your mental health is beyond.

Teething hell! (We think)
In the past week my 5mo has had 3 days of diarrhoea, a high temp that lasted 24 hours and wants to put everything in her mouth. The last 4 nights have been awful we can’t put her down without her waking 20 minutes later so she is contact sleeping and is very clingy in the day - please tell me this is definitely teething!
she is a poor sleeper usually but this is ridiculous

Preach!! Got 2 hours sleep last night, had to get up to express milk because DC was refusing the breast although hungry. The only reason we're not sleep training is because we're so tired we're finding the crying too much. This has been going on since Christmas by the way. Both have jobs and an older DC that we don't want disturbed in the night either.

I’ve never sleep trained, I think it’s a horrible thing to do! Hunger, separation anxiety, just want a parent cuddle, disorientated in the dark…
Would you leave a baby crying for hours during the day?

The thing with sleep training is that it's not always a silver bullet and you have to remind them in times of regression, teething, illness etc.

DC1 was a 45 min/screaming in your face nap refuser and we used the ferber method at 6.5m and she slept through after 3 nights, was a much happier baby for it and was never bothered by teething etc and never woke during the night unless unwell.

DC2 was a great sleeper from birth but we did some gentle ferber method (smaller intervals of 2min, 3 min etc) and he took to it well and fell asleep within 15 mins the first night. Fast forward to 8 months and I know he can go 7pm-5am without a feed (EBF). If he is upset for more than 15 mins then I go through and feed him. I have 15 mins as a cut off because during the day if he wakes too early for his nap he will fall asleep within that time but if he doesn't then I know it's time to get him up. A lot of the time he rolls around in his cot and if he is tired he moans. I guess it might be worth paying attention to if you want to have a cut off during the night for crying? Other than that might be worth a little calpol if teething or checking if their room is cold? Separation anxiety is hard one but consistency is key to sleep training.

Also for the same of a few nights sleep training....surely that's somewhat kinder in the long run than keeping your baby sleep deprived because surely if you feel like shit on no sleep then so will your baby. A few nights vs sometimes years is a no brained for me.

*for the sake of a few nights of training

My baby is a similar age and has a very similar wake pattern, except I can mostly get her to sleep again from her 5/6am wake up by feeding her, then sleeping with my hand on her tummy.

The best method I've found for getting her to change her sleep pattern if she starts adding another feed in, is to start feeding her, but then just fall asleep myself (safely cosleeping). After doing this once or twice, she'll stop waking up at that time. Obviously, no crying involved and if she's actually hungry, I might get woken up again in an hour. I've done this a few times when she's tried to slot in a midnight feed on top of her 10pm, 2am & 5am!