Help! We have fallen victim to a yoga ball!

[poppyflower1803]

Hi everyone,

I have a four month old. She has been a fairly good sleeper (once asleep and in her crib) since newborn but I have always found it super difficult to get her to go to sleep. We have just gone through the sleep regression which I believe has reinforced some bad habits we used to use when newborn, one being bouncing on a yoga ball to get her to sleep. I am now finding it impossible to use any other method to get her to go to sleep apart from bouncing. She hardly ever feeds to sleep anymore and I have started some 'sleep training' by trying to put her in her cot while drowsy and she just screams until I pick her up and bounce her. It's become a real crux and is getting me down as I would like to sleep train her without using the cry it out method, but she will not respond to any comforting stimulus such as me stroking her head or singing lullabies or shushes unless she is bounced. How do I break this association? How the hell do I get her to fall asleep in the crib without me bouncing her?

She can self soothe, she falls asleep by herself in the car, and at night if she wakes up I have seen her self soothe herself back to sleep. We also use the same lullaby to signal sleep time and have a comfort bunny that she sucks lol. Why is it different for naps and when I am initially trying to get her to sleep at night.

Her schedule is all over the place but here is an example:

Please note: I am trying to get her into an earlier wake up and earlier bedtime. I think we need to drop her last nap and focus on a bedtime routine then. We are also having building work done which is making it nearly impossible to get her to sleep alone, though she is slowly becoming more accustomed to it.

Wake up: 9am

Nap: 10:30/11am for 40mins/1hour

Feed and play: 12pm

Nap: 1:30/2pm for an hour

Feed and play: 3pm

Nap: 4:30/5pm for 2-3 hours

Feed and play: 6:30/7pm

Nap: 8pm for 30mins -1 hours (trying to drop this nap!)

Feed and play: 9pm

Bedtime: 10/10:30pm

She then wakes a couple times a night for a feed but will sleep about 5-6 hours straight on a good night, will few and go back to sleep until 9.

Please help a very confused FTM.

very loud white noise and leave her for up to 6 minutes. If she’s not winding down the crying by then then give in and bounce, try again the next night, she’ll get used to it eventually

Or just do pay shush for longer. Used to take about an hour sometimes but it works eventually and breaks the association…

Thank you @Wnikat, I will have to keep persevering I think. She doesn't respond to white noise she just lies there. It calms her down to start with but she will be awake for a while just listening to white noise then will start to cry. I'm hoping if I keep putting her down to start with and trying for a while she will eventually start to understand she needs to fall asleep in her crib and eventually by herself. I just don't want her to be in tears but bouncing is the only comfort that seems to work :(

Reason lo crys is because its a habit for them to be bounced. Sadly to get past it. Your have to break the habit. Like pp to break try other ways. Lo will adapt pretty well.

I wouldn't. White noise is apparently not great for their hearing.

If she's not requiring hours of bouncing several times a night is it really a problem? Lots of people will tell you that you have to "break the habit" or that babies should "learn to sleep on their own", and there are books and programmes aplenty that will try and sell you their method. But 4 months is pretty young and it sounds as though she is experiencing pretty normal infant sleep. This might be an unpopular opinion on MN as many others will have used sleep training methods, but the more I've actually dug into it, the more it looks like those methods are based on pretty poor premises and really just cause unnecessary stress for babies and parents. Keep with your instincts of not leaving your baby to cry, OP. You are hardwired to respond to your child's cries and that's as it should be, not a design fault.

BTW, people who tell you they have a set routine by 4 months are either lying or have weirdly compliant babies. Some degree of predictability is good, but you don't need to be a slave to schedules.

If it isn't causing you any particular stress, why not just bounce her? She's a tiny baby, she'll grow out of it. I bounced mine every night until one night she didn't need bouncing any more and that was that. Never bounced her again.

But I'm a 'why make work for yourself' parent so your mileage may vary.

As for the not feeding to sleep thing, I also found that my baby reached that point. She needs to be wound down for quite a long time before she'll go down in the crib. I use a sling round the house, then once she starts getting sleepy I'll loosen the strap, feed her in the sling and gradually slip it off her while she feeds to sleep. Works most of the time for the first nap and then at bedtime. The rest of our naps I just have to keep her in the baby carrier, which does get a bit tiring on my back, but it's how we manage. In plenty of cultures around the world babies spend most of the day strapped to their mother's back and they all learn to sleep and become independent adults when the time comes, so I'm not stressing about it.

With you on that. I'm over here with a 4.5 month-old who needs A LOT of walking/time in a sling often with a side of feeding. I tied myself in knots for a couple of months comparing myself to the mums with a neat little schedule, bedtime routine that ended at 7pm, etc. I've come to realise that that's not who my daughter is, not who I am, and not who we all are as a family. So I'll keep up with the sling and the boob so long as it works! (That said, I could do without the split nights. Waking up at 4.30am to an excited baby who needs to be walked up and down the hallway for an hour is something I could do without, but I know it won't last forever.)

Hi everyone,

I appreciate your responses and that she is young. In an ideal world I would continue to bounce her and cuddle her ♥️ Unfortunately I have to put her in nursery soon due to me going back to teacher training, and the ONLY way she sleeps at the moment is via bouncing on a ball, not even rocking in arms or bouncing arms. Just wanted to help break the association sooner rather than later to ease the transition into nursery for herself and the staff though I know they are equipped with dealing with all sorts of ways children sleep and that children often sleep better at nursery!

Thank you @Cashew22, that does make me feel better! Her night time sleep, albeit the regression, has been brilliant so I cannot really complain. I just worry about whether I can get her into a better routine for when she goes 7am-6pm at nursery 3x a week in a couple months . Another reason my heart is breaking 💔

@Cashew22 I think I have also got myself in a state comparing routines, huckleberry method, other sleep routines, advice and babies! Though I have had an increase of anxiety recently so wonder if that's driving my obsession 😅

I know my baby is young and needs the help and that's ok for now ♥️ I just hope come the next few months the bouncing won't come and bite us in the back.

That's reassuring! What age did she not require it anymore? Did you just pop her in crib and she fell asleep by herself?

I do agree in not making it harder than it needs to be. I very quickly resort back to the bouncing if I try to put her down drowsy 😅

Sorry @Duttercup! I realised I typed your baby as a she! I meant they ♥️

I can completely understand your anxiety over the nursery situation. A couple of thoughts:

• Do you definitely have to start your teacher training in the autumn? Would you defer for a term or a year if you could? You've probably considered this already, but it's worth asking the question.

• Can you ring/email the nursery to ask about how they handle naps in babies of that age? I'm really hoping for your sake and your baby's that they don't just use a cry-it-out method, and I have no tips if they say they do. However, they might have their own techniques which maybe you could encorporate into your native routine before or alongside the bouncing. For encouragement, my sister presented her son at nursery and said "yeah, sorry, he doesn't nap." Come nap time, he went down on a mat on the floor with all the other children without a fuss every single time. Granted he was around 2, but it goes to show that small children are often more adaptable than we give then credit for.

• You mentioned your daughter falls asleep in the car. Strictly speaking this is another sleep crutch, but it might offer alternatives to the bouncing if you want to try something else. Pram? Sling?

I am in a similar boat to you as I'm starting a Masters in October and my daughter is 4.5 months right now. But my husband is planning on taking leave until she is about 1, so it's not quite as heartbreaking. I feel really lucky now that this is even an option for us.

It's so hard not to compare, isn't it? I still catch myself wondering whether I should give this or that method a try, etc.

I do use Huckleberry, but only as a sleep tracker. I don't have a paid subscription. I find it useful just to keep a visual of when my baby's last nap was, how long etc., so that I have a rough idea of when she'll start getting tired again, but it's not an exact science by any means. I'm also trying to introduce a consistent wake time and earlier bedtime, but I'm typing this with my boob still out at 9pm. But then my daughter is VERY alert and often wakes herself up the second I put her down in the crib, so that's a challenge!

I wouldn’t worry about nursery. DD went into nursery as a fed-to-sleep contact napper and was instantly a self-settling cot napper in nursery from day one. They use witchcraft there. Would come home each evening and be fed to sleep again. I do not have witchcraft.

Hi @Cashew22

I am also sitting with my boob out at 9 feeding my daughter and then probably bouncing my daughter to sleep!

Unfortunately I do probably need to start again this coming September due to financial reasons I would like to gain QTS as soon as possible to help with career progression. It's a grit my teeth and bare it situation for a better future! But would love to defer another year if I could ♥️

I definitely need to ask nursery regarding their nap protocols. Should have already thought about that 😅 the manager there is lovely, and so far I have loved their approach with everything especially coming from an early years background I have been impressed by them so hopefully they follow suit with naps. I will put it on my to do list to get in touch. I believe they will be contacting me for some settling in sessions soon anyway.

Sling she used to fall asleep in facing me as a newborn, but now being an adventurous 4 month old she screams if she is not world-facing, therefore doesn't fall asleep! She does sleep in the pram, sometimes she just drops off but most of the time she cries when we go somewhere from a-b u too she falls asleep. Making me often stop, pick her up, comfort her, put her down, walk 20 metres and repeat 😅

Good luck on your masters! It feels like the first semester is coming round so quickly!

I use a baby tracker and follow the wake windows too, which have worked like a dream in making sure she naps at the right times. Just have to use the bounce! How are you planning on making an earlier bedtime and wake time, no matter how much I try get her down at 8 instead of 9, she either just naps and finally goes to sleep at 11 or doesn't sleep at all until her bedtime.

Saying all the above about bouncing, after finishing this message my daughter has fallen asleep on the boob! They continue to surprise us 😅

Ah that's good to know! I have seen a lot of children be similar as it's such a different environment to home and mum or dad is not around. What age did they start?

Hi,
I put my baby in childcare at 9 months. She slept better there than at home, they have their magical methods. I think they get more tierd.At home she never went to sleep alone for naps, motion did it. Although it was car and buggy not a yoga ball. At the childminder, she put her in the cot, toddler rolled on to her tummy cuddling teddy and didn't make a sound. Childminder left the room and she fell asleep. Assured me no crying. At home she'd screem if did that. So I decided if she knows how to self settle, I'll just keep doing what I do at home, and different at childminder.

Hi @Bramblecrumble21,

That's really useful to know thank you :) good to hear a positive story about children's sleep in childcare. I just want to make the transition easier for her as she will only be young.

@poppyflower1803 She went at 14 months so fully devoted to her habits and preferences by then! Like other posters I was a very “why make work for myself?” parent so just did what it took to get her to sleep, which DD often changed herself: from feed to sleep to bouncing to patting back to feed to sleep to walking to etc etc. You may find she grows out of the bouncing herself, they’re so changeable in their first year!

White noise was brilliant for both of mine.
Both have perfect hearing now as 10+ year old kids!

white noise could still calm my child as a 2 year old whist in hospital!

Yeah I, understand about not really being able to defer. I now think I must have been completely nuts to have applied for a masters just before having a baby, but it's done now. And I am looking forward to it in some ways.

I don't bother with the pram anymore unless we've timed it right for a nap. Last couple of times she screamed for 20 minutes before eventually giving up ans falling asleep, but she was so disteaught I'm not keen to try again at the moment.

My daughter also hated the sling. I had a moby wrap and it was just too constriction for her and she couldn't see out. (I've also since been told Moby wraps are a bit rubbish, despite how big they are as a brand.) I got in contact with our local sling library and tried a few different side/hip carriers. I couldn't get the hang of ring slings, but eventually settled on a minimonkey, which is similar except uses a buckle. I find it so useful as she's often happy enough looking around as I do my housework and I can feed her in it easily. I had a gap between returning one to sling library and my own arriving and it made bedtime about 100 times more complicated. That said, it does get very heavy as it's a one-shoulder carry. And I do now also use an Ergobaby as well, which she doesn't love but will accept when she's tired. I don't know if trying other slings is even of interest, but if it is have a look in case there's a rental service near you. Or ask friends if you can borrow theirs if you know anyone.

Your bedtime situation sounds very familiar. If I start too early I end up finishing even later somehow. And I either have to do without dinner or give up and take a very tired baby downstairs so I can eat before I try again. If she naps in the evening and wakes up, could you try feeding her back to sleep immediately? Or is she too awake? All I'm going to do for mine is keep trying a 7.30am wakeup and then also experiment with starting bedtime at different times. I've noticed that she often goes down around 2.5 hours after whenever the last nap finishes (wake windows be damned), so I'm trying to get that evening nap down at a better time. It all failed tonight though as I only got her down at 9.41! But then today was a bit of a nap disaster day and I also started bedtime later than I ideally wanted to as I was still eating, so we'll just write that one off.

@poppyflower1803 don't worry about nursery, as a nursery nurse of far too many years I can promise you she won't need bouncing on a ball there. Nursery is soooo stimulating the children just crash in the early days and then when more adjusted know the score with sleep time.

If bouncing on the ball works, if the routine you have works don't go pulling hair to change it. My youngest was a ball bouncer, I remember moving house and going on holiday in the early months, and putting that ball up came before anything else! It was a saviour. He stopped needing it around 8 months and preferred to have breast or just prattle his way to sleep.