Advice needed from those with babies/toddlers that are good sleepers please!?

[Lynstar05]

Hello...I am in desperate need of some advice from those of you who managed to have your babies & toddlers sleeping well from early on and from those who maybe never had major sleep issues.

I have a 17 month old who suffered with reflux as a newborn, who still wakes hourly or more and ALWAYS has done really. We have tried everything and not interested in sleep training. But this isnt about him.

I am pregnant again and feeling very stressed that we might get another bad sleeper and we would not cope in that case. Its causing a lot of anxiety because its been so so tough the last year with our boy, it nearly stopped us from wanting anymore.

So please if you have had multiple children especially or found ways to have your little ones sleeping in all sorts of environments easily, and sleeping well through the night most of the time from babies please share advice with a desparate mum.

Thanks!

Hey!

so both mine are brilliant sleepers and from day 1 I have always let them sleep with noise around so I’d still hoover or watch tv or play music etc if they were asleep. I wouldn’t tiptoe around them and also I don’t cuddle them to sleep (entirely depends on your sleeping arrangements) but we have lots of cuddles in our downtime before bed and then I say goodnight and place (now toddler) in her cot. She has a comforter too. My other child is older but I followed the same pattern.

I mean it depends what works with your lifestyle and routine but it’s just what worked for me :)

Routine for bed tome was always consistent- shutting the curtains to get used to night time etc.
my son had reflux but from 9 months he was sleeping 7-7 it’s more 7-6 now. I’m just consistent with bed time

nap times were a whole different matter though!

My first was and still is a shit sleeper. She’s 6 years old now and I didn’t sleep much for 4 of those 6 years. She still doesn’t sleep really, but she’s old enough now to understand not to wake me unless there’s an emergency.

Buuuut - I also have a 1 year old who sleeps just beautifully and has done ever since she was a newborn. She loves to nap and to sleep. It’s such a joy!

We had the same routine with both as babies. It’s the luck of the draw imo. I hope you get one who enjoys sleep (the reason there’s such a huge age gap between my two is because sleep deprivation nearly killed me, so I get where you’re coming from).

Sleepers are born not made. You can ruin them but not make them.

It's like DD with food. She will eat anything. I wouldn't give advice to a picky eater's mum because I have no skills at all.

Totally luck of the draw. People that thing they've done something clever just had a good sleeper. I've plenty of friends who found that out the hard way with the second kid! I had two bad sleepers but the good news is by the second one you are wise to it and it's much easier to cope with. You also realise you mustn't be a martyr and you do stuff that maximises your sleep even if they are a bad sleeper (eg cosleeping safely, partner feeding bottles rather than EBF)

Sorry also getting reflux meds sooner, using all the tricks you learnt from first one, etc.

Routines help but it really depends on the baby. Some are just bad sleepers no matter what you do.

Gina Ford - DD did naturally from day 1. DS took about 6 weeks to get into the routine.

Neither cried at bed time & weren't left upset at any time. It's just doing same thing at same time & they just get used to it.

It's not popular on here though.

Thank you! So from the beginning you would just sort of let them fall asleep on their own in their cots etc so you didnt rock them to sleep or anything? Did you follow any awake windows or anything?

Gina Ford

Lynstar

No I never rocked mine to sleep. They were put down in room with blackout blinds.

If they did ever wake up the room was kept dark & no eye contact.

Same thing same time every day. But my opinion is that babies, children and probably grown ups like a routine. All nurseries, schools, probably work places have a routine.

I had two children who slept through from early on. I'm really sorry but I have no wisdom to offer because they did it entirely on their own with no intervention from me. Absolutely no routine. None of this bed, bath and bottle. Eldest child was rocked to sleep. We did everything the experts tell you NOT to do to help babies sleep through. Which tells me that all of this stuff is bullshit anyway.

According to my parents, I slept through from a week old. So perhaps it is genetic.

The best advice I can give is prepare for another baby exactly like the one you have now. So if its easier, it's a bonus. But you also have a plan of action. Presume they will have reflux (my eldest had bad reflux). At the first sniff of it get to the GP, push for the best medication straight away etc. The second my youngest showed signs of reflux at 4 weeks I was in the GP surgery demanding the same medication my eldest was on. Plan for what you will do if they both get up in the night. Plan for one waking the other. Hope for the best but plan for the worst case scenario.

Which tells me that all of this stuff is bullshit anyway.

Jeez, What an unhelpful comment.

Great that your two are such good sleepers.
And yep could be genetic.

But that "all of this stuff is bullshit"?? ?!Because your two slept doesn't make you an expert on everything you didn't do.

There is lots of basic stuff that has helped many many mothers.

We also put ours down awake - always the same bedtime routine every night (bath, bottle etc), same sleep cues (we had a snooze cloud and a night light that we always used to help indicate to them it was sleep time), little cuddle and then put down sleepy but awake.

Never let them 'cry it out', if they cried I'd go in, give a cuddle and put them back down, and repeat. Eventually they learnt to get themselves to sleep (started all of the above from about 3 months old). This teaches them to go back to sleep themselves when they wake up during the night.

We were fortunate to have two good sleepers. We did pretty much the same thing with both, had a rough routine and put them down for “bedtime” from a few weeks old, didn’t do much cuddling to sleep or any co-sleeping.

BUT that was with two formula fed babies who didn’t have reflux or colic.

I have absolutely no idea if this helped or we’ve just been lucky. You can certainly try tips from people who’ve had sleepers and see if it works but babies do as babies want to, so who knows if it was nature or nurture for sleep!

I’d give a few tips a bash but don’t even think about beating yourself up or questioning what you’re doing if they don’t work. You do what you and the baby want and need.

Sleep training doesn't mean leaving them to cry. It can mean training them to go to sleep without being held/ stroked/ patted, that you will come back for a quick cuddle even if you've left the room, that if they wake up in the middle of the night it's not time to get up and get in bed with you.

Yes, the child plays a massive part. But to pretend that a parent can't influence it in some occasions by introducing a routine and sleep cues is misleading. Choose a routine that suits you, however loose, and try to work towards it.