Toddler will not fall asleep without me!

[2kidmum]

So my issue basically is my 19 month old will not fall asleep at bedtime without me lied on his bedroom floor... It is breaking my back!!

Sometimes it can take 10 mins for him to fall asleep but other times it can be an hour before i manage to sneak out😫

Any tips on how i can get him to settle on his own??

I should add he is a very good sleeper, 3 hour nap in the day and at least 12 hours straight at night.

Im afraid to say I think the 3 hour nap should be reduced to an hour and half or 2 hours max.

When he naps does he fall asleep on his own? If so then just reducing the nap should do it. If he doesn't then would you consider sleep training? Where you leave them to whine or cry for a minute, then go back to console them, the. Leave them for 2 minutes, then go back to console them, then leave them for 4 minutes after that they fall asleep. It takes a few nights to work but it does the trick of you can put up with hearing them cry.

Reduce the length of the nap and put something comfy on the floor to protect your back would be my suggestion. Make more of your nights on the floor ten minutes as opposed to an hour by upping his sleep pressure. If you have a DC who sleeps 12h at night I wouldn’t be changing anything too drastically at all, beyond nap tweaking.

@Soggycrisps @AliceW89 theres times where he does only nap for an hour. I should have put 1-3 hours. Mainly he will do a 3 hour but if he's not at home because im working he will only do an hour or so

Ill will definitely try reducing the nap at home, im unsure if it will work as i dont think the amount of sleep is the issue.

For example just now he has gone to sleep, ive clicked the fan off which disturbed him a little and he immediately screamed because he couldn't see me, i gave him a kiss and walked out the room because i thought he would settle back down having just been asleep but instead made himself sick through crying 🙈

Sorry, but late nights, taking ages to settle and only being lightly asleep hours after bedtime sound like he’s just not tired enough. Average sleep at this age is 11-14h total in 24h. Say your DC is average and needs 12.5 - you are only leaving yourself 9.5h overnight with a 3h nap. I’ve always erred on shorted naps (at 19 months 2h was the absolute max, usually more like 1.5) in favour of a quick bedtime and more night sleep.

@AliceW89 There are no late nights, he usually goes to bed latest between 8pm when he is rubbing his eyes tired and standing at the bottom of the stairs saying na'night. His naps are not late either he does 11am - 1/2pm (if at home) If he wasn't tired i wouldn't make him go to bed.

Tonight his dad is working away so his routine is a bit out of sync as i had to pick him up instead at 8pm after work but thats off topic.

If i start from the beginning, we found out i was pregnant around 6 weeks ago (miscarried) and decided to try and get him in a routine of settling on his own, and its since then he has been like this at bedtime. Before he could actually be slightly disturbed and would go straight back to sleep (he probably never thought id leave the room) hence why i don't think it is the length of sleep thats the issue but the fact that he is so used to me being there. Now cause we have tried to make it known he needs to settle on his own i think hes more aware and sensitive to his surroundings making him a light sleeper until hes not disturbed and can drift into a deep sleep. He used to go to bed 8pm and be asleep for 8.10pm.

I hope that makes more sense. Im not disregarding the nap time length i will try this.

Assuming you are in the UK, 21:14 (when you posted he had just gone to sleep) is a light night, especially if you put him to bed at 8pm, ie it took him 1.25h to fall asleep.

Sorry posted to soon. You have such a good sleeper on your hands though (if he’s generally sleeping 12h overnight alongside his 3h nap) I would personally not alter anything. But I’m a soft touch and I kinda think, if he needs me to help him settle then so be it. I’m sorry about your miscarriage

@AliceW89 Yeah tonight is a late night youre right thats why i mentioned his dad is away who would normally pick him up at 4pm if im at work so his routine is a bit out of wack today🤦🏽‍♀️

Thats me now im really soft and cant leave him to cry but if we are going to try for another baby then i really want him settling by himself. His brother was just like him (although he would wake up 3/4 times a night so lucky my youngest does actually sleep) and i only got him out of it when i was pregnant which was just before he turned 4, but that was easy as he understood a bit more than my toddler does now 🤣 i could also fit in his single bed which made it easier on my back, my youngest is still in a cot.

Thank you

I think you can only judge weather the shorter naps make a difference once he's consistently had a shorter nap at the same time for a week or 2.

You said he cried until he was sick. At what point did he get sick were you following the controlled crying method or just leave him for a long stretch? I didn't follow the control crying method to the t, I just did a gentle version of it and it really worked with my son who I used to feed to sleep! He worked after 3 nights.

@Soggycrisps probably 15 seconds max as he would start as soon as i got up, id not even left the room before he started screaming. It was warm though last night so the heat probably didn't help.

As soon as i open his door go back into his room he will stop crying and lie down 🙈

It's totally normal for them to cry straight away once you leave. Did he throw up after 15 seconds?

@Soggycrisps yep, literally about 15 seconds after i left he was sick, i ran back straight in. it wasn't a hell of lot but after that i stayed until he was in a deep sleep. It was really warm though as it was 28/29 degrees in his room so that will have possibly contributed.

Crying i know is normal and crying i can handle for a minute of so but this is like a full on scream like he's hurt himself its horrible.

Yeah that sounds like it would have contributed to it. Controled crying can only be tried when they're not sick and it you know for sure that they are comfortable, not hungry etc. Also you have to be in the right frame of mind to do it otherwise it's too easy to cave. Try to pick a stress free weekend to do it.