HELP!! 13 Month old awful sleep after starting nursery

[Whywontitname]

We were finally getting into a good place with my babys sleep till he started nursery the week before he turned 1.

Since starting nursery he seems to have developed severe separation anxiety especially at night so he no longer goes in his cot. It seems like no matter how tired he is he will wake up the moment he is put down in his bed and he panics that we are going to leave him and screams hysterically. Even when I pop him in the cot in the day to go for a wee he screams hysterically when previously he was happy to play in it for a few mins.

I really don't know what to do, I had thought with him being at nursery a month now it would have improved and he would be back in his cot, while he is no longer stuck to me like a koala after nursery anymore the problem is persisting.

As I'm back at work we've had to resort to one of us sleeping next to him on a double bed in his room, there's a few times where he will sleep in his cot for a bit at the start of the night but only for between 30 min-3 hours and that's if we even get him in there in the first place. Please don't say to keep co sleeping as it's not sustainable for us.

I don't want to do full cry it out as I think it seems awful if he's already getting stressed that we might be leaving him, but I really need some help and advice please, has anyone else been through this?

Yep my lo was clingy as anything when I went back to work. It took my lo 3 months to settle down at nursery. Now she will go in without a backwards glance 😆 🤣 the only thing is we get now is she gets a bit overtired as she doesn't sleep as well there.

No real advice just sympathy. I reassured as much as possible spent as much time as I could with her.

I quite often do the I'm going for a wee wee be right back, and she will either follow me or not. I try not to restrict her or leave too much during the day where she cant follow. If she wants to come with she does. Even if I have to nip upstairs she will either come or stand at bottom by stair gate waiting and will shout every so often expecting a reply, which of course I do.

It eased, and now I can leave the room without saying anything and she will follow if she wants, as I don't restrict. Whereas her dad won't tell her where he is going and she goes crazy.

Night time, I'm in the camp of bedtime routine, then its sleepy time. Ours is sleep suit milk and teeth downstairs. Ask who is taking her to bed, then sing, quick cuddle and in cot with dummies.

If she cries I leave a minute or so go back, resettle in cot then leave. Simply put CC. Which people will think is mean. But I see it as baby sleeps well = happy baby and me being there was making it worse and she hates being held to sleep.

Not sure if it helps...... 🤔

Thank you for replying! It's so hard isn't it, I do keep telling him where I'm going and that I won't be long etc and it has eased a lot in the day it's just bedtime where he still is refusing to cooperate!

The problem as well is even though I'm sleeping with him he is still waking hourly so I'm still knackered.

Did you do the CC to get her in the cot? The issue is he won't even get in the cot asleep without waking up and screaming like he is being murdered, whereas he used to have a rock and go down fairly easily even if he woke up a few times in the night we got a bit of an evening and could at least have tea, with the bedtime routine only taking 30 mins. Which is now anything up to 2 hours...

I think I might have to try some form of sleep training, my partner did try the leave crying then go back in after a few min but gave up after an hour, how long does it usually take?

I'm sure you're right about separation anxiety playing a part here, but I also think that at around this age it's really common for the whole "rocking/feeding to sleep and putting in the cot" shebang to stop working.

You need to work on him going down in the cot and falling asleep there.

You can do this "gently" by staying with him, comforting/patting/shhhing etc etc, but you might find that this all makes it much harder as he'll be angry that you're there but not giving him what he wants.

OR you can do it in a more detached way, put him in the cot and pop out for a minute, come back, soothe, leave, wait, come back etc etc etc. Some kids find this super distressing and some kids find it much easier that having a parent there.

Whichever way you choose, I would make sure that you're really cramming in the quality time during your time together. Eat meals together, read together, play together, lots of dedicated attention, no sitting him in front of the TV while you do chores, leave the chores and watch TV with him. "Fill his cup" so to speak before bedtime.

The first night we did CC it took two hours. The second night she slept 7-7.

Honestly, if you give up after an hour you've just put your kid through an hour of distress for nothing.

It is very hard. Spend as much time as you can during the day with them.

We did at 6 months. I was on my knees. Lo was waking every 1 to 2 hours. I did the whole shushing, patting in cot and didn't work it stressed her more. So as previous person explained we just went for detached one.

It took 5 nights. But by 3rd night, it was more of a whinge cry. Just a heads up. Stick to routine, and don't slip back into bad habits of rocking and shushing back to sleep.

When you go in to soothe do you keep them in the cot and just be like you're ok blah blah then leave again?

I agree it was stupid of him to do, he basically was getting annoyed at bedtime and tried it with no real plan of what he was doing. I'm just a bit nervous about doing it wrong or damaging him etc as everyone has an opinion on it, like I said I don't want to leave him totally alone but I don't mind as much if he knows we've not just totally left him.

We've got to go away for 3 nights without him soon as well do you think it would be better to wait till after then to start as his routine will already be disrupted by his grandparents putting him to bed instead of one of us?

We always left in the cot unless she was sincerely really really distressed. Otherwise I'd just stroke her hair, say "it's sleepytime baby, night night, I love you, see you in the morning". That exact phrase and nothing else, and then I'd go. I wouldn't start the "timer" until the whingeing turns into an actual cry.

We don't do anything other then go in at intervals 1, 3, 5 etc. As my lo is a belly sleeper it's hand on bum and between shoulder blades. She doesn't want patting or talking too. But that's my kid, every kid is different. Your not leaving him. Your teaching him to be able to sleep independently without you. Which is OK to do. As long as the setting is right, not cold or hot, unwell, darkness and pink noise of you use it. Then you doing it right. A sleep deprived baby and you does not end up in a good situation. When you go in to reassure and resettle I never stayed longer then one minute then holding.

That's very controversial on here. It never damaged me, nor my kid. The theory is a kid learns not to cry as you won't go to them. We had couple bouts of illness lately and she has called me when she needed me every single time, I know this as I watch her on the monitor and I barely sleep when she's ill like most parents probably.

How soon is soon? And how does lo sleep for grandparents?? I am very strict when my friend and auntie looks after my kid. I say pop her down in your own way. But leave within 30 seconds so we're all following the same thing.