Help! Desperate to help my 7 w/o sleep

[Bella0831]

I’m sure this has been posted on here countless times but a sleep deprived, anxious FTM desperate to help my seven week old baby sleep.

everyone told me I’d be tired but I could have never prepared for the sleeping patterns (or lack of) of my son. I love him to pieces but every day is a constantly battle for sleep and I’m terrified that I’m running on empty and unable to take care of him properly.

I’ve come to terms with the fact I won’t be able to sleep when the baby sleeps (as so many people recommended!) during the day as the only way he’ll catch any sleep is in the pram or in the car; so we spend the days out and about just for him to get the odd 20 mins here or there. As soon as he starts to feel sleepy his eyes droop or head drops then he bolts upright and starts thrashing his head around to keep himself awake, almost as if he’s scared of letting himself go to sleep, so daytime naps are a long, arduous ordeal but something that - currently - I am coping with.

but where I’m desperate for some help is night time. He wakes up almost every hour every single night and I’m doing everything I can think of - feed him, change his nappy, check temperature, burp him, wind him etc - only for him to fall into a light doze then bolt upright as soon as I put him in his crib.

He’s been prescribed some medication for reflux (something long and complicated sounding beginning with o if that rings any bells with fellow users!) although the GP prescribed over the phone and didn’t even see him, so I’m concerned if that’s even the right meds for him to help. He screws his legs up, kicks them around, rolls onto his side and creases his face up so seems to be uncomfortable, so I try bicycle legs to get things moving in case that’s the problem but it doesn’t seem to help. He looks and sounds so uncomfortable, yet no matter what I do to help him settle at night, he seems to point blank refuse, other than a feed - and as a breast fed baby I feel completely drained and exhausted.

we have co slept a few times - but As a cousin of mine unfortunately suffered two babies passing away from SIDS it is a constant fear of mine and I just cannot sleep well at all.

for my own sanity I need him to go a longer period in the night or I fear I will completely lose my mind.

my boyfriend sleeps through most of the entire night; particularly as I’m breastfeeding. His words when I woke him up during one night feed were that because I’m currently not working, it doesn’t matter if I don’t get much sleep.

does anyone have any advice? im constantly told the nights do get better - when??

Im thinking of switching to bottle / formula feeding as on the few occasions we have supplemented a bottle he seems to settle easily and for a longer period, but I feel quite emotionally attached to breast feeding that I feel really guilty about the thought of doing so. Alternatively I’d love to pump more but in all honesty our baby seems constantly hungry and never satisfied - it feels like he’s attached to me 24/7 and I never have the time to pump more than one decent bottle.

currently surviving on an hour or two’s sleep lee night and I feel like I’m approaching a complete breakdown.

Your boyfriend needs to help! They are meant to help. Either he gets in gear now or honestly dump him as what is the point of him?

If he doesn’t help, who else do you have that can come and give you a couple of hours off to sleep?

Im thinking of switching to bottle / formula feeding

I’m thinking you need to switch to a different boyfriend!

Baby wakes, you feed him then pass him on his father. He can change, burp, rock and get him back to sleep. ‘Here’s your son, take care of your own child for an hour whilst I sleep’.

Does he really think non-working adults don’t need sleep? What was agreed before the baby was born?

It’s not called helping. It’s called parenting the child he created.

Have you swaddled lo…it sounds like he has a strong startle reflex

How about trying mixed feeding? You bf first and the top up with formula

Is you bf a night owl? If so, get him to stay up until midnight with the baby, you bf at 6pm and bf gives a bottle of formula at 10pm ish and then settles him and keeps him downstairs until midnight (then brings him quietly up to bed). You go to bed at 6.15 and get guaranteed sleep until midnight and maybe longer. You take care of any wakings from midnight onwards and bf can have a lie in until he needs to goto work.

If the baby is much more settled on formula try cutting out all onions garlic and cauliflower from your diet. It can often pass onto the breast milk and upset them

I could've written this at 7 week's, it sounds like your baby is just needing your comfort. Mines was exactly the same.
Have you tried putting him in a sling/baby carrier during the day? Pushchair/car naps are fine but you sound wrecked maybe he'd sleep In a sling and you could get a wee sit down after a while.

On the nights, every hour at that many weeks was my reality too, there's so much growth and development going on and the breast is his safe space so it really is normal that he's waking looking to nurse.

Your boyfriend is exhibiting very much red flag behavior, you just had his child he should be helping and supporting you with everything, you need to talk with him.

Can you get a friend/family to take the baby out in the pram/car and get you some sleep during the day? Also , try and make sure you are drinking plenty water and nourishing yourself with good food .

Best of luck Mama , it does get better xx

I'm guessing the reflux medication is omeprazole?

Reflux is a symptom not a diagnosis (although some GPs think differently)

Has anyone spoken to you about non- IgE allergies? He sounds similar to my eldest, (although she was worse as her awake time was mostly screaming, plus awful nappies) who it turned out had several allergies, which didn't end up being diagnosed until nearly 8 months.

You can begin working out this for yourself, but also ask GP for a referral to peads allergy department. Most common is cow's milk protein allergy (CMPA): cut all dairy from your diet for 6 weeks (try not to sub with lots of soya though, as the proteins are similar and the allergies often go hand in hand). If there's any improvement, then challenge by eating a pot of yogurt and seeing if symptoms return over the following few days.

If it's not CMPA, then other common ones are: soya, wheat, egg. You can cut each one and then challenge, but do each one at a time.

My second also had allergies, but her symptoms weren't as bad (better sleep, less screaming). By this point though I knew what to look for and after some back and forth it was confirmed (by doctor and dietitian) that she was allergic to: CMP, soya, wheat and egg.

If it is non-IgE allergies the positive is that once you know the triggers it's easy to avoid and 90% of children grow out of them by age 7

Good luck

I was about to say try going dairy free too. DS screamed for 6w until I changed my diet. Within 48hrs we began to see an improvement!

Keep him upright for 40mins or so after every feed too. This is a killer overnight. But stick with it. I found that I'd feed him, then fall asleep with him upright, wake up an hour later, place him in his cot and go to bed but he'd wake up 30 mins later!
It's really really tough.
You can also split the night so for the first part of it - until midnight say- boyfriend has him and walks him, carries him, massages him etc whilst you get some sleep in the early part of the night then he takes over from 6am at weekends to ensure you get some rest.