Can't get DS to settle at night - what am I doing wrong?

[Stefka]

My DS is 3 months and just won't go to sleep at night. It takes five hours each evening to get him to go to sleep. We had just been keeping him up with us until 11 but I think he was getting overtired so we started to put him down at around half six/sevenish depending on how long the last feed took (we are doing bath, boob, bed). The first two nights it went really well and he fell asleep no problem. Since then it has been back to five hours to get him to settle.

He falls asleep feeding (which he does for all his naps too) but after five\ten minutes wakes up again and cries. Sometimes he needs a burp but generally he is fine and smiles when you go to him. He gets grumpy because he is tired but can't send himself to sleep. I end up trying to get him off by feeding him five or six times throughout the evening. He always wakes up again though.

During the day he naps two to three times. Two shorter ones of about 30-45 mins and one longer one of about two hours. I just let him do what he wants.

Once he is asleep he sleeps well. Last night we tried to put him down at half sixish and I didn't get him down until half ten. By the time he fell asleep he had been awake for 6 hours! He then slept until 4, fed and went back to sleep until 8.

I miss having a bit of time with DH and don't like not eating my tea with him (we have to do it in shifts at the moment). Is this just baby behaviour we need to get through or are we doing something wrong? I am a first time mum so it is all new!

when they are young they tend to have this pattern of not being able settle until late eve/night. but if he is sleeping until 4 then 8 that's great! much better than my 9 month old! we tended to just keep her in the lounge with us in the eves, sometimes she slept in her moses basket and i'd take her up to bed with me when i went. other times she'd stay awake until i went to bed, but as her sleep got earlier and earlier - which it will, i put her to bed and came back downstairs. don't worry, it truly is like this in the beginning, you WILL get your eves back

!

You sound like you are doing a pretty good job already. One of the main things I found was conssitency - so whatever you decide to do keep to it. Also if you are bf they can cluster feed a lot in the evening.....is he feeding a lot at this time?

He is BF and does feed more at night so many he just wants to eat so that's why he won't sleep?

Do you think I should stick at it or just give up and have him down stairs at night?

I know its hard but I would stick with the feeding at night if this is what he is wanting to do. You could perhaps go to bed with him early evening and just let him feed - will be bit more relaxing for you and calm for him. And get your dh to bring you cops of tea and biccies....

At 3 months my DS was also the same as yours, going to bed around 11 at night. Around 4 months he started to bring his bedtime earlier and by 5 months he had brought it forward to around 7pm. At 6.5 months he generally goes to bed around this time, sometimes a bit later if he's had a late nap for some reason. Hopefully your LO will do something similar. However, the downside is that DS has brought mornings forward too so I miss the lie-ins. He also wakes more at night too, but that's a whole different story.

Have you tried swaddling him..white noise...a specific comforter..(even a dummy if he is a sucky baby).

It sounds like he is having trouble settling himself to sleep, he shouldn't 'need' to be fed 5 times in an evening hes just using it as a comforter. As long as he has a decent feed before bed you shouldn't need to re feed until around 11pm.

You could try a book called 'baby secrets' it has some great techniques for teaching baby to settle himself. One is a gentle rock while baby is in the crib, you put your hand over the hip and SShhhhh as you rock gently from the hip. Once baby is calm but NOT asleep you leave the room. If baby cries you go back and repeat....after doing this for about a week, your baby should be more confident about settling himself and one Ssshhh rock session 'should' be enough for him to settle himself. Its a great book anyway.

Jenna

I did wonder if it is just a comfort thing as he really can not send himself to sleep I always have to feed him. I was swaddling but the HV told me it was dangerous so I stopped. I might try a dummy - he had one before when I was having probs with BF but I stopped it when I got better so maybe we could try that again.

With the rock thing are you rocking their legs then or the whole body?

stefka could it be 12 week growth spurt? i'd have him downstairs and take him up when you go to bed. he is very young still, plenty of time to get a bedtime sorted out and no point in spending 5 hours getting him to sleep.

My fear is that when we were doing that it was still taking five hours - just five later hours so I was up until three am with him which was much worse!

yikes no i wouldn't fancy that either. hmm well i am useless as it still takes me about 2 hours to get ds to sleep and he is two and half yeras older than yours!

my sanity has been saved by the beloved vibrating bouncy chair, we have even got an enormous toddler one now although it is not often used.

Stefka,

The rocky thing.. stand at the side of the cot facing the opposite way your baby is lying and put put your hand on the hip furthest away from you almost cupping the hip, you then very gently rock the baby in your direction, if swaddled the baby will almost roll slightly on its opposite hip towards you very gently, if not swaddled its just a little nudge almost. whatever is most comfortable for you really. (imagine baby is lying in a boat and the waves are rocking the boat gently and you get the idea of the rythmn, its meant to be a similar movement to in the womb)

The issue with swaddling is that babies can become overheated very easily, there is nothing wrong with a light swaddle as long as the room is cool and you don't use heavy blankets :-)

Jenna

In the recent words of an OP's wise mother(can't remember whose): 'they [her norks] aren't helping him to sleep dear, they're keeping him awake'.

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