Weaning off rocking to sleep- please tell me it'll get easier

[MeltdownCentral1]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant and am trying to transition my DD from rocking to sleep to patting her in her cot before I'm too big to transfer her myself. Currently it's taking me 90 mins at naptime and bedtime as she just messes around in her cot and just struggles to wind down despite us having a solid routine.

Please tell me it will get easier???

Hiya OP, how old is your daughter? I have no advice as I think I am in the same boat. I am 22 weeks pregnant, DD is 2 and a bit. I've moved from BF to sleep to rocking to sleep and initially was quite pleased I'd stopped the BF. But now it feels like I've just replaced one parent intensive sleep method with another. Cannot work out how to move on to her falling asleep on her own, or even with me sat with her. Does your DD ever fall asleep on her own? I have a solid routine, clear it's bedtime, same story, music etc. It's like as soon as we try the "let's lie in bed" bit a switch goes off and she wants to do anything and everything but sleep - she fights the rocking as well and usually ends up in tears at some point. So solidarity and would love to hear some detailed descriptions of how people have weaned off rocking to sleep.

@Keha how did you manage to get your DD from BF to rocking to sleep? Because I'm trying that with my 20 month DD and failing horribly. :(

@Keha I have been able to stop feeding to sleep at night post-night weaning which I did at 15.5 months. If you can I'd ditch the rocking and try just getting lo really calm in any way you can? If you use a cot ditch it and switch to a floor bed so you can lie down next to lo. Sleep will follow, but expect it to take a while and try not to have expectations. As long as you're not trying to early they will sleep eventually.

Previously I had been feeding to almost asleep then unlatching just before he completely fell asleep. But I'd been doing that for around a year. For the last month we now have a feed, then stories, then lights out, songs and sometimes I gently talk through our day. Sometimes he falls asleep quickly, sometimes he tries to mess around and play. That's just 18 month olds I think though?

It was just seeming harder often for him to feed to sleep to be honest which is why I made the change. At least once or twice a week he wouldn't be able to feed to sleep and I would sing to him and rub his back instead.He was a little upset at the change at first but very quickly adapted. And now it's much easier for dad to do bedtime.

It stopped working for naps first at around ten months at which point he suddenly became able to be pushed round the block and brought over the threshold without waking so we do that. I'd have no chance at all of getting him to just lie down and sleep for naps.

@MeltdownCentral1 might something like the above work for you too? Perhaps you could rock till almost asleep and then both lie down together and cuddle and sing for the last bit? After a few nights you could probably just skip the rocking?

@SpotlessMind88

We did a few nights of saying the boobs would go to sleep soon and not stay awake while DD slept. Then on the first night of rocking she BF and then I unlatched her wide awake and said night night boobs. I then picked her up and basically said I would rock her like on a boat (we'd been on a boat recently), held her quite tight in a baby type hold. She thought this was novel. I then bounced her up and down and made wooshing noises like a woman possessed. After 2 or 3 minutes the novelty wore off and she cried for "milk". I did lots of commiserating and reassuring "the milk is asleep, I know you're sad, mummy is with you, I'll help you sleep" etc. Probably 10 minutes of her crying and periodically trying to get to boobs while I bounced and wooshed. She started to look glazed over, I bounced, she cried for 30 secs every few minutes, but less and less. 10 minutes later, asleep in my arms and me exhausted! Repeat the next few nights, but her crying less and less for milk and needing less vigorous bouncing so I can now stand and gently rock. I had to change from the boat, we've done cars, sang songs, been birds etc. Anything that sort of grabs her attention and keeps her cuddling in my arms. I was initially pretty proud of myself.

However as you can see from my post I can't really get any further on. And she now doesn't come to be rocked willingly and does everything she can to delay, wriggle away and just generally not settle down, so doesn't feel like a great win.

@LGBirmingham I'd love a detailed description of what this bedtime looks like for you. How long does sleep take? Does LO get excited and giddy, want to get up etc? Do you respond or try and be boring? DD is in a low bed, not a cot as she could climb out. So I can sort of lie with her. After stories she is often looking quite sleepy and initially I'll encourage her to lie down with her "baby" (a doll) and I'll snuggle in best I can, although she generally wriggles away if I touch her. Often she will lie still for .... 30 seconds, then it's "let's have a chat", or rearranging baby, or wanting to move the duvet around, or needing porridge, where's daddy, what's that noise etc with her becoming more and more awake. I don't know how to calm her down from there.

DD is 20 months. Sooo we made some progress tonight- bedtime took 40 mins compared to the last few nights which has been 90 mins on average. I think she's just getting used to settling without rocking so I kept on having to repeat and remind her that it's sleepy time roughly 8402 times :D Really hope the time gets shorter! I miss my evenings!

@Keha aww it may not feel like a great win but it is! I'm failing miserably with the BF to sleep so thank you for your detailed description. I'm going to try it tonight 😊

Not rocking to sleep but feeding - we did CC and it took one night.

@Keha Well when I first started changing things around we did bath, into pjs and sleeping bag, white noise on, feed with lights on, stories, then lights off songs and cuddles to sleep. He did cry and thrash about a bit the first couple of times but more because he was annoyed. But he only took about 10-15mins to fall asleep, the whole routine takes about 1 hour. This got easier and easier for a while and I progressed to a hand on him and songs to fall asleep, then to sitting by his bed and songs. HE even started rolling straight off my lap after the last story and pretty much falling asleep instantly on his own.

Then he turned 18 months last week and immediately he started resisting everything! Always trying to get up and get more stories. I have to pin him down for the last one. He knows when it's the last one and starts to be disobedient. We had one night in particular where he was just standing up once the lights were off, grabbing my hands and saying 'row, row, row' (your boat) 😂. That time it took him an hour to fall asleep. He was definitely tired as he'd be yawning his head off. That was a one off though thankfully.

I've had to go back to cuddling to sleep as I do have to sort of firmly pin him down a bit at the moment. Sometimes he seemed to be diving at me and trying to lye on me, so he seems to need more contact again right now. I don't mind as it doesn't make any difference to how well he sleeps for the rest of the night. But generally speaking the going to sleep bit is taking about 15 mins, and he doesn't cry. He does try and prat around once lights go off quite often but I just keep telling him it's time to go to sleep and lying him back down if need be.

I do wonder if this is the 18 month sleep regression? Although as long as he isn't waking all through the night like he did for the other two then I don't really mind some bed time shenanigans.

@LGBirmingham thanks, it's really helpful to read some detail, how long it takes etc. Often people just say "I cuddle them to sleep" and I think, but how..??!

@Keha I honestly think it requires a leap of faith and a large pinch of patience the first time round. I think it's hard to go from actively doing something to get them to sleep to being passively present instead.

Presumably with the age of yours you can at least hope they would understand if you explained to them during the day about the change? That might help?

@Keha @MeltdownCentral1 how are you getting on?

I have positive updates! I never imagined the day would come but my DD now prefers to lie down and be patted in her cot, to being rocked! Apart from when she's teething. It does take longer than rocking used to (sometimes ages) but it's gradually getting easier and quicker. I'm also finding it less draining than when she used to try and climb me or fling herself around when overtired or fighting a nap. This is much calmer and I'm so relieved that she's responding to it!

That's great news well done! Must be a relief to not have to rock any more?

My LO is back to being sung to sleep now without contact which is good. Although has also woken twice most nights this week. The Internet does chat some rubbish about the way they fall asleep causing wake ups in the night.

I feel like my update is the least positive. Still not feeding to sleep, but always rocking and it usually involves some crying. Do you find your DC play around when you are trying to get them to sleep? I just don't seem to be able to get my DD to lie still enough to pat her. She just gets increasingly giddy once sleep is mentioned!

@Keha That sounds very much like my DD! She messes around for ages sometimes...I find it's usually when she's under or over tired or teething. I also feel like she would never have been ready to sleep without rocking a couple of months ago. Don't worry! You will make progress eventually :) They're ready when they're ready.

@Keha ds often messes around during our routine, doesn't want to get into bed, then keeps trying to get out to get more stories. Mind you he's like that all day whenever I'm trying to get him to do anything. Is that not normal?