4 YO sleep since new sibling

[twilighthours]

Need some insight as to whether IABU, it's 2am so mindful I may be ...

DD is 4.5, not always been the best sleeper but never had an issue with her getting into bed with us on a night. In fact she'd never settle with us in bed with her so it never happened. DS is 5 weeks old, appreciate there's some upheaval with any new sibling that comes along but she's slept in the spare room on the sofa bed with DH for all of those 5 weeks and is now a firm habit

I think the crooks is or at least it stemmed from that she didn't understand why she should be on her own when we all sleep in the same room. Tried the softly softly approach, reward chart etc etc to which she probably will sleep in her own bed twice a week if she's rewarded but still multiple wake ups and putting her back to bed even when that happens

Agreement that DH will deal with her in the night and I'll deal with the newborn. DH subsequently has never dealt with newborn in the night and i wouldn't mind him picking up a nappy change so I get a block of more than an hour of sleep at a time. I think he's just now become complacent and it's the easier route to just let her get into bed with him. He's off this week so I want to address this.

AIBU to go in there in the morning and pack the sofa bed up and say no more? Frankly DH can lump it, if he can't deal with it I'll happily deal with both DCs and he can go elsewhere. I don't mind a few nights of more sleeplessness if it addresses it but I can't see any end to it

Think it needs a discussion beforehand rather than packing up sofabed but it needs to be addressed for sure, as it'll just carry on.

Can you put the baby bed in the spare room and pretend to 4.5 yo that baby is in there to encourage her back to her room, then take it back into your room??

I had a friend in this situation, they didn't address it early on and so now he's still in with the 5 year old every night and she's in with the youngest. I can understand doing what you have to do to get by, especially in the early days, but their marriage has suffered so so much. They literally don't talk about anything except the kids and haven't even slept in the same bed for well over a year, let alone had sex.

We had DS1 trying it when DS2 was born but we just put him back to bed every single time and he got bored eventually and stopped it. Haven't had the same issues since DS3 arrived thankfully.

Doing something whilst your DH is off work is a good idea. But you do need him on board first. You both need to sit down and make a plan of action and stick to it. Strictly no giving in, otherwise it just will not work. Consistency is the key! You're not at a point of no return, you absolutely can still do something about it.

Thanks ladies 🥰 sent a msg to him last night in my frustration and sleep deprivation 🙈 had a bit of a row this morning but he appears to have packed the sofa bed away himself. Hostile atmosphere as I've come out with the baby and told him to do his own thing today with DD but hopefully we will chat later and get on the same page now my hormonal self has imploded!

@BabyWhatsYourName that was my worry! I know it's only 5 weeks sleeping apart but it's not healthy for any marriage and he just seems happy to roll over and accept the way it is for the foreseeable future which I am not