Separation anxiety at bedtime...

[Tiger16]

Hi all,

Does anyone have any ideas or tips to do with separation anxiety? My daughter has just started school and night times are horrendous with her not wanting me to leave the room.

I've tried the usual, star charts, shouting, not shouting, lying next to her, but I just don't know what's the best idea.

Bedtimes are very stressfull and as a single mom I'm running out of patience fast.

Is anyone else having these sort of probs because it feels like my child is the only one going through this

has she got a comfort blanket or teddy? maybe give her something that smells of you.

sorry i cant be much help as havent had any experience of this

She's definitely not the only one!

DS nearly 4 won't sleep unless I'm by his side. After months of battling and trying every method on the face of the planet, I've finally resorted to giving in.

When he's ripe (say 8 pm), we read a book then whisper his favorite story. I stroke his head/back and within 3 minutes he's asleep.
IMO what works is that we are both totally relaxed and enjoying this special moment. He is totally confident that I'm there and lets go without a fight. I'm totally into cuddling mode, slowing my breathing and not thinking about when the F* is he going to let me off the hook.

Works everytime.

Sorry no miracle solution. Takes a little practice. The only important thing is to be consistent. If he wants me by his side, no messing about. Sleep time is sleep time.

Agree with slim22

you asked what the best idea is - the best idea is to wait with her until she falls asleep. Don't think of it as stressful, she needs you - relax, and bedtimes will be peaceful again. Think of it as a time to re-connect with her after a long day of school and work. I still love sitting with my 10 year old DD just before she goes to sleep, we have a little chat, a little giggle about something that went on during the day, I give her a big hug and say goodnight. No biggie - just 5 or 10 minutes out of my day.
If your DD is really tired, it won't take more than 10 minutes for her to drift off to sleep - surely you can't begrudge her that short amount of time, when she so clearly would love to feel safe and secure as she falls asleep. It will probably be only for a few weeks while she get settled into school - it is such a huge lifestyle change for little children. No wonder they get anxious at bedtime.
I can't understand this idea that bedtime must be regimented - surely it makes what should be a peaceful end to the day, into a battleground.

Thanks so much for your replies. You're right, I think the best thing is to give in and enjoy it.

I'm guilty of reading too many parenting books which ultimately set you up for failure some times. Bed time has to be regimented, but not at the expense of your child's mental health.

I will definitely be spending more cuddling time from now on.

Sometimes, all you need is some reassurance that it's ok to do these things and that others are doing them successfully.

Thank you