13 week old won’t sleep - can’t cope anymore

[SarahDay1990]

I know I have posted about this before but my 13 wo won’t sleep…usually she has 4 naps a day she does one long nap (1.5 hours/2 hours) the other 3 are short - around 45 mins each. She feeds during the day every 3/3.5 hours or so. I try to get her to sleep within 1.5 hours/1hour45 max of being awake. She sleeps in my room which blackout blinds, white noise and love to dream swaddle. Trying to get her to nap in the carrier, pram, car etc makes no difference to her nap length. At night she goes to bed around 7.30/8 (this bedtime falls naturally as her last nap of the day ends around 6) I then dream feed at 11 (She will then normally sleep from 7.30/8-11) after the dreamfeed she may sleep a further 2 hours but then wakes every 45 mins so from 1am onwards I get no sleep. I have tried feeding her when she wakes but she hardly takes anything and surely can’t be hungry every 45 mins. I tried a dummy but it kept falling out so she would still wake after each sleep cycle anyway. What am I doing wrong? I had PND with my first child and I can feel myself slipping as the sleep deprivation is killing me. Please don’t post and say it’s normal as I can’t bear to think waking every 45mins is normal

Sounds so familiar. My first was like this for about 6 weeks during the regression.

With my second I was better on routine and I'm sure it helped. I used the huckleberry app (free version) to time naps and give me guidance. I really think it helped me make sure she had the right amount of sleep. It also helped me find the right bedtime (compared to when the last nap ended) and i think that helped get decent stretches.

A few things I learnt with having 3 bad sleepers.

• dream feeding made no difference


• 45 minutes is an average sleep cycle for a baby/child whereas ours is 90 min. We all micro wake between cycles. Baby needs to learn how to move into the next sleep cycle before fully waking. I would try gently disturbing her 10/15 min before you would expect her to wake on that first bad cycle. Hope that makes sense.


• drop last nap but keep the other naps. If my children slept well during the day they transitioned that to the night time. You can teach baby on day naps how to sleep easier and they can do this at night.

it isn’t forever. X

Things I swear by but not for everyone just suggestions.
The dockatot not recommended any longer for use in the bedside crib but my first loved it and slept through from 7 weeks so I continued the routine I had (although when moved to the cot wouldn't settle so I bought the big dockatot and she loved it too, though very pricey)
Second red night light it's the only light in the bedroom from my babies went to sleep. When they wake we don't turn on any lights we also don't talk or interact with baby no eye contact etc through the night. If they wake I offer them a bottle change them etc. Both babies have slept through from 7 weeks and touch wood never woke a night since though I'd say I'm just extremely lucky. Anything's worth a shot though!

Thanks everyone. My next question is how would timings work if I did drop the last nap without having a very early bed time? Naps are still a bit unpredictable but LO tends to have a short morning nap (40 mins) followed by a longer nap 1.5-2 hours and 2 further short naps. If she wakes at 6.30/7 I struggle to get her down to 3 naps without making bedtime really early?

I feel for you. I remember googling "how long until I die from sleep deprivation ?" with my second. It wasn't even a "will I die?" but a "how long" as I was convinced I would die as he just never fucking slept.
I'm going to be honest and say nothing I did helped him. Had the lamb toy with heartbeat, white noise, different colour lights, blackout blinds at night light in day etc etc . One day when he was nearly 3 he got up off couch about 7pm ish and said "I go bed now". And went to sleep. And he's been a sleeper since. I'm convinced now it was developmental for him, he just did it when he was ready.
I know this isn't helpful, you want solutions, but just don't think you're doing it wrong if those solutions don't work, some kids just don't sleep. Ask for as much help as you can get and sleep wherever/whenever you can.

I tried a routine and spent hours and hours trying to get my daughter to nap at certain times of the day with bath, book, bed which we still do every night now. It doesn't work for everyone. And your suggestion that people haven't bothered is nonsense. Your routine worked and that in itself is fortunate.

Oh @MistyFrequencies Yes, this. Honestly thought it would kill me or I'd get sectioned, but eventually it all worked itself out when he was ready.

I remember this phase. Jeeze. I'm surprised I survived. I understand your pain. My oh would take lo from 7pm until midnight. Even if I slept in another room and he was with her. Yes I was thay person that slept about 730pm then moved to our room at midnight. Only way I survived.

I generally would let a baby that age sleep when they need to sleep as it could make it so much worse, and lead to overtiredness. But that's me, as my lo is very sensitive to that. Hahahaha nothing wrong with gina ford if it works for you. I tried and it just didn't work for us.

I did contact naps to get lo good decent sleep. For me it lasted until 6 months as that's when I sleep trained. I couldn't survive any longer. I would often be asleep on the me to you side cot sitting up leaning on bars with my hand on lo, just to get sleep.

Shock horror when I asked hv about it she said to do control crying. Which obviously lo is too young. I do remember seeing a suggestion on here. That to get lo to sleep from fully awake in there sleeping space without rocking or feeding. By tapping dummy and holding chest sshhhhhhhh with them and being as close as you can to them. It worked for a bit for us.

If you feed to sleep or rock to sleep then this is why lo is likely waking at the end of sleep cycle. As this is what they expect at the end of sleep cycle and they get a shock there not in your arms or being fed to sleep.

I know you said you don't want to hear its normal. But for us it was and we waited jntil she was 6 months and sleepy trained.

Sorry it's not what you probably want to hear but this was us.

kirinm

And your suggestion that people haven't bothered is nonsense. Your routine worked and that in itself is fortunate.

Lots haven't tried though - for example OP here hasn't tried a routine. All the daytime timings suggest that her baby is actually In a similar routine to the one I used. Except they have a really late nap just before bedtime. If they cut this nap out then it's very likely they will sleep longer.

Sorry it didn't work for you - but it's not a ridiculous suggestion to make to someone who wants to solve a problem.

I needed something to base my day on as I was clueless about what to do with a baby. So for me using a guide for each age was a huge help.

I think we have the same baby OP! Literally had the exact same wakings at this age. I’d have killed for two hour stretches at that point but it was every 45 mins like you. It’s brutal and you have my sympathy. I was obsessed with the idea my baby was overtired thanks to spending probably too much time on these forums and sleep accounts on Insta... I wonder now whether she was actually under tired, but the truth is I’ll just never know! You can send yourself crazy trying to solve the problem like sleep is some algorithm that, if you crack the timings, will magically resolve itself. I don’t think it really works that way (Unless your schedule is wildly off). All I can say is it goes get better - we started getting longer stretches around 5 months. But it was very up and down again from 6 months and we ended up doing sleep training. Not for everyone I know but just know you have options. My sleep thief is 16 months now and slept through reliably unless ill since 11 months. Big hugs to you, you’re doing amazing x

This sounds awful 😖 I've been there myself and it nearly broke me.
Sounds like the 4mo regression but still doing a longer nap in the day.
How are they falling asleep?
Could there be tummy issues? Silent reflux? Could be uncomfortable to be waking so frequently.
I'd look to get a sleep consultant to help with routine and troubleshoot. They would have seen it all before.
Good luck xx

I co slept with both of mine, babies in a cot joined to the bed then the toddler between my partner and if she wanted to. I read all the safety stuff and followed it faithfully. I just can't function without sleep. The babies fed on and off in the night and we all slept. I've got women family members brought up in Asia who were very approving.