Newborn baby won't nap in cot

[Edisnori]

I have just tried to put my baby girl to nap in her cot for her first nap of the day after being awake for an hour and a half. She managed to sleep for about half an hour and then woke up and screamed blue murder. She is now on me in the baby wrap. I'm sure countless mums have posted this but the only way she sleeps in the day is on me! She is getting better at napping in the pram (yesterday she managed an hour and a half when my partner took her out). But sometimes we want to clean or just rest at home without her on us (mostly me!). Anyone got any advice? Same experience? Or just some words to preserve my sanity? My mum and granny are both saying I am digging my own grave my always caving in to letting her nap in the wrap on me.
We have also been caving in to letting her sleep from about 3am in the morning. She goes down fine in the cot initially but then after her night time feed she starts to groan and grunt and the only way to get her to stop and for us to have some shut eye is to have her cuddled up on our chests! I love the feeling of her in the sling and on my chest in bed but I am worried that she will become dependent on this!

Sounds very normal for a newborn.

How old is she?
Are you breastfeeding?

Mine fed every 2 hours day/night for the first 6 weeks or so, so it is possible if she has been awake for 1.5 hours, napped for .5hrs - she is just hungry again.

Of course she won’t OP, she’s a newborn. She will want contact and to nap on you. You can tag team with your partner. Google fourth trimester. It’s not forever.

Put the sheets from the cot into your bra for a few hours so it'll smell of uou. Also put a hot water bottle in the cot and take out just before putting her down so it's nice and warm for her so won't be such a shock from warm bottle to cold cot.

Normal. You can get loads done with a baby in a sling – putting a wash on and hanging one out, emptying the dishwasher, chopping stuff for dinner, having a wee (never ever wear a jumpsuit with a sling on top).

Though my preference was always to park myself on the sofa with Mumsnet and a slab of Dairy Milk then say to DP when he got home “There’s no dinner, she’s been asleep on me all day! Shall we get a takeaway?”

There’s no such thing as a rod for your own back. DD had every nap in the sling or on me til around 10 months, when I experimented with putting her in her sleeping bag. Within days she’d grab it when tired. She transferred to cot naps with no issue, learned to fall asleep on her own no problem, slept through the night and loves her big girl bed and reading herself to sleep. You won’t be sling napping an 18 year old.

As another poster said, this is how it is in the 4th trimester - she spent 9 months inside your belly and she longs and needs that closeness now and her stomach is tiny which means very regular feeds

it is how it is for the next 6 weeks or so. So you will need to adapt to that as best you can - a sling is perfect or just sitting on the sofa with her during the day and waking up regularly during the night

its a tough period but it will go by quickly and won’t last forever

I feel for you, OP! It doesn't make it easier to hear "it's normal", I know, but it's the truth I'm afraid!

Two things that saved my sanity in those early weeks;

Firstly, a fabric sling.

Secondly, take it in shifts with your partner. This was actually advice from a lactation consultant and I can't believe we didn't do it from day 1 tbh. So overnight, I would get 4 hours of sleep whilst DH was downstairs with the baby. Say 7pm until 11pm. Then we'd swap at 11pm and DH would go and get 6-8 hours sleep. Then I'd go back up and get another 4 when he was done. The reason I only got 4 hours at a time was to keep my breast milk supply up. If you're doing formula feeding, there's no reason why you couldn't do 8 hours for you first followed by 8 hours for your partner or vice versa.

Obviously this had to stop when DH went back to work, but we still did it at the weekends so I could catch up on sleep until baby was around 2 months old.

It will pass, and you're not making a rod for your back so ignore all that. Just enjoy the snuggles if you can! Congratulations on your lovely baby, by the way ❤️

They don't. Half an hour in the cot is pretty good! Sound like you might be able to get her to have regular naps settled on her own.

But napping only while being held and hating being put down is absolutely normal. And a shock if you're not expecting it!

@Seeline she is 10 weeks ! Just managed 1.5 hours in pram on a walk. She's been awake for about an hour now. Pondering how to get her to sleep for the next nap... Do I rock her into her cot for 20 mins, sling or bounce her in chair for an hour lol😜

@Skinnermarink I can't tag team apart from weekends because he's mostly at work now :(. I'm quite a sociable person too so spending hours rocking my baby to sleep in a dark room so she'll nap in cot isn't ideal.

@Skinnermarink Good to know it isn't forever! I do enjoy the newborn cuddles -don't get me wrong!

@Bells3032 I have stuffed her teddy and sheet down my top all morning and will try hot water bottle too thanks! I don't want to put her down in cot every nap but sometimes it would be nice!

No, it’s not but it’s the reality for most mums on maternity leave with a newborn, honestly. I mean tag team of a night/evening. I’d honestly just go with it, it seems like it’s forever in the thick of it but it’s not I promise. It’s just a bit of shock, I don’t think any amount of NCT classes prepare you for how intense a tiny newborn can be, not just in tens of basic care but how much they just need to be on you!

The sling nap stage is ideal for sociability! You can go to brunch, baby bounce, baby cinema, walks. I dropped an enormous amount of cake on my child’s head when she still slept out and about in a sling. It’s when they’ll only nap in the cot that’s the problem. Mine always hated the pram so at least you don’t have that issue.

If she doesn’t mind which warm body she sleeps on, I found friends were always more than happy to meet me on their lunch breaks and have a snuggle while I ate or drank something too hot to risk above the baby’s head.

@stuntbubbles This is very consoling thank you! I won't feel so anxious about getting stuff done with her in the sling anymore. The older generation are so old-fashioned about their ideas of the sling and it making a child clingy!

@Namechanger355 Thank you ! I'm sure I'll miss it when it's over!

Is it the input from your mum and nan that's making you worry? Try to let that wash over you, it's your baby and up to you and partner how you care for her.

You're doing fine! All your baby wants and needs right now is you X

@Belephant Thank you Belephant ! I'll try to slow down and sit with her while she sleeps more but I do find it hard not to get the OCD I have to clean itch!

@Floydthebarber This is so encouraging! I thought 12 hour was nothing!

@Skinnermarink Nothing prepared me for the intensity and I've been teaching classes of 30 for years! Taking care of 1 newborn is way way way harder!

@stuntbubbles My partner is always finding food on her head lol

@HellonHeels Yes my granny, mum and step mum say I need to put her in pram way more as she'll become dependent on the sling...🙄

Well if you find a way, this mum of a 4 month old would love to hear!😅 I think for some babies, a lot of babies, this carries on for a while. Sometimes i can get him down in the cot, like this morning. His second nap of the day though, I've been trying for half an hour to get him down in his cot. He wriggles for a bit, realises he's not in my arms, then starts to cry. I rock him back to sleep, and the cycle restarts. Sometimes I give in and let contact nap, but is really like some lunch!

Trust your instincts with your baby.

There's no point worrying about her becoming "dependent" on being held by you - she's a tiny baby, all she knows and needs is mummy, she's been in full contact with you for 9 months. You can't be any more dependent than being a newborn.

You sound like a lovely mummy, giving your baby what she needs.

WHAT A CUTE BUTTON.

I had a ghastly great-aunt of the PG Wodehouse sort tell me at five weeks re. the sling, “What you teach her now she’ll do forever!” It seems to be a thing with some people: I was forever accosted by strange old women in the GP waiting room telling me similar, including “She’s not the boss, you need to train her like a dog”. WTF. But humans have used slings for centuries, and you don’t see many adults carried around in them.

I promise you all a sling or a contact nap does is build love and trust and contentment and a happy baby. (Note: not saying you can’t build those things without a sling; some babies hate them anyway.) Plus when they’re resting on your chest it’s technically tummy time.

Penelope Leach has a great book about parenting, pointing out that everything is new and wonderful to a baby so you don’t need to invest in masses of toys: she advocates for getting them involved in what you’re doing. Peeling potatoes? The baby hasn’t seen a potato before; introduce them. (I have a hilarious photo of small DD next to a bag of Maris Pipers.) So if you’ve got the urge to clean and tidy, do it when your daughter is awake: prop her in the bouncer and show and narrate what you’re doing.

This is all perfectly normal. Three babies here, all slept in me ir on a walk in the pram for at least six months. None napped in the cot until they were 11/13 months. It’s tiring. The only thing you can do is put your feet up or pop them in a sling. Don’t stress about nap times and nap windows. You’ll enjoy your baby fat more if you just go with it