Has anyone ever fixed the absolute hell of split nights?

[Bluestripeysocks]

Here I am anticipating LO waking from his afternoon nap and dreading the night ahead already. I don't even want to go to bed because I know my night will be a shower of sh... just like almost every night for the past 9 weeks.

LO is 7 months old and from about 5 months has been waking any time between 2am and 5am. Not particularly hungry but will take half a bottle or so. He just wants to play, be awake, chat etc. He is happy, no eye rubbing, no yawning, no crying, no whinging or moaning. Just... AWAKE. And if i leave him to it, he coos away for a while then shouts and cries till I come back. I pat him, cuddle him if he's very upset, shush him and reassure him. Then hes happy again for about 5 minutes before I have to come back. If i stay in the room with him, even not interacting, just sitting by the cot, he is fine. Stays awake for 2 hours, shouts for a cuddle, then off he goes back to sleep with no fuss.

No matter how long he has been awake at night, he wakes between 6 - 7am. He naps twice a day for 1.5hrs each. Typical nap schedule seems to be 9 - 10:30 then 1:30 - 3. At each nap time he is basically pleading with his eyes to be put to his cot. Goes from bouncing around happy to very ready for sleep in the space of a few minutes. He absolutely would not be able to go longer between naps and attempting to put him down earlier has been a bust too. Wake windows tend to be 2/3/4.

Bed time is a solid routine of starting with a bath at 6:30pm, lotion, pyjamas, sleeping bag, lullabies and sometimes he has a bottle. He doesn't need this bottle to get to sleep though and there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason as to when he wants bottle before bed and when he doesn't. I always offer though. He is put in the cot drowsy, not asleep and gets himself to sleep by 7pm. Wakes any time between 11pm and 1am for a nappy change and bottle which he always finishes. Then I go back to bed knowing that the next few hours better be good sleep for me because thats basically my lot for the night.

Since he was born he has slept with white noise and a dark room at night. He slept great until this split nights rubbish started. I'm at a loss at what to do. He has black out blinds, white noise, gro egg to monitor temperature - which is pretty stable all night at 19 - 20. (He wakes up WAY more frequently if it's any colder). Naps are easy to get him down and you could time your watch to them.

Please tell me someone has found out the reason for the absolute nightmare that is split nights. The internet tells me is he overtired, also undertired, also wake windows are too long but also they are too short. Is this just something all babies do and I just have to suck it up until he decides to stop? (OMG please no)

Don't think he needs quite so much day sleep at that age. I think the advice is 30min in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon (and possible 15min late afternoon if necessary).

Mine was an amazing night sleeper for 6 months, then turned into a baby who wouldn't sleep, ever. It lasted two full months, he got 8 teeth, and now at 10month he wakes up once or twice a night.

Maybe tour lo is overtired? My lo wakes middle of night for hours when she's overtired. Crazy I know. If your lo is pleading to go sleep I would say lo is overtired.

Some Los wake in middle of night because there hungry, cold, developmental, undertired and overtired. May be another one I can't remember. Apologises it's early 😆

At that age my lo was still having 3 naps.
9 till 10 I woke lo from this nap.
1230pm till when they woke between 2 and 230pm. I never woke them at this sleep.
430pm to 445pm sleep until 515pm or 530pm. 30 to 45mins max.
8pm bed.

Thanks so much for your replies.

I'm not sure I would be able to reduce day time sleep as he really seems to need it but thanks for the suggestion anyway.

Chittybang I will try and follow your schedule and see if he is any better. Can't really get much worse at this point!

its not what you want to hear, but they do just sort of grow out of it with time?

I think that's too much daytime sleep. Try to reduce that a bit - the 1.5 hours in the morning particularly (he's doing that because he's been awake in the night, and he's waking in the night because he's had too much daytime sleep, so a vicious circle really, and it will take a bit of experimentation to break the habits).

Fwiw my DD used to sometimes be awake for up to 2 hours in the night even though daytime naps were reasonable, but we co-slept so she just lay beside me moving a bit but not making much noise, and although I was also awake, I could just lie there with my eyes closed which was better than standing up and patting her for that long!

Good luck.

You could try a mattress on the floor in his room for you - I believe some just do this thing where they're actively happily awake in the night. Sometimes they don't want anyone others unfortunately do! You could at least doze? And then give as little interaction as possible.

I coslept with Ds 1 and he did this occasionally when he was working on a new skill, iirc when learning to coast and would happily be coasting around my head or trying to play with me. I had to pretend to be v v bored. He grew out of it though.

Not sure if it will work though; they're all v different. Ds2 never did this. But you might get more sleep.

I slept (dozed) on his floor ("bed" made from every spare blanket and duvet in the house, with could be rolled up to be out of the way during the day). It maximised my sleep, and minimised his screaming. It did stop, but nothing else we tried helped in any way.

It actually worth getting a low bed/ mattress etc in their rooms for one parent for when they're poorly anyway.

Another reason why I coslept, I just got more sleep even when they woke up loads for breast milk. Not for everyone but worked for me.

Any changes you make will take up to 3 weeks to make a difference.

Give it a go. 7 months is young for 2 naps. Not impossible but mine always was. Wasn't till almost 9 months she went to 2 naps and was comfortable to do 2 naps.

Also my Los awake times at 7 months was maximum 3.5 hours. Some do more, but mine couldn't 🤷🏼‍♀️ every lo is different.

Thanks everyone. I will get a mattress for myself to keep in his room and try that too. If he wants to be awake and is safe in the cot it makes sense for me to at least doze while he does what he needs to do!
Yesterday evening he was up on his hands and knees for the first time so perhaps he is working on something and fingers crossed he will sleep better when he figures out crawling.
😴

My dd used to do this. It was awful. In fact both my children were absolutely shit sleepers until they were 2 and 2.5. I promise they do grow out of it. Just rest when you can.

My 8 month old just went through a funny phase of waking up around 3am just for fun. I asked my friend - a sleep consultant - what to do...her advice was that if he is learning a new thing (sitting up, crawling, rolling etc) to let him tear about the floor for a while before bed. I put him on our rug for about 45mins and he gets it all out of his system!

They apparently wake up (during a regression) and start thinking about the new mobility thing they're learning - their brain is too active and excited about said new mobility thing - even if they're not physically doing it in the middle of the night!

Well her advice worked a treat!! and that was 4 weeks ago and he has been sleeping through 7-7. I do find him ever so slightly more alert putting him down - he's maybe a little "jazzed up" from all the rug rolling action but he settles over.

Very early to be just on 2 naps per day?

@MuMMA8 I will definitely try more floor time before bed. Thank you!

@Imhavingmycakeandeatingit yes I thought that too but after a few weeks of awful naps he transitioned to 2 naps by himself and has been so much happier during the day. Believe me, I would rather he had 3! Haha.

Everyone, I so so appreciate all of these replies and suggestions. If anything it's good to know there doesn't appear to be a magic solution that I am missing. Some saying he has too much sleep and some saying not enough. I guess trial and error with schedules, grabbing sleep whenever I can and more coffee is the answer.

My 6mo has 3-4 naps per day but if they totaled 3+ hrs that would be too much day sleep and it would keep them awake in the night. Can you shorten the naps, even if that means adding back in a third shorter nap?

@MumtherofCats yes I try and get him down for a third nap quite often, especially on the rare occassion when he has had shorter naps in the day but he usually just laughs at me. I'm going to try really shortening his other naps in the hope he will go back to having a third.

Oh I feel your pain, my DD did this. We never managed to stop it - it didn't matter how many naps or when or where, she just loved a 1am to 3am chat. She did grow out of it but it was absolute hell for the two years when she did it on and off.

Go to bed early and either co-sleep or get yourself a mattress on the floor of their room. You might as well at least be comfortable and doze off for a bit.

Firstly I don’t think there’s a right or wrong amount of naps for any age. Both mine were on one nap by 10 months, despite my absolute best efforts to get them down for their morning nap!

in terms of split nights, both of mine did this. The younger one still does! I’ve read quite a few articles suggesting this happens if they aren’t tired enough at night, so when they rouse in the middle of the night there isn’t the sleep pressure to get back to sleep. Could you put bedtime back till 7:30? I know he is desperate to sleep for his naps but could he last a bit longer at bedtime?

@Mattieandmummy 2 years?! Oh no.... 😭 I am on a mattress in his room just now... its been nearly 2 hours so hopefully he will be off to sleep again soon. Sounds like this mattress might turn out to be a good investment!

@Cantanka good idea. He is really struggling to go back to 3 naps a day so yes, I will try and push bed time to later. Thanks!

I’m not an expert at all- but sounds like your expecting 15 hours of sleep (3 at day and 12 at night), which might be too much for your baby. I’d also probably go back to 3 naps, and do a later bedtime (possible 8/8.30 to fit all the naps in). Also- whatever you try, give it a try for a few days. Good luck.
i also have a 7 month old and I know it’s a challenge!

If bed time is later hopefully you can ditch the 11pm bottle.

Our DS had a double mattress on the floor, you can buy a mattress and just some slats (for air regulation) from IKEA , he didn't have a cot... and then we just jumped in bed and co slept with him when he was ill or went through fussy phases

I'm a sleep consultant - and split nights can be tricky! Most of the time it's to do with an imbalance of sleep. A previous poster hit the nail on the head - your aiming for 15 hours sleep and they might not be capable of this. If I were you I'd count up the hours that they do in 24 and work out a routine backwards based on this. For example capping daytime sleep, nudging awake windows a little longer - or going back to 3 naps with a later bedtime. I know you say they need those naps but that's because they are missing the sleep overnight. Switching it around will help reverse the split nights!

@Bluestripeysocks haha maybe so! The first year was the worst and after that she'd just throw in a little split night phase for kicks and then go back to sleeping all night again. 🙄

If it's any consolation at 3.5 years she is a brilliant sleeper, never wakes up at night not even for a wee - unless she's unwell but that's perfectly understandable. She even asks to go to bed early if she's tired! My hunch is that those years proving to her we were always there if she needed us led to bedtime and being in not being associated with negative experiences or at least that's what I tell myself.

@Hodgepodge211 thank you! I wasn't really paying attention to actual sleep hours. I was just going on his sleep cues and letting him sleep whatever he wants. I guess like with a lot of things he might want something but doesn't know what's best for him hahaha. Thanks for your advice.

@Mattieandmummy that's a lovely way of thinking about it.... hopefully he will be reassured that his shouts are answered and yes, I'm there. Awww. 🥰 makes it a bit easier to cope with. Thanks