help - 4 weeks old won't sleep - is he ok?

[kelbel]

i keep reading that newborns sleep 18 hrs a day. I'm really worried that my ds doesnt come anywhere near this. Our first problem was and still is he won't be put down. he will only sleep day or night when held. tried the pram, bouncer, basket, cot - nothing works soon as you put him down he wakes up with a fright within 15 mins. we keep trying to put him down but now he just seems really distressed all the time. i'm bf and he seems to want to feed all the time, but is putting on a pound a week so must be getting enough - is this normal?

My first was like this..dd3 (also 4 weeks) does sleep but like yours likes to be held. Do you swaddle - that helps dd3 (we have a blanklet with velcro that holds her quite tyightly).

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suppose i'm also wondering how i'll ever be able to do anything. had a c section so got people helping out for a few weeks as dhback to work, but after that coz he will not be put down just the thought of having a shower terrifies me!

You just have to leave him to cry while you shower etc. Sleep when he sleeps and cope with a messy house.

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Swaddling really does help - the moro reflex is quite strong at this age and this is what wakens them up. He will feel secure and hopefully not waken himself up. I too agree about the shower/bath thing in the morning. If you can do it then it makes you feel so much more ready to cope in the day....

18hours will be the average, so some babies will sleep more, your LO is obviously one of the ones who sleep less. Would def look into getting a sling, i held DS a lot and as a result got nothing done! Next time around I'll def be getting a sling, so I can get on with jobs - the gentle rocking will prob help him sleep and there are some that look really snug and cosy so this will prob held your DS if he's startling himself a lot. (And i think you can get some you can feed with too). Swaddling really helped us at bedtime too.
Re the constant feeding, yes normal at this stage - and he'll be helping build up your supply , it does pass and settle down, but they feed loads for frequent growth spurts at this stage too, so you'll notice some days will be EVEN MORE than usual! I realised after a while that DS wasn't actually feeding the whole time, but sucking for comfort, but they do settle into their own routine in the end even with the feeding.

sorry just realised you might not be able to use sling for a few weeks until c-section healed, but maybe worth looking into after that?

my ds was the same - he only slept for 4 hours in 24 for the first month or so, and only when held. but now he sleeps for 12 hours a night, has 5 breastfeeds a day (hes 4 months)
some babies are just more unsettled than others at the beginning, especially if it was a difficult labour.
he'll get there - put everything on hold till then....
good luck, i know how it feels - as if you are going bonkers from sleep deprivation...

Our DS two weeks older than yours. You could be describing him. Has been howling all day today, barely slept at all. Finally resorted to putting him into the car and driving him around East London for the past couple of hours when he went out like a light. Back home and awake again now. Usually only sleeps when held as well. We have three months marked on the calendar. We're told it's supposed to get better around that age.

DH was just like this. Another thing you could try is putting a hot water bottle down where you want him to sleep, feed him, and when he is asleep remove the bottle and put him down. Its snug and warm and might work, though I can't guarantee it.

how is the feeding going? is she having a good feed and lasting for at least a couple of hours between feeds? do you think your latch is ok? this could be key.
am one finger typing at the mo - will come on later and write all the things we did in case it helps. i feel for you, but it does get better - for us it was 8 weeks. i think theres a conspiracy - noone tells you how hard those first few months are going to be!

i need some tips on how to get my second who is six weeks to sleep longer than two hours a time. he wants three to four oz bottles every two hours.im so tired.

i don't think newborns sleep 18 hrs a day. that is what old books said.

something worth googling for a more realistic time.

google 'sleep cues' while you are at it and let him sleep anyway you can get him to sleep at this time, it ain't something to worry about.

my ds hardly had any sleep as a baby, my first three days in hospital i was awake all night because he woudnt go in the cot, would only sleep on me and then i had to stay awake because the nurses wouldnt let you cosleep in those beds with no sides. once at around two months he managed to go 14 hours during the day without sleeping...but he was FINE and he grew out of it quite quickly.
second the advice about getting a sling,once home i just carried him around all day and he nodded off quite often in that - and i could manage it with csection (adjust it carefully so his feet are not poking you in the scar!). it also seemed to relax him so that after a few weeks he was much better about being put down.
six weeks i seem to remember being the turning point when everything got easier, good luck!

thanks everyone,
Sarahanna - feeding is going really well, he's just bf and has gone from 6lb9 to 9lb1 in 4 weeks. However he does constantly want to feed so i was wondering whther he is getting filled up?
Woodstock - v reassuring to hear! I had been reluctant to use sling incase it made him more clingy and less likely to be put down. don't get me wrong, I love cuddling him but never planned to co sleep and or never to be able to put him down! in the last few days he seems to be slowly getting better, ocasionally entertaining the moses baskt and bouncer, only for 20 mins but its a start!

Definitely try swaddling. If your DS likes it then it will definitely help.

It may be nothing but my DS had reflux (often silent) and our first indicator that there was a problem was that he could never sleep - from the day he was born. He would cry as soon as we laid him flat (or shortly after) because of the acid washing up. try winding him well, keep him as upright as you can when feeding and perhaps try putting his mattress on a bit of an angle so he is not flat.

hows it going kelbel?
was going to message some tips that worked for us but only got round to it now - not sure if this thread is still active (new to mums net)
let me know ifyou want me too
hope its getting better
x
(previous name was sarahanna)

fire away with the ti xps - all welcome

You should definitely try swaddling..I used the swaddling blanket from Grobag and also Miracle Blanket and they were both great. I really wrapped him up tight and he immediately went from not sleeping at all to sleeping..and in his own cot...not in my arms. It was a life saver and it will be the first thing I do when my next one is born.

I was just about to post a similar question so thought I would just add to this thread. I have the exact same problem with my one month old, she just wont sleep and it's really starting to get tough. Last night she finally went down at 5am and during the day she just wont be put down at all. I read about people putting their babies down for naps during the day, should this be done in their night time sleeping place or is it ok to have baby downstairs in her basket where I am (not that she goes down but I keep trying and wondering if she should be put down upstairs so she gets to know it's sleep time).

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hi again
basically i think some babies are settled quite quickly and some take a while - i think a lot of people are amnesic about this period too! i remember thinking - one day he's got to go to uni - its got to get better at some point!

do what you can to get through this period - sleeping when held etc so he feels safe and then one day soon he'll feel safe enough to fall asleep on his own.

i think its key to get the feeding right - see a HV/lactation consultant/baby cafe about your latch. if babe falls asleep in feed gently wake, wind, try for more, offer other breast. try and space the feeds a little - at least 2 hours apart if poss (but beware growth spurts) so that he is hungry at next feed rather than snacking all the time

make sure he/she is winded properly so doesn't wake up with wind and eliminate other causes of discomfort before putting down - nappy/scratchy label etc

also realising not every cry is hunger - its safe to assume this but once i realised that ds got tired after about 1 and half to 2 hours things got a lot easier. so if hes had a good feed, wind nappy change etc and then starts to cry after an hour or so it could be tiredness so you could try putting him down and see what happens. look for tiredness cues and you may notice a hungry cry is different to a tired one. one day ds just fell asleep on his playmet without any grumbling and the next day i had a 2min shower when he was crying and he was asleep whe i got out. think i was rushing in at the first wimper.

things we tried that helped:
swaddling (be careful not to overheat swaddle = 2 sheets or blankets, miracle blanket from motheracre is great)

pat/shh method was amazing and really worked- will try and find a link for this combined with gradual retreat. i could ever let ds cry for longer than a few mins but now he sort of grumbles when put down for 5 mins - not a real cry. if he cries i go back and pick up until he's calm. (tracey hoggs picl up put down method)

try occasionly to put down awake occasionly so that when he wakes up he's not surprised that you're not there - don't stress about every time though

white noise - radio between 2 stations
a tshirt that smells of you tucked in securely (so he can't pull it on to himself)
under mattress or sleep on his sheet/swaddle

? slumberbear heard this is good didn't try

to encourage longer sleeps at night:
bedtime routine
keep night feedings dark and dull and try not to fall asleep yourself in them so they are over more quickly
make sure has plenty of feeds in day so gets calories in day rather than night
i found my milk supply was low in the evening so expressed in the morning and dh gave an expressed bottle at night then i topped up with bf
also cluster feed in evening

after 6 weeks of sleeping about 4 hrs in 24 he now goes about 11-12 hours (albeit from 11pm-11am but thats the next problem to tackle!with 3/4 45 min naps and is a chubby happy baby. but god it was a nightmare to start

sorry if its long hope that something helps
as with all books/hints etc just take the bits that suit your there is no right/wrong answer!

oh and this is a nice article
babyparenting.about.com/cs/sleeping/a/newbornsleep.htm

sorry that was long sorry about typos

the post no 6 with cut and paste bits is good

members.essentialbaby.com.au/index.php?showtopic=485213

i've got stuff cut and pasted (eg shh/pat and other tips)from when i was searching the net at 1 month - anyone now how i can do as attachment - its just in word?

and betsyrabbit - don't think it matters where she sleeps - and its good to have a distinction between day and night sleeps although certain baby gurus disagree.

I also had similar problems with my newborn. Like I said in my earlier post, swaddling was the biggest factor that helped, but also putting him somewhere quiet and dark(ish) during the day for naps also helped. I had been leaving him downstairs to drift off when he wanted, but I soon realised that he was not getting the quiet rest he actually needed. Who wants to sleep in a busy, noisy living room when you can be in a nice, quiet, darkened place in a comfy bed? So I started taking him upstairs and letting him have naps in his room. The daytime and nightime sleep improved immediately. You may have a quiet house, but with two children, two dogs, two cats and a musician husband, my poor little one was just too over stimulated and even when sleeping wasn't getting a deep enough rest.

p.s. There wasn't any kind of daytime sleep routine however, this didn't begin to happen until around 3 months!