5yo still sleeps with me, baby n2 due in 2 weeks. Help!

SnowBall86 · 2022-05-21T21:54:56+00:00

Hi everyone! I’m not sure if I want an advise or reassurance… my 5yo DS still sleeps with me. I was never the one for cry it out or tough love. So I saw that he needed me and I allowed him to sleep on his terms. He was always a very nervous little one, wouldn’t let me go too far from him, he gets into full on panic attack if he doesn’t see me or his dad straight away in the crowd. He’s an over thinker, has some obsessive compulsive traits, anxious, very gentle etc. So he’s at most peace when next to me (he can’t sleep with dad if I’m at home). Now I’m due baby n2 in two weeks. We tried to get him to sleep in his room, tried to stay there whilst he was falling asleep, my DS even told me he wanted to try and sleep alone (but he never can). What would your advise be on how to manage sleep with a sensitive child like this and a newborn? I don’t know if we can actually just sleep all together (baby will be in next2me crib) or is there another fix for this? X

ThatPosterIsSoRight · 21/05/2022 23:00

Can he fall asleep with you then be carried to bed? With his agreement that that will happen. He might not like being disturbed by the baby anyway.

I did gradual withdrawal with my DC1 and finished it just in time for DC2’s arrival, but he was much younger than your DS.

backgroundingo · 21/05/2022 23:06

Does he sleep through the night? Is your room easily accessible from his in the night?

Get a soft chair and put it next to his bed. Start a routine books on a chair next to the bed as he falls asleep. It's best to sit as once the baby is here you will probably be holding them too. Sit with him until he's asleep, hold his hand .

We have a red nightlight so DD can see if she gets up in the night. Plus hall way plug in ones so if her or Ds get up it's not really dark.

RandomMess · 21/05/2022 23:07

I would put a mattress on your floor for him.

If the crying disturbs him he can either stay there or go to his room. I reckon he will sleep through it.

I don't think now is the right time to try and change things.

scrivette · 21/05/2022 23:26

I had this when I had DS2, I was getting uncomfortable being so heavily pregnant and squashed up beside DC1 and he was uncomfortable too so we agreed a mattress on the floor. By the time DS2 was born he happily slept in his own bed all night, although sometimes would fall asleep in our bed and would then be transferred.

Original poster

SnowBall86 · 24/05/2022 11:11

Thanks all for your replies, very reassuring! I guess now I just have to wait and see how DS feels when baby n2 is here… fingers crossed we’ll figure something out x

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 24/05/2022 11:13

RandomMess · 21/05/2022 23:07

I would put a mattress on your floor for him.

If the crying disturbs him he can either stay there or go to his room. I reckon he will sleep through it.

I don't think now is the right time to try and change things.

I agree. Now is not the time to tackle this.

MolliciousIntent · 24/05/2022 11:16

Moving him out of your bed now will make him feel like he's been replaced by the baby, and I don't think it's safe to have them both in the same bed with you either (not sure if the next-to-me counts, check with your midwife) so I'd suggest planning to have him in with you and the baby with your husband.

Also, his anxiety sounds extreme - are you getting him any help? This won't get better, he needs professional support.

Babyboomtastic · 24/05/2022 16:24

Its thing to be tricky, but it's too late for you to be currently anything now, without it causing resentment issues when the baby is here.

Its one of those things that if you are going to change, needs to happen many months before baby is born, or many months after, so he doesn't link the two so clearly.

Original poster

SnowBall86 · 27/05/2022 11:59

thats right, I don’t want him to make connections between him sleeping with someone else and the baby because I really don’t want him to feel any resentment. At the same time, I need my DS to be bright eyed and bushy tailed ready for school. I guess I’ll have to wait and see what we can come up with when bubs is here as I can talk to my DS and see how he feels then.

his anxiety is quite high, I’m a psychologist by education so we’d been managing it the best way can without any professional help just yet. I feel like he did come out of his shell a lot in the last year so I’m confident we can help him at home.

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Mattieandmummy · 02/06/2022 20:55

Can you try and talk to him about it?

My first sleeps in her bed with me on a mattress on the floor next to her (this is a major step forward for us), she's 3.5 years and I'm due with no. 2 in five weeks. I'm not planning on changing anything because I don't want her to resent no.2 or feel pushed out but we've started a conversation with her about how babies wake up a lot and we're worried she's going to get woken up a lot and be really tired.

I don't know how this is going to pan out and can see a scenario where I end up sleeping with no. 1 and no.2 but I wanted to try to lay the groundwork whereby if she's just shattered we have at least opened the door to coming to an alternative solution on who is sleeping where.

tothemoonandbackbuses · 02/06/2022 21:06

I had this problem. The baby went in a Moses basket and the toddler stayed in bed with me. I was able to lift him out and move him to the cot bed. When the baby got to about 8 months I was sandwiched between them for a few nights but I could continue with that. Toddler then went in his own bed but I stayed in bed with him until he went to sleep. Sometimes he would come back to my bed in. The night.
toddler is nearly 5. I still sleep in bed with him and the baby is now two and she sleeps best alone.

Original poster

SnowBall86 · 03/06/2022 17:08

Mattieandmummy · 02/06/2022 20:55

Can you try and talk to him about it?

My first sleeps in her bed with me on a mattress on the floor next to her (this is a major step forward for us), she's 3.5 years and I'm due with no. 2 in five weeks. I'm not planning on changing anything because I don't want her to resent no.2 or feel pushed out but we've started a conversation with her about how babies wake up a lot and we're worried she's going to get woken up a lot and be really tired.

I don't know how this is going to pan out and can see a scenario where I end up sleeping with no. 1 and no.2 but I wanted to try to lay the groundwork whereby if she's just shattered we have at least opened the door to coming to an alternative solution on who is sleeping where.

Thanks 🙏🏻 That’s exactly what I have been doing!
and also we tried to get my DH to sleep with him after DS fell asleep by my side. He actually now says he doesn’t mind who’s sleeping with him 😌 don’t know how long it’s going to last but hopefully it means that we have an option at least…

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Original poster

SnowBall86 · 03/06/2022 17:10

tothemoonandbackbuses · 02/06/2022 21:06

I had this problem. The baby went in a Moses basket and the toddler stayed in bed with me. I was able to lift him out and move him to the cot bed. When the baby got to about 8 months I was sandwiched between them for a few nights but I could continue with that. Toddler then went in his own bed but I stayed in bed with him until he went to sleep. Sometimes he would come back to my bed in. The night.
toddler is nearly 5. I still sleep in bed with him and the baby is now two and she sleeps best alone.

Thanks for sharing your experience, it’s very helpful to know what worked for other mums! I just pray that baby N2 likes her sleep… 😌

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