Lying on toddlers floor until he falls asleep

[Moonshine160]

My 3 year old DS started preschool two weeks ago. Since then he’s become very anxious and suffering with separation anxiety.
Regardless of how tired he is he will inconsolably cry at bedtime and keep getting out of his bed. The only thing that settles him is if I lie on the floor with my arm draped over the side of his bed holding his hand. He doesn’t want his dad, only me. He used to fall asleep quite quickly on his own but when I’m lying beside him he’s taking ages, playing with my hand and checking over the side of his bed to make sure I’m still there. Tonight I was lay on his floor for an hour before he fell asleep whereas it used to take 10 mins when he was alone. I’m also 21 weeks pregnant so lying on the floor with my arm over the bed is really starting to make me ache.
What can I do to try and improve things? Do I just need to ride it out? I feel like I need to be there emotionally for him at the moment as he’s struggling with settling into preschool and I think it’s making him anxious.
Any advice appreciated.

Just because he’s had a change in his routine and is now at nursery doesn’t mean he's got separation anxiety. He’s more likely over tired. I suggest you decide on a set routine and stick to it - one which doesn’t include you lying on the floor for hours! Bath, story, bed. Kiss night night and leave the room. If he gets up and leaves the room, take him back to bed, don't engage, no conversation. Rinse and repeat. He will cry, he will keep getting up but eventually he will get the message. He needs to be able to self soothe.
This is unsustainable, not least because there’ll be another baby in the mix in no time.

Could you try gradual withdrawal? Like sit on a chair but gradually each night move it further away until you're by the door, then outside the door etc?

Or put a double bed in his room so you can lie with him in comfort? Mattress on the floor? Gosh it's tough but I think most parents go through it.

I'd add to the gradual withdrawal of leaving your feet in shoes/slippers in view and then just leaving the shoes/slippers where he can see them and wandering off somewhere more comfortable yourself

It'd be more comfortable if you had a trundle bed under his bed that you could pull out and rest on. Trundle is also useful in "big bed" training for when they fall out, so they learn not to fall out but don't get hurt if they do.

Sometimes older children will chat well past bed times, and doing a "deal" where they have a audio book for half to one hour at just about audible level if there is not too much rustling or chatter may help clam things down. If he's very keen on a particular book series, you might also try that? Sometimes a soft little small pillow they can clutch on their chest can be reassuring. Small pillow has better coverage than a soft toy.

It's all about reassurance and positive distraction from fears. You're doing the right thing but also have to think of yourself and your health especially when pregnant.

Do whatever is best for you. I would just let my eldest fall asleep in my bed with me cuddling her at that age. Then move her after she fell asleep. She sleeps in her own bed now so it did no harm. Just a lot easier than lying on the floor, especially when you're pregnant. Congratulations 💐

It's only been a couple of weeks, so I'd stick with it a little longer. He clearly really needs you right now! Hopefully he'll settle sooner and you won't be laid there for an hour before long.

I still lay with my 5 year old until he falls asleep after stories, and did through pregnancy with his sibling, and my current pregnancy! But we can both fit on his bed. There were times he'd take a while when younger, now it's 5 minutes. It won't be forever.

I think there's merit in following a routine & being firm about just returning him to bed, no fuss, no chat etc. self soothing IS a skill.

and yes, with a new baby on the way you're going to need to get him going to sleep without you before then.

Have you tried talking to him about what's unsettling him?? Can he verbalise what he wants/needs??

if you want to soothe & cuddle him, can you not do it on your bed & get DH to lift him into his when you go to bed??

Thanks everyone for your comments. I do think he’s very anxious at the moment and has some separation anxiety. His behaviour hasn’t just changed around sleep, he panics if I pop upstairs or into another room if he can’t see me. He has verbalised that he’s worried about mummy leaving him and he’s scared when I leave him at preschool. This behaviour has all started since he started going there but I have no option but to send him as I’m at work.
We’ve always had a bedtime routine since he was very young: bath, Milk and a cuddle, brush teeth and have a wee, then a story in bed. This hasn’t changed and we’re still sticking to it but as soon as the story begins he gets upset. We repeatedly return him to his bed but he climbs straight back out. We’ve got a baby gate for his door so could pen him in but I just feel bad doing this when he seems so anxious and upset.

Work on getting him okay with you being in other rooms during the day, playing hide and seek in different rooms can be good for this.
You can either do a gradual withdrawal as others have described or agree to check in on him, gradually lengthening out the checkins.