Toddler and baby sleep time driving me insane

[Asiama]

11 month old baby goes to sleep shortly before 3.5 year old DS. Toddler has to walk past baby's room to go to the loo and always refuses to be quiet. Tonight he was meowing very loudly and when DH told him to be silent, he had a massive crying meltdown which could then be heard throughout the house. This then wakes the baby up and he cries and can't go back to sleep for 1.5 hours, despite me trying everything - breastfeeding, rocking him, patting him etc.

I have had this for 3 months every night now and can't take it anymore. If it's not meowing, it's roaring like a lion, talking very loudly etc. Bed time takes up more than 2 hours because of this and I feel really angry at my toddler while I'm trying to get the baby to sleep.

Does anyone have any advice or tips? Currently trying to get my baby to sleep again and I'm at the end of my tether.

My initial thought is that toddler is after some attention.

Perhaps try making it a quiet game and some stickers for good quiet bed times?

Could you swap their go to bed times around so toddler is sleep before baby is settled down for the night?

Can you switch rooms so the toddler doesn’t have to pass the baby’s room?

Agree, this worked for us

We tried making it a game, it didn't work. We are going to try a sticker chart as I'm desperate but not holding our hope as they haven't worked in other situations.

Toddler used to have the baby's room and we moved the toddler as there are creaky floor boards outside the room which woke him up every single night when we walked past his room to get to ours. Doesn't seem to bother the baby though!

I would be interested in how switching up bed times has worked for others? Currently I take baby up for his bedtime routine while toddler is eating dinner with dad.

3.5 is old enough to know to be quiet..I would absolutely not tolerate this.

I would put 3.5 year old to bed first as a natural consequence explaining why.

Less than 2 years between my two and eldest has a diagnosis of asd... he has always understood he has to be quiet if others are asleep!

Yep been there. Switching bedtimes wasn’t an option as baby was shattered and couldn’t make beyond 6.30pm without becoming overtired, and sending the older one to bed at like 6pm would result in a 5am wake up. Nor was swapping the rooms due to the layout of the house.

We actually went the other way and kept the older one up later, so baby would be more deeply asleep and less likely to be woken by normal noise levels like footsteps or chatting. We also did a sticker chart- at the start of the week she’d pick a treat (within reason) e.g. trip to the cafe for a cake after school on Friday or something small from the toy shop and one week of stickers for being good at bedtime meant she got her reward. Plus a big fuss, extra bedtime story, lots of attention, that she could have by virtue of not waking the baby.

Baby has fallen asleep now after 1.5 hours of screaming and I feel exhausted and angry.

I feel it's a reasonable expectation for a 3.5 year old to be quiet but don't know how to actually get him to do it. Telling him off etc leads to screaming tantrums so the baby is then awake.

The baby doesn't wake up with normal household noise but what the toddler produces is way beyond that eg hysterical crying because DH put toothpaste on his toothbrush.

Have you tried white noise for baby?

Have you talked to the older one about how he behaves at times other than bedtime? He is old enough to understand that he needs to be quiet.
Remind him before going upstairs that he must be quiet.
Get him changed and then remind him before sending him to the loo. Dies your DH have to go with him or can he manage on his own?
Maybe no story if he makes a noise.

Have you tried putting them to sleep at the same time in the same room? I have a similar aged kids and they have the same bedtime just for an easy life.

White noise

We have a white noise machine and it works to drown out toddler noise. I switch it on just as I’m about to put baby in the cot and zip up sleeping bag etc

Another for white noise.
Whilst I only have one, it means we can go about the house doing whatever and it doesn't disrupt him.

I’d put them to bed at the same time. I always did with mine.

Can baby and toddler have dinner at the same time, then DH do bedtime routine with toddler and you do bedtime routine with baby? At least the baby might still be awake anyway for the screamy bits of toddler's bedtime routine. Maybe you could do feed/cuddles on the sofa downstairs while toddler is getting settled, then you and baby head upstairs once the worst is over.

That's pretty much what we used to do, relies on DC2 being happy to fall asleep a little bit later though. If your toddler is that screamy by bedtime, he sounds tired and an earlier bedtime might not be a bad thing tbh

Also try and get toddler's teeth/drink/loo trip etc done as early as possible in the process, then confined to bedroom with DH doing bedtime stories.