Can't hack it anymore

[Bluepolkadots42]

I am at breaking point right now. My 4mo is just so hard to get to nap unless in the car. They are my 2nd DC and it is proving impossible to try and meet their wake windows around school drops and pick ups. They are v unsettled from 11pm slamming their feet down endlessly in crib which wakes me, they are then waking for an hour in middle of night after their 1am feed wanting to play, then again from 5am where they will say asleep if dummy replaced but spit dummy every 7-10 mins . I go to bed at 7.30, just after my eldest. I have no evening because I have to choose between 3.5 hour block of sleep before the leg slamming starts or seeing my husband- watching TV etc. I knew it would be like this for 3 months but I don't know how much longer I can sustain this. It feels like such a miserable existence.

I know some of this is likely to be regression but the 5am wake ups have been happening for 6 weeks now and I think it's because they don't get enough sleep in day. Their first nap nearly always falls during school run which is a very short journey. They will fall asleep in car fine but then will wake as soon as I have to take them out of car to walk dc1 in to school. Dc1 is 4 and not old enough to walk from parent car park themselves. So their 1st nap is 10 mins.
Sometimes if im lucky they will go back off to sleep on way home but again, can't transfer out the car without waking. So I have to park a top of road whilst they sleep and start driving again as soon as they start stirring. They can sleep up to 1 hour like this but usually between 25 and 40 mins. If I'm unlucky they won't sleep on way home and I'm then totally confused about when to offer next nap. They end up having 5 or 6 naps a day. They won't sleep longer than 30 mins in their cot. They used to manage 40mins at 3 months and twice they slept 1 hour. I feel like I spend my whole life either sat in car so they can sleep or in a dark room trying to get them to sleep, or holding them for a rescue nap as last nap of day. They were averaging 3h of day sleep but the last 10 days it's been more like 2.5h. I feel like I have no time to rest or to get the chores I need done. My eldest spends most of the time either side of school in front of telly whilst I get baby down to sleep or hold them for a nap. I feel like I'm failing at everything for both of them tbh. And now the night sleep is going to shit i don't know how much longer I can do this before I snap. I'm exhausted, on edge about fucking naps all the time, snappy with my eldest and have no energy to play or properly connect with them.
I feel anxious all the time about babys naps because I know that if they are bad that day ill get nothing done and then will also be punished with a bad night from them.
With my eldest naps were also a struggle but at least I wasn't trying to make them work around other commitments and could prioritise them when I needed to. I dont even know what I want from this post tbh. Advice and space to offload I think.

TL:DR youngest can't get into proper nap routine cos of school runs etc. Won't sleep longer than 30 mins in cot. Night sleep now going to shit too.

[MumtherofCats]

2.5 hours of day sleep doesn't sound bad to me for 4 months. Sleep needs can reduce a lot at 4 months and 2.5 hours may be fine for yours at this point. What time does lo go to bed? You may have the opposite problem to what you think low sleep pressure due to too much sleep overall. This was our problem and once I reduced overall hours of sleep lo slept much better. Look up Georgina May on Instagram/YouTube/Facebook as she provides lots of information about sleep pressure. I'd forget about wake windows if they aren't working for you. Wake windows were the worst thing I did and forcing baby to sleep when not tired during the day caused us hourly wakes at night. It wasn't overtiredness it was undertiredness!

[thingymaboob]

I feel your pain! I have a 4mo too and life revolves around naps. Short naps are normal and cot naps are no longer than 20 minutes here.
Only suggestion is that you leave earlier for the school run and drive around for a bit until drop off to lengthen nap...
And do this for pick up too. Drive around until pick up.

[thingymaboob]

My 4 mo goes to bed between 9-10pm and wakes up between 7-8ish for day. So 9-10 hours overnight. No way she's ready for 7-7. I expect her bedtime will be nearer 7-8 pm around 6 months. She wakes roughly 2 times a night but can be hourly or she's done one 8 hour stretch. It's random! I go on wake windows and grumpiness in day to determine naps. Not a set routine as such. So between 3-5 naps. My DH does preschool run so I'm lucky

[Sunshinegirl82]

I have had two shit sleepers, they are now 3 and 6. I still co sleep with the youngest because otherwise I just don't get any sleep and it's not worth it.

First thing I'd say is that it won't be like this forever, sleep is one of the many things that changes over the first 12 months or so. This is not forever.

The second is to stop doing things if they aren't working for you. If they won't go in the cot then I wouldn't overly worry about it. Will they sleep in the sling? Can you go for a walk after drop off with then in the sling? My youngest did almost all his naps in the sling!

Do you have a car seat that attaches to the pram to help with transfers? If not can you look at that? Have you tried something like a snooze shade on the car seat to see if that helps them stay asleep?

Is co sleeping at night an option for you? I understand it's not for everyone and it wasn't my first choice but ultimately it got me more sleep so I went with it.

Could you take baby out for a drive in the early afternoon to get a nap in? Go to a drive through costa and take a book or watch something on your phone whilst baby sleeps.

Do you have a DH/DP? Can he help? Can he take baby for a walk at the weekend so you can do something one on one with your eldest?

You are fire fighting right now and that's tough but you will get through this stage. In my case I found that it was easier when I stopped trying to fight it and accepted that things would just have to be less than ideal for a while and worked with what I had and not what I wanted. Easier said than done though I know!

[Sunshinegirl82]

There were paragraphs when I posted it but they seem to have disappeared! Apologies for the wall of text!

[OnceuponaRainbow18]

Can you walk your 4 year old to school so baby can nap longer in a pram/sling? Older one could scooter?

[Bluepolkadots42]

Thanks all for your advice, suggestions and general empathising. I'm feeling a lot calmer.
We have a big week this week with oldest bday and our first whole class party which I am 10000% regretting agreeing to so I think these things have also contributed to me feeling so overwhelmed and generally 🤯

I am deffo going to check out Georgia May. After fighting nap 2 for 25 mins baby finally fell asleep in cot and slept 1 hour! It's almost like they knew i was writing a post moaning about their naps... currently sitting in car having left house 30 mins early for school pick up so baby can sleep. I might get a mini fridge or kettle to go in here I spend so much time in here these days 🙄