WHAT THE F*CK 🤯🔫

[LillyMac500]

I’m definitely nearing breakdown stages, but also boring myself with sleep chat so I can’t talk to all my friends, who incidentally all have good sleepers.
My 2.5 year old has always been a terrible sleeper, but is getting worse instead of better. I wouldn’t say I was quite suicidal but I’m definitely on the edge. We’ve had problems with split nights for around 18 months - we’ve tried everything. We got to a stage of just one or two short wake ups but that didn’t last.
We’re in the process of dropping the nap completely as even with a cat nap she is then a horror going to bed & wakes loads. We had a few nights were it worked well, out like a light at 7, short wake at 1ish, then right through til 7/730.
Nursery “accidentally” let her have a nap twice last week & she’s been horrendous ever since. The last three nights I could easily have jumped off a bridge.
Fri - asleep by 7, awake 1130 for 30 minds, then 1am for 45 mins until we eventually took her in with us (which we don’t normally do), she slept on/off til 5 when I transferred her back to her cot where she slept til 9am (would never normally let her sleep that late to try & keep a routine).
Sat - again asleep by 7, awake by 830 then again 1030 then again at 3 and up for the day at 5.
Sun/last night- asleep by 645, awake an hour later, then again at 1130 UNTIL 4am, then slept til 9 again.
how the f*ck do I get out of this rut? When she wakes, she cries & cries til we go in. We’ve tried leaving her for as long as possible, going in straight away & leaving her for set periods. We paid £350 for a sleep consultant that didn’t help.
please help a desperate mother.

[LGBirmingham]

Hi, I think I recognise your username fron that split nights thread. I read it as we're getting them from time to time.

I've no experience as mine is only 17months. But surely it's your nap drop that's causing this? I wouldn't have thought you could do much about it as when they need to drop all naps surely it is just going to be a difficult phase as managing a whole day is tough for them?

Do you think a cat nap only on days she wakes early might work? Or every 3 days or something? Apologies if you've already tried this. I'm sure it will come good in the end.

[Summerholidayorcovidagain]

Toddler bed. Make the room safe. Baby gate.

[KarrotKake]

Is she in a cot or cotbed sized cot? At 2.5 she might need more space than a cot.

You wont like the solution we ended up with. I took all the spare bedding from the house, and turned it into a bed on DSs floor. I used to go into his room at first wake up, give him my fingers to play with and doze. When he was asleep, and I realised it, I'd creep back into bed. He'd scream if we left him, but if I was there, he'd just chatter to himself.......

Good luck. It's soul destroying.@

[LillyMac500]

Thanks for your replies; she’s in a cot bed just now but we’re looking into getting a floor bed/toddler bed/mattress on the floor.
The nap situation is most likely what’s causing the current wake ups, but her sleep is generally so bad it doesn’t feel any different and I’d have hoped the transition wouldn’t take this long.
What would you do for tonight? She’s so so grumpy now (1540) obviously cause of the broken sleep, but it’s too late for a nap and from the last few weeks of trial & error, the nap doesn’t help the night wakes and makes bed time worse. its also too early to put her to bed even though I’d love to right now 🙄

[KarrotKake]

I wouldn't win mother of the year. I'd feed him something with a bit of sugar, then take him to the park.
Eggs on toast, or something equally fast to prepare when we go in, then bed around 6.
Good luck!

[Harrysmummy246]

Tell nursery that under no circumstances are they to 'accidentally' allow her to nap. FULL STOP. We had to do that too. We never had the split night thing but I was despairing of 2+ hours til DS was asleep enough for me to relax (i.e. then head straight to bed myself)

I did bedshare if he woke though (and still do at almost 5yo).

[barneymcgroo]

My nearly 2 year old - we recently dropped the nap, as if he did sleep, wouldn't go to sleep in the evening til 8/9, even 10 sometimes. He's a bit grouchy mid afternoon, and definitely ready for bed. If we're out somewhere, he might fall asleep in the car/sling for a 5/10min power nap - actually seems to help a bit, and doesn't impact on bedtime sleep too much.

Still wakes loads in the night, but goes back pretty quickly. And in with us from 11ish, and sleeps perfectly happily next to me. (Need to sort it out pretty soon, as baby arriving in October. Not cosleeping with 2...

[SeaToSki]

Do you have helpful parents or in laws who could come over and help you try to sleep train again?

Have you talked to the GP? Maybe a mild sedative/sleep aid for a week would help reset her body clock, some antihistamines can do this.

[LillyMac500]

DH put her to bed tonight after some initial faffing following an unexpected family visit 🤦‍♀️ asleep by 645 again, would’ve preferred much earlier but the visitors put paid to that.
My parents are overseas but my in-laws are local. They do help but sometimes make things worse by literally letting her eat sweets all day and letting her nap on the couch. We do utilise when we can though, my might reach out to siblings on either side for more help.
I asked my HV about melatonin or something similar but she said unlikely GP would prescribe unless there were any underlying issues, which DD doesn’t have. Other than her sleep, she’s a great child 😭

[LillyMac500]

@barneymcgroo will definitely be stipulating this at drop off this week!! Definitely made things a lot worse earlier last week.

[8MinutesToSunrise]

I coslept to survive, it eventually got better. Hang in there.

[sleighbellsjiggling]

@KarrotKake

I wouldn't win mother of the year. I'd feed him something with a bit of sugar, then take him to the park.
Eggs on toast, or something equally fast to prepare when we go in, then bed around 6.
Good luck!

This is my current tactic. my 3yo is dropping his nap but will fall fast asleep as soon as his dinner is ready. I tend to feed him something sugary, give him his tablet as a distraction for a bit until dinner then off for a walk to the park to keep him awake and burn off any last bits of energy. Not going to win any award but he'll generally sleep pretty well now.

If he does have a nap the whole thing is ruined for at least a week until we get the routine back again.

Oh and no travelling in a car from 3pm onwards as instant nap. It's hard, I feel for you.

[LillyMac500]

Thanks @sleighbellsjiggling and @KarrotKake I kind of do this on nursery days, give a sweet in the car, let her run around the garden while I do dinner and sometimes run a bath so I can literally dip her in and out before bed!
Interesting what you say about taking a week to get back into routine- I felt we were getting in to a better place, although still had short wakes, before the accidental nursery naps. Hoping for some light at the end of this long tunnel… co-sleeping never seems to work for us, happy to do it if it works - and I keep trying 🤣