How much crying is acceptable for CIO/Ferber (volume not time)

[Nellin]

Hi all,

I was wondering, how much crying is acceptable when sleep training? There is fussing, crying, screaming etc. - my baby seems to be going all in in terms of crying and I worry that I shouldn't be letting that happen even for CIO/Ferber.

Please no judgement re sleep training, i have enough guilt of my own. It wasn't a light decision.

Thanks in advance

volume can be ignored, just keep an eye on the time

As pp said. There is a point though, when you can tell your lo is seriously getting themselves in a state. It's advised with ferber that you must know your kids cry to be able to do ferber.

Hi, thank you for your comment.

Could you elaborate on "getting into a state" please?

thank you

Mine screamed blue bloody murder. He was 2 though and it was very much an angry cry rather than distressed/heartbroken. Without sounding too awful it actually made it easier to leave him.

It took 3 nights of Hell, 4th night we cracked it. Followed Ferber to there book, we'd been co-sleeping and breastfeeding on demand (hourly) so was quite a lot to fix, we could only cope with doing it all at once

Yes, i was in the same position the 1st time we did Ferber and it was god sent. Now we have this rolling issue and she will only sleep if breastfed as she gets really worked up if i leave her sleep on tummy / try to work out how to roll back etc. and it feel exactly as you said, distressed / heartbroken.

It feel sleep training never end to be hence...

For my lo it's when it's the sobs with almost a gasp/sniffing at same time, it's hard to explain what it is. I have never had it when sleep training though, shes only done it in the day and only happened like twice and its when i havent been in room and i can hear her when shes with her dad (usually told her no, or something silly or shes ovrertired and my oh hasnt listened to me), and Sleep training crying though I never had that, my lo only cried and shouted at me as she frustrated and simply pissed off.

I found the controlled crying easier than Ferber. It meant I could reassure them rather than fully leaving them to it. You basically go in at increasing intervals to reassure them.

I thought ferber was controlled crying ?

That's what Ferber is, you go in after increasing intervals, reassure and retreat. You don't just leave indefinitely

@Matchingcollarandcuffs Ahhhh, I didn’t realise you didn’t just leave 😳

Making themselves sick !

thankfully she never got that far...but still she sounds really really upset.

Well she is going to be upset, you are changing her routine and she doesnt understand why. Luckily you know that sleeping properly is crucial for her brain development and having a Mummy who isnt going to crash the car from sleep deprivation is also v important.

The key is once you start, to gut it out. If you give in you are teaching them that crying loudly will change Mummy’s mind.

but just checking that your LO is at least 4 months old, younger than that is too young imho as they cant coordinate a hand to their mouth to suck their thumb and self sooth

Its not so much volume, but the type of cry. Sad / angry / frustrated that they’re not getting their own way is a different sounding cry to sick, scared or hurt.

Have you got a video monitor so that you can watch as well as hear? Sometimes that helps to be able to tell what’s going on.