how,on God's green earth, do you NOT feed to sleep?!

[maltatheterrible]

help me please, dd has been demand breatsfed from birth, as a newborn she would have a big feed of milk - then go to sleep.
and this pattern has carried on and now she is 11 months and i am the only person who can put her to sleep.

A few weeks ago one MNer blithely stated "oh, i never fed or rocked mine to sleep" and through the jealous rage i wondered how you just "don't"???

i need answers so i can get this right with baby no2 please

I never fed nor rocked mine to sleep ..

I fed them if they fell asleep they were put in the moses basket

if they didn't fall asleep they were put in the moses basket (if they'd been fed, winded, changed they just settled themselves down)

they stayed wherever we were for the first 2 or 3 months .. in the night I'd scoop them up and put them in bed with us and they'd feed and then fall asleep between us because that way I hardly woke up

when they got their own bedtime they'd be fed and taken upstairs and slowly and gently put down .. so you hold them close to you and bend your whole body and then release them slowly .. they would be either asleep or sleepy at this time and then you leave

if there is a whimper I wouldn't respond .. need full blown crying for a response and if full and dry and warm mine wouldn't cry

but it all boils down to luck of the draw I suppose .. both of mine were like this

Think "oh i never fed or rocked mine to sleep" has to be up there with "you were potty trained by 10 months darling" as the outcome of a truly selective parenting memory!

oh that sou8nds lovely...huge sigh

mine has gone for brick red screaming for whenever she is sleepy but not at the breast, she has never been content to be awake but on her own.

fingers crossed for a less intense second baby then

did you read my post witch and then think 'she's lying'

witchandchips - my MIL insists that DH and both his brothers were fully potty trained by 12 months

have been tempted to ask why his aim is still so rubbish

I do think that many first (and sometimes subsequent) babies are overstimulated .. sometimes I look at parents and think 'get out of that baby's face and let it just be' .. in that way they learn to just be

but some parents see their child awake and feel obliged to enteratin with silly faces and noises .. all very well but only if balanced with ignoring it too

IMHO

mine would fall asleep bf but I would then wake them up and but them in their cot awake IYSWIM, tricky in the early weeks but easier as they got a bit older. My dd who wanted to be cuddled asleep I used the pick up put down method with from abouut 5 days old. I put in the cot awake she cried, I picked her she calmed down after a bit, I put her back down, she cried I picked her back up etc etc etc. It worked very quickly for her I just saw it as her learning that being on the outside was different to being war snuggly and held like she was on the inside. Was quite a bit of work for the first few days then it was quite easy. One of mine loved the space/freedom of being stretched out from birth - she was my biggest & longest I have the impression that it was too cramped for her liking on the inside.

Depends on the baby, DS would only be fed to sleep (although only for the first few months until he discovered his thumb).

DD was always awake and gurgly and ready for a little play after a feed.

I do think there is skill & luck involved when trying to learn if your baby is hungry, tired, over stimulated or bored the earlier you pick up the cues the easier it. Also some babies are much easier to read and some babies are just calmer than others. I do agree overstimulation and overtiredness can be a big problem.

twiglett - too true, i think i have caught the odd "oh for goodness sake, just leave her alone" face from my mother...but she is a star and doesn'y actually say anything

by this stage i think i am losing some of my pfb syndrome (child currently asleep covered in mashed banana because she threw such a fit when i tried getting it off)

i solemnly promise not to pick up baby2 whenever it squeeks

Cargirl - i think i might be confident enough on the second one to try the pick up/put down from the early days. I was just so unprepared for that feeling like your hearts being ripped out with a coathanger every time they cry, and i am aware that i probably jump to early, trying every little thing to make her happy when really she probably just wants to be left alone to grumble for a couple of minutes

I think you have to have a mental mindshift and try to also remember that their crying is the only way of communicating that they have, and you are "teaching" them stuff such as "it's okay to be on your own in your moses basket when you're tired" or if you're that way inclined go down the whole attachment parenting route instead

there is a chart in the Baby whisperer book about what different cries are communicating in a newborn that is useful in first few weeks

almost as useful as the Sunday Papers (seriously buy the sunday papers, feed baby put in moses basket at your feet, kick back on sofa and read)

nooo, couldn't do attachment parenting, as much as i love her, i do not want her stapled to me

sunday papers sounds fab, although with a toddler at hand i guess that won't happen now

To come at it from a slightly different angle, I used to listen to all my friends talking about how long they had spent getting their LOs to sleep, and how hard it was and I'd feel quite smug lucky that I just fed dd to sleep. No stress. No palava. Whack her on the boob, read a few pages of my book, plop her in the cot when she falls off the boob. Done. Will definitely be aiming to do the same with number 2.

(She just naturally progressed to falling asleep by herself at about 14 months. She still sometimes likes a cuddle while she drops off but as she's only 19 months it's not really an issue or a problem to DP or me).

DD1 was fed to sleep, and carefully lifted in to bed. DD2 is fed before bed, then is usually still awake (but very sleepy) when she's put to bed.

DD1 is a very heavy sleeper now, you could pick her up and throw her, she'd still not wake up, but finds it more difficult to nod off than DD2, who is quite a light sleeper, but settles quickly usually. Probably nothing to do with it, but interesting to me, nonetheless

well that gives me some hope thanks you Broccoli, can i ask are you still breastfeeding her?

mine has point blank refused a bottle so i'm not giving up anytime soon

sometimes i can read a book whilst feeding, but sometimes it seems to distract her, and sometimes she falls off the boob but the minute i try and pick her up she wakes and roots around for the beloved nipple agin. DH told me noone would appreciate my boobs the way he does, he now conceeds he was wrong!

nobiggy, i have been tempted to pick mine up and throw her...straight out the bedroom window and into the pond last night when i tried to lower her gently for the 20th time and her eyes flew open and she screamed at me

I'm not still feeding, no. She stopped quite gradually at around 14ish months. I found a feeding cushion was ideal for reading and feeding at the same time.

Will second Nobiggie's experience of feeding to sleep making heavy sleepers! I can change her into pjs, change her nappy, move her about, all without a flicker from her! (I know, some babies are light sleepers, and some are heavy sleepers, but I'm sure that being used to being carried and moved and taken from room to room while sleeping since she was tiny must have contributed.)

Twiglett think it is just a matter of interpretation. it is the never that i have problems believing

Broccoli - will your DD take a bottle or has she gone straight on to a cup/beaker please?
sorry to keep hassling you but you have direct/relevant experience of somehting that has been worrying me so your input is very helpful (although i realise that my dd won't necessarily follow to type)

Hello malta. Are you desperate to stop bf-ing or just have a break from the nighttime routine? If not, then please don't worry as these things tend to have a way of gradually changing and in 6 months you may well wonder why you were so worried. DS still bf's to sleep at 2.2 although for the last year (? can't remember exactly) we have gradually been able to have dh put him down to sleep too. No conscious planning or programme of reform (!) - just a gentle adaptation as he grows older and changes.

You haven't done anything wrong by the way, not in the slightest. So you might want to do things differently with number 2 but there isn't a right and wrong here. Good luck.

walnutshell - breastfeeding, i change my mind from loving it to hating it at least once a day. DD still feeds VERY reguarly, i read one poster who was down to 3 feeds a day with a 10 month old, but DD just seems to snack feed whenever which is great for comforting/quick cuddles but sometimes i do feel seriously pulled at - and recently she lacerated both breats by "chewing" on me, then i really could have given it up

but then she looks up at me all happy and milk drunk and i wouldn't chnage it for the world [smile}

I understand. DS fed very frequently and still has 2-4 day feeds as well as night and before breakfast! We have been through phases where he won't be put to bed by anyone else, he wants to snack-feed more frequently, he wakes in the night for feeding... all have changed over time. The biting phase was pretty bad but again, that has ceased now. I just don't worry about it anymore, I'll keep going until one or the other of us has really had enough. Can't see that being in the next few months though, but right now I'm ok with that.

Lacerated both breasts? Really? That does not sound very pleasant! You're doing really well to continue. Yes the happy milky look is very gratifying.

Oh, I sometimes wonder what I will do when (if) number 2 comes along, but actually I think you just worry less. Plus you establish some sort of routine with number 1 which you then automatically operate with number 2 (if possible) - I mean, rather than trial and error. So I wouldn't worry too much, besides they're all so different... (I'm asking for one that doesn't bite next time! And perhaps sleeps through at 12 weeks - yeah right!)