5months of hell

[morninglarking]

Hello, I have a 5month old DS who does not want to sleep and I am on the verge of cracking up now

He wakes up crying 5-10 times a night, with varying sleep in between and some nights, barely makes it for any real stretches of sleep at all.
he is being treated for reflux as he was not gaining weight and was failing to thrive (was gaviscon now Omeprazole) and was considered CMPA but all the milks we tried were a total s* show and so we have reverted to Hipp and he seems fine with this now he’s a bit bigger. His reflux seems better and he is now gaining weight and has more of an appetite. he has 7-oz bottles every 4hrs or so.
we’ve started weaning him with varying results as he wakes up hungry in the night usually and will down 9oz bottles in 10 seconds flat. We have tried to increase his day feeds and reduce his night feeds to phase these out however, he cried for hours with smaller feeds and the nights we did manage to cut out feeds, he then hardly ate the next day so I felt awful that there may have been a different issue.
he also has a peanut allergy and is on the waiting list to see Paediatrician and dietitian at the hospital but the wait is long because Covid caused so many delays.
I have sought advice from HV (useless) and very kind and patient GP that we see monthly for his weight but she wasn’t sure what else to try and it sounds like he needs more solids but is concerned about allergies and explained that he needs the testing first & advice from dietician really.
I thought it was sleep regressions/developments but could that be nearly constant since birth?
he is still in our small room because he’ll need to go in with DS1 eventually who sleeps well and so is in with us for now in a next to me.
we’ve tried moving it away from the bed, having it with the bed, bed sharing etc and none of it made any noticeable difference.
he has a dummy and can put it back in himself overnight. He’s dressed well for the temperature of our room, it’s blacked out with white noise and he has a solid nap& bedtime routine during the day. He usually settles ok for a couple of hours at the start of the night and then hell is unleashed.
ive shorted his day naps, lengthened them, abandoned the routine and also stuck to it religiously. None of them got us more sleep. I always have it 2 weeks to work out first.

other details are: DH and I are on our knees at this point. We’ve taken turns getting sleep where we can but we live in a small-ish flat and don’t have many options in terms of escaping the screaming and getting sleep.
I suffered pretty terrible PND with DS1 and DH is very conscious of this and is reluctant to leave me alone with baby crying for too long and is also juggling long hours at work and I’m worried about his mental health too at this point. I don’t know how I would cope if something happened to him and vice versa.
we don’t have any willing external help from parents or friends, it’s just not there. We have begged a couple of hours from my mum but she works a lot and has health problems so is very difficult to pin down for help in her spare time which I fully appreciate. In-laws are not interested sadly.
lastly, money is really tight despite us both working (isn’t it for everyone though) and so my backup plan of sleep consultant is not looking likely now
Poor DS1 is now left to his own devices/too much TV and I am so worried about the lack of good attention for him at the moment. He does go to preschool once a week but we can’t afford to send him any more and need to wait until he turns 3 in August.

We had a blissful couple of weeks when DS2 first started infant gaviscon for reflux where he would only wake once for a quick 10min feed and back to sleep again (6:30pm - 6:30am) but that stopped once he became hideously constipated. Omeprazole seems to have a mild effect and mild im not sure acid reflux is even the real issue now. He seems to just be insatiably hungry overnight and is varyingly hungry during the day. He’s quite content during the day if we’re out and about but seems bored/restless at home despite my best efforts.

I am so exhausted that I can’t see the woods for the trees and have no one to sound off of anymore. If anyone can read this and suggest something I’m probably missing here, please do! I can’t help but think it’s a fairly simple solution but I just can’t crack it.

Hiya. It doesn't sound simple at all - it sounds awful. Poor you. It really sounds like you're doing everything you can, do you think it's got worse with 4 month regression? Can he roll? Could you put him to sleep on his tummy?

Also, have you tried the HIPP hungry baby formula? My nephew was like yours and they put him on that and he settled.

Hi boob, thank you for taking the time to read that essay 😳

He has been rolling back to front for a couple of months now but can’t always roll from font to back again and just squeals for help until I/DH/DS roll him back again. He seems quite distressed by being on his tummy and is usually quite sick while doing it even if it’s been ages since a feed, I think it could aggravate his reflux..

I have actually tried putting him down on his tummy because he liked it as a baby and often fell asleep during tummy time but he seems to absolutely hate it now and will sleep on his back seemingly ok - as in, without arching his back, being sick etc the same way as before. He just won’t sleep for enough time for anyone to get any proper rest

he has eczema and probably other allergies too by the looks of things right now, perhaps there’s something really irritating him that I’m not aware of

i haven’t tried the hungry baby milk, I will pop to the shops today and try that. Thank you 💐

You may have tried this but aptamil anti reflux milk worked wonders for my DS last year….def worth a go if you’ve not already. It’s thicker so you’ll need a faster flowing teat.

Hi op, I would second reflux formula, my ds could chug it down without issue. You can buy carobel which is the thickening agent and just add it to whatever you like. We had the same woes with gaviscon and constipation and had to give lactulose daily.

In regards to the sleeping I think we can drive ourselves mad thinking that there is just one thing causing the waking that we can fix. But reality is there's probably a myriad of different things on anyone night that could be causing the waking on anyone night.

At five months there's bound to be issues with the light phases of sleep that babies encounter as their sleep cycle matures, time will be the healer here. You can obviously keep experimenting with the meds and this will help too. If baby has allergies and has eczema could there be a particular fabric or washing powder that is making it worse? Of course you can also try all the white noise, black out blinds, co-sleeping, being vigilant on wake windows to avoid overtiredness etc...

Dr Sears has a good checklist of things that might disturb sleep on his site, and Sarah Ockwell-Smith has lots of useful ideas in her book. This will all help a bit I reckon.

I thought I was going to die from exhaustion when my son was that age. One day the reflux just ended, and it made such a difference him not spending half of every day crying. Any periods of crap sleep were much easier to deal with.

Thanks Fairy - I have tried that & unfortunately it also gave him constipation

Birmingham - thank you for your message, weirdly I read it and decided to sort of accept what was happening and just go with it and the last 2 nights have been much better. I also found another thread similar to mine and someone suggested the OP read Georgina May’s sleep info, which I did. It really helped too.
I’ve cut down his day naps and gone with when he seems tired rather than imposing what I thought he ‘should’ do & started BLW too and it’s removed a huge amount of stress around sleep/eating enough and he seems happier than ever? Bizarrely, it seems to be enough.
It’s easier for now anyway, hopefully it lasts a while

thanks again 💐

Hi Morning lark, I think I definitely felt better when I just accepted my son's sleep at that age. Little ones pick up on stress really easily don't they? Perhaps now you're more relaxed baby is too? Glad your feeling better.

This really helped me chill out. You might like it? sarahockwell-smith.com/2013/08/29/help-my-4-5-month-old-is-sleeping-like-a-newborn-again-aka-as-the-4-5-month-old-babies-from-hell/