6 month old will only sleep in my bed

Sophie9090 · 2022-05-05T19:46:49+00:00

since he was born he’s been in our room in a next to me crib. The last month or so he has been waking up every 30 minutes in there, he initially starts fidgeting, then his arms start slowing flapping and if I don’t get him out he will wake up fully crying. If put him in my bed he falls back to sleep instantly and will sleep soundly the entire night. When he wakes up in his next to me crib I’m right next to him, it’s like he’s in the bed anyway, so I can’t understand why he won’t settle in there anymore. I try rubbing his belly holding his hand, But he won’t settle. Its so tiring waking up every 30 minutes, and sometimes I just let him sleep in me bed all night because I’m so sleep deprived. Getting him out and putting him back isn’t working. anyone got a magic wand?

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/05/2022 20:47

Time for a cot in his own room I think

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/05/2022 20:49

You have two options - make his bed more like your bed, or research safe bedsharing and go down that route.

To make his bed more like yours, I'd put him in a cot, so it's roomier, and I'd sleep a few nights before hand on the combed sheet so it has your scent. You can also pre warm it with a hot water bottle.

Lots of Mumsnetters co sleep and they seem to research how to do it safely so you could get some good tips for that on here.

Thefaceofboe · 06/05/2022 06:44

What next to me have you got? I have the snuzpod and I only realise now how horrifically hard the mattress is. I know they need to be firm, but her cot is loads better and she’s slept amazing since we moved her.

Indoctro · 06/05/2022 06:55

Baby wants his mum , I'd let him sleep with me. Both mine too till toddlers.

That said I'm a soft touch and still have a 7 year old in my bed most nights along with his 5 year old brother

But I see it as kids like to be close to you and they I'll eventually grow out of it

Can't see a 15 year old wanting to be in his mums bed.

Hugasauras · 06/05/2022 07:05

If he sleeps soundly all night in bed with you then I'd be doing that! I've always just done what gets everyone the most sleep. DD and I coslept for quite a long time and we all got so much glorious sleep, and she has now happily transitioned to her own bed and room in her own time.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/05/2022 08:11

Indoctro · 06/05/2022 06:55

Baby wants his mum , I'd let him sleep with me. Both mine too till toddlers.

That said I'm a soft touch and still have a 7 year old in my bed most nights along with his 5 year old brother

But I see it as kids like to be close to you and they I'll eventually grow out of it

Can't see a 15 year old wanting to be in his mums bed.

Each to their own but kids form
habits, it doesn’t mean they need to be next to you. If parents work, have other kids, or generally want their own life then separate rooms and distinct bed times are needed.

however baby is only 6 months- room for a cot in your room OP?

Yummymummy2020 · 06/05/2022 08:15

We are of the same attitude of some other posters, we do what it takes to get sleep. For us, we have an extra little person in the bed from about 3 am😂 I trust they will grow out of it eventually and it saves getting up and down to have to take them in anyway so suits us😂

ilovemykidsandgod1 · 06/05/2022 08:19

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KangarooKenny · 06/05/2022 08:30

I would end up co-sleeping at that age due to breast feeding, but they were in a cot at that age, and the cot was in their own room.

ladymaiasaura · 06/05/2022 08:34

Is there a reason you don't want him to sleep in your bed? I've never understood the obsession with getting babies to sleep alone (unless you are a smoker or there's another reason it wouldn't be safe, of course). He's only six months, still pretty helpless. It's natural that he wants to be close to you. That's where he feels safest. I would research safe bed sharing and just go with it. It won't be forever and I can almost guarantee you won't look back on his childhood and wish you had cuddled him less!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/05/2022 08:56

ladymaiasaura · 06/05/2022 08:34

Is there a reason you don't want him to sleep in your bed? I've never understood the obsession with getting babies to sleep alone (unless you are a smoker or there's another reason it wouldn't be safe, of course). He's only six months, still pretty helpless. It's natural that he wants to be close to you. That's where he feels safest. I would research safe bed sharing and just go with it. It won't be forever and I can almost guarantee you won't look back on his childhood and wish you had cuddled him less!

Very guilt tripping- plenty of reasons a parent may not want a child in their bed and it has nothing to do with wanting to cuddle them less. Not everyone is a stay at home mum with no other children, plenty of time, no friends or life of their own.

thingymaboob · 06/05/2022 09:23

ladymaiasaura · 06/05/2022 08:34

Is there a reason you don't want him to sleep in your bed? I've never understood the obsession with getting babies to sleep alone (unless you are a smoker or there's another reason it wouldn't be safe, of course). He's only six months, still pretty helpless. It's natural that he wants to be close to you. That's where he feels safest. I would research safe bed sharing and just go with it. It won't be forever and I can almost guarantee you won't look back on his childhood and wish you had cuddled him less!

I just hate posts like this, agree with PP - very guilt tripping. Sleeping in bed with a baby is not restful at all IMO

allalila · 06/05/2022 09:39

I'd get a firm mattress, remove pillows, use cellular blanket instead of duvet, and enjoy the cuddles while he's still small!

allalila · 06/05/2022 09:41

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/05/2022 08:56

Very guilt tripping- plenty of reasons a parent may not want a child in their bed and it has nothing to do with wanting to cuddle them less. Not everyone is a stay at home mum with no other children, plenty of time, no friends or life of their own.

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What! These are most definitely NOT preconditions for bed sharing.

Imabitbusyatthemoment · 06/05/2022 09:48

My 7 year old still comes into my bed. I say go with it. After far too long fighting it I learned that we all get more sleep if we just accept the situation. Of course it’s not AS restful as sleeping alone, but neither is being up all night trying to get your baby to stay in bed.
Now when DS doesn’t come in I miss him!

britneyisfree · 06/05/2022 09:50

Keep him in your bed safely. If you don't want to then sleep on baby's sheet for a night before he uses it to transfer your smell. It won't work for long, they clock on pretty quickly.

Don't kick him out of your room yet, he's still tiny

ladymaiasaura · 06/05/2022 09:50

Apologies if my post offended anyone. I wasn't trying to make anyone feel guilty for not bed sharing! I had the opposite and was made to feel I was doing the wrong thing by bringing baby into my bed. You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't!! That's motherhood!

OP, I was simply trying to offer some reassurance that it's ok to bed share if that's working for you as your post suggested you got more sleep that way. Obviously you are free to ignore me if it's not what you want to do. Either way I hope you find something that works for you.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I have more than one child. I work. I have friends. I have hobbies. Those are some crazy assumptions you're making there.

ladymaiasaura · 06/05/2022 10:05

@thingymaboob If bedsharing didn't work for you, what did? Attacking my post isn't going to help the OP. Sharing your experience might.

noborisno · 06/05/2022 10:23

This is why I co-slept. I realised I was distressing baby and myself trying to get her to sleep alone. I gave up. I slept with her until she was 2 then had to put in her own bed as she was feeding all night and I couldn't stand it any longer.

I'm glad I did that, she was happy, I was not sleep deprived, I was calmer.

It's always an option to go the other way. She will NOT be in your bed until she's 30 if you let her sleep with you.

They do always eventually want to sleep alone, and you never regret the nights you shared.

Sunnytwobridges · 06/05/2022 10:46

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/05/2022 08:56

Very guilt tripping- plenty of reasons a parent may not want a child in their bed and it has nothing to do with wanting to cuddle them less. Not everyone is a stay at home mum with no other children, plenty of time, no friends or life of their own.

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Agreed. I hate posts like this. Not everyone wants a baby sleeping in the bed with them. I cuddled my DD enough during the day. I needed time to myself at night.

TurquoiseSwirl · 06/05/2022 10:50

he sleeps all night in your bed, so as long as you sleep too then go for it. You don’t need to stress each other by moving him into his own room at the magic 6month mark. He won’t be sleeping in your bed at 17.
adult humans like to share a bed with a partner for connection, but a vulnerable small person we think is ok in a room on their own.
donwhatever gets you the most sleep now. Things change all the time

Eve1356 · 06/05/2022 10:57

I was in a similar situation with DS so decided to try him in his cot in his own room and he slept like a log! I was really surprised how much better he slept. I know all babies are different though

ladymaiasaura · 06/05/2022 11:04

@Sunnytwobridges So maybe you could share what worked for you to settle baby at night so OP has some things she can try if she doesn't want to bed share. It wasn't my intention to guilt trip anyone and I'm sorry if it cane across that way.

Indoctro · 06/05/2022 11:13

"Each to their own but kids form
habits, it doesn’t mean they need to be next to you. If parents work, have other kids, or generally want their own life then separate rooms and distinct bed times are needed."

I work , I have 2 kids and a life and my kids still like to snuggle in my bed during the night they are 5 and 7 and if they wake up they know they are allowed to come through to sleep with us.

I'm 42 and I still remember lying in bed at night in the dark being scared, it was horrible.

My kids tell me they get scared at night and I don't want them lying there feeling how I did. My husband also remembers being scared at night as a kid

They are only small for a short time, we like giving them that reassurance that we are here for them, so happy for them to come in if they want to. They will eventually grow out of it.

MajesticallyAwkward · 06/05/2022 11:15

Do you want to bedshare OP? That's really the starting point,

If you're happy to bedshare then go for it and get your sleep.

If you don't, what are you willing to do? Put baby in his own room? How do you feel about sleep training/self settling/CIO?

there are lots of options for you and it's down to where you want to start. You'll find lots of advice either way.

I bedshared with both dc because they just wouldn't settle in a next to me or cot, gentle sleep training didn't work and I didn't want to CIO. In with me was the only way anyone got sleep. both are fine now and only the 2.5yo still pops through for a cuddle some nights but that's phasing itself out, a few friends have also bedshared and found it the best way to get some sleep. However I know other parents who refuse to allow dc into their bed, some have sleep trained, it really is just what works for you.