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Sleep

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Ongoing sleep issues with 2 year old

10 replies

Motherhippo · 05/05/2022 05:19

I'm at a loss of what to do about my eldest DD (2 years 8 months)
She's been a crappy sleeper since birth and has continued into toddlerhood.
Ironically her sister (9.5 weeks) is a crappy napper but sleeps beautifully at night.

Tonight DD1 went to bed at 7pm. I sat with her for a little bit and then left to put some washing on. Told her I'd pop back and sit with her. By the time I'd put a wash on she was asleep. She woke up at about 10pm. Partner went into her, sat with her until she went to sleep. She maybe slept for another 30 minutes before waking again, I went into her. Again sat with her until she settled back to sleep. This time she only lasted about 10-15 minutes before waking up. At about 11:30pm partner said he'd sleep in bed with her. He eventually moved into our bed with her and I moved to the sofa since she would not settle. She stayed awake the whole time tossing and turning occasionally moaning and crying until at about 1:30am I'd had enough and took her onto the sofa. She stayed awake until 4am until partner came in and took her either into our bed or back into hers. I've heard no noise so I'm assuming she went to sleep. I'm so worked up and agitated (also have a painful ear infection) that I've been unable to get to sleep. All a bit pointless when she'll be waking up in an hours time to start the day.
I'm so sick of her being a crappy sleeper. I really don't know what the solution is. She is very head strong and stubborn so CIO would not work - we tried this when she was younger and she screamed from 7pm until early hours of the morning until we relented and picked her up (she went straight to sleep). She will not "tire herself out" with crying. It will just escalate to full on screaming and she can keep that up forever.
She sleeps in a bed not a cot (we thought this might help the sleep since she really hated her cot - it did not help)
She still has a nap in the morning around 10ish as she's tired from poor sleep. This can last from 30 minutes - 2 hours although they are gradually getting shorter in duration - I sense she'll be dropping the nap soon.
She co-sleeps beautifully but that means I'm stuck on the sofa. I cannot sleep in the same bed as her as she is too wriggly and wakes me up.
I just want her to sleep in her own bed without the frequent nighttime wakings. At her best she'd only have one or 2 wakings. This was irregardless as to how she fell asleep (independently or with someone sat with her). She's got a nightlight, her lullabies and a cup of water. I don't want to lie in bed with her as I'm worried it wouldn't take the extra weight. It's not fair for my beanpole of a partner to be cramped up in a toddler bed either.
I feel like I'd be such a better mum if I could get a better nights sleep. She'd be much happier too as (like her mother) she's a right grump when she's tired.

OP posts:
tothemoonandbackbuses · 05/05/2022 06:05

You shouldn’t be sleeping on the sofa with her as that’s dangerous.
I have a 4 year old who is a bad sleeper
he sleeps in a double bed so I can stay with him to get him to sleep at whatever time and then roll out.
I try to make sure he gets enough physical exercise during the day, limit screen time and other than that accept it.

thingymaboob · 05/05/2022 06:15

My now 4 year old did this (aged 2 at time). It was during first lockdown when her nursery closed and I'm a paramedic and was pretty tired / anxious about work. She was clearly anxious about the change. She could sense something was wrong. We bought a chair bed (like sofa bed)which we pulled out in her room and we took turns to sleep in there with her but always kept her in her bed, never in ours. She has never slept in our bed. It took about 4 months until we could leave her on her own again. Do you think she might be anxious?

sjxoxo · 05/05/2022 06:27

I’ve got no shared experience but wondered if you could try CIO again - or attempt a drastic change; I would consider keeping her awake as long as possible one day and then letting her crash out In the evening to try and restart the routine.. maybe on a holiday would be ideal time to attempt something like that. Alternatively get a lovely double bed for her room and start co sleeping in there!! Stop the sofa - this is the worst habit as it’s not a bedroom, not comfortable for you so worst of all worlds. Agree with pp that sleep should happen in her bedroom and only there. Would some sort of reward chart work for her- even if she spends time in her room not asleep but in bed listening to music or similar. sounds like she has real difficulty in falling asleep- could you try some guided kids meditation/yoga?? It is a learned skill to drift off on demand, maybe teaching her to get to a ‘relaxed’ place would help. You might be able to find a yoga class or online video you could do together to wind down and prepare for sleep. Good luck! Xxx

collieresponder88 · 05/05/2022 06:38

Iiiii

collieresponder88 · 05/05/2022 06:39

Oops sorry. I recommend watching the 3 day nanny on catch up I think it's on u tube. If you follow exactly what she says it will work but you can not back down !

collieresponder88 · 05/05/2022 06:40

It's called the back to bed routine

dontyoubother · 05/05/2022 07:09

Both mine have been bad sleepers. With DD1 I decided in the end to prioritise everyone getting a rest, so we coslept til she was 4. Not ideal, not what I wanted, but we were all rested. At 4 she was big enough and understood to sleep in her bed. I know you say she's wriggly but if your DH sleeps elsewhere (her bed?) and it's just you and DD in the bed I can't see how her wriggling would wake you.

Motherhippo · 05/05/2022 08:08

Thanks for the advice.
I would just like to say we/I don't normally take her to sleep on the sofa that was just an act of tired desperation as she had failed to sleep in her bed or ours.
Her room is small, too small for a single bed, much less a double. Especially since we've got a cot in there as well (awaiting DD2 when she's old enough)
I have become a VERY light sleeper since becoming a mum. If DD fusses in another room it rouses me, so yes her wiggling in bed would keep me up even if partner slept on the sofa.
I guess I'll just try again tonight and try and keep my eyes propped open with tooth picks today 🥱.
I'm definitely going to persevere with keeping her in her own room as I believe this is the first hurdle to overcome her sleeping in her own room. It's hard because my partner is a "path of least resistance" kind of guy. He normally "breaks" before I do, especially since he's got to function at work. Trying to spend more time outside as the weather hopefully improves. I'll try and watch the recommended video on YouTube tonight.

OP posts:
Motherhippo · 05/05/2022 08:10

I don't think she's anxious about anything. This has all stemmed from regression caused by the birth of her sister. But in every other way she has settled down except sleep which has always been her Achilles heel.
I think it's just going to have to be a sheer force of wills to try and get her to stay in her bed for the night. 😌

OP posts:
thingymaboob · 05/05/2022 10:12

Dismantle and move the cot until you're ready to move baby. Get a single mattress for the floor. The empty cot might be making her feel unsettled.

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