Just read Tracy Hogg and now i'm confused - advice pls - long, sorry

[Sufi]

DS1 is nearly 9wks old. lovely little chap, bf, co-sleeps, rarely cries. he goes to bed at 11pm, sleeps til 4am, wakes up a lot, fusses, back to sleep til 7am ish, feeds and then we both usually go back to sleep for a bit.

he has one nap during the day but sometimes doesn't sleep at all. he cluster feeds every hour from 5pm til bed, and fusses a lot in the evening.

now, was quite happy with all this til I started thinking about going out, going to gym, etc. am also fed up eating my dinner with one hand (as holding him in other!). a friend gave me the tracy hogg book and it's got me in a spin - basically, she says he should be feeding every 3-4 hours, NOT cluster feeding and napping much more - after every feed! and he should be going to bed at 7pm... !

feel like a bad mum and am totally confused. feel like i will never now get my evenings back unless i try and do a routine - but if DS is hungry, how can i?

is cluster feeding at this age still ok? should i grit my teeth and begin a routine, even if DS hates it? does it mean my milk is insufficient? does anyone have any advice?

here is a link about the 'hammock' style one which you might find useful as when they are used correctly they are excellent.

we also cluster fed for ages. And also she was just hopeless at lasting more than a couple of hours between feeds. theres no 'should' about it.

Sufi- are you me?
Our boys sound very similar -in age and habits (co-sleeping, carried etc). My DS is currently fast asleep in the Moby wrap, which we all love!
My DP also did not get on with the BW, in fact he threw the book across the room! That was after reading the breastfeeding section in which she pretends to be impartial and to help you make an informed choice without any 'statistical numwhack', whatever that may be.
I was getting a bit stressed about routine etc but we all seem to be happier just going with the flow. I'm really glad to see that you and the others on this thread feel the same

haven't had a chance to read other posts but would just say: only use a book if it seems to fit with what you are happy with at the moment and don't get caught up in the guilt trap! i vividly remember my ds being 2 weeks old and already feeling like a bad mum coz he didn't seem to be in a baby whisperer routine! Thik it took me a good few months to trust myself and wish i had done that a bit more now.. i have found having a routine helpful but will not be a slave to it next time! All the best

cheers kiskidee!

and thanks everyone for support xx

Tracey Hogg does mention cluster feeding in the evening being common. My DD also cluster fed quite regularly in the evenings.it does improve eventually. I found expressing late evening /early morning and giving it ion a bottle in the evening seemed to help. Still trying to keep BF going at 9 months! Good Luck. Nicky

BALLS to the Hogg.

People ask why our daughter doesn't to bed at 7 as if this is some Holy time......

Your baby hardly cries cos he's well chuffed he has a sensible Mum that listens to him rather than...'convention' ......

Well I found the BW a godsend with DD, as I was totally knackered from feeding all evening a baby who was both hungry and tired and wasn't sure what she needed more. I think her BF advice makes sense- I know I feel more satisfied from having 3 good meals a day than from having lots of little snacks. I did eventually get my evenings back (by 3 months?)- whether it was due to the BW or just something that would happen anyway, and I don't know many people who get their baby to bed before 11 or midnight in the first few months, so you are not unusual.

With DS we started a BW routine as soon as we got home from the hospital and although he was still cluster-feeding he did have a nominal bedtime around 6 or 7pm when we would wash him, put a clean babygro on and give him a good feed, and I'm sure it was due in part to the BW (and also in part to the fact that he's a very easy baby). It really helped us, as with having a DD it helped to be able to fit his feeds/naps into her routine too.

I just wanted to say that BW worked for me, but if it isn't helping you, then don't stress about it, and go with what works for you and baby.

and to ilovewashingnappies- i think 7pm is an excellent bedtime- just enough time to prepare tea and get in front of the telly for eastenders/ coronation street

True - but if someone kept telling you to put them to bed at another time you'd be pissed too eh?

All i can say is that the book saved my sanity, my marriage and my sleep. What i liked about the book is it isn't about schedules just routines. Within 3 days i had turned my twins around. i was always trying things late afternoon and evening but the book advised me to get the whole day in order and the evenings will sort themselves out. Sleeping and eating are so linked, once i had babies eating better they slept better when they slept better they ate better. The best thing was that i made a promise to myself to give it a good go for at least a week and i dedicated everything to the EASY programme, the twins wouldn't cluster feed so i didn't make them or get wound up i just went with the flow and everything fell into place the twins developed their own routines once i could read the signs better. But the one thing i will say is if it feels right to you then go with it.I now believe mum does know best but if the baby whisperer techniques don't feel right to you then they wont work.

Bin the book! It freaked me out too as I tried to fit ds into her world view and it wasn't happening. Every time I see a thread about BW I feel compelled to chip in as I think the same as Tapster and Kiskidee- she knows nada about breastfeeding. 'Accidental parenting' meaning if you don't follow my advise you are basically clueless and deserve all you get..grrr..

I'm glad to have seen this thread, thanks for posting it Sufi. I too have just read it and it made me feel totally confused and inadequate. My dd is 12 wks old now and I wanted some advice in how to settle her in the evenings. At the moment she won't go down for a nap independently from me and we co-sleep which works for now but I don't want it to go on forever. I have picked out the bits of the book that make sense to me like watching for sleep cues (this seems to be a common theme in quite a few books I've read) but I have decided to disregard the rest. I think there is too much pressure on us to have a routine too soon. We all need time to get used to our babies as they are individuals and have their own way of doing things. All the best with it Sufi.

I too started reading The Baby Whisperer...bad idea. It just caused me to feel anxious and like I wasn't doing a good job. I realized that I was trying to put my baby into a category like all other babies. My child, like yours is an individual with his own patterns. If someone tried to put me into the same "routine" as you or anybody else, I don't think I would like that very much. I am now following what my baby wants..playing, sleeping, feeding and I am discovering our own sort of pattern and routine. The bottom line...she doesn't know your baby or mine the way we know our babies. Throw the book away!!