Split sleeping advice please

[TinyDancer275]

Hi everyone, Hope you're all ok.

I have posted a few times now about sleep so apologies if you've read one of my posts before but really feel need some more advice.

So after searching mumsnet ( for a year and a half of horrendous sleep!), I finally found a thread on 'Split sleeping' and it was like the penny finally dropped. This is what my daughter has been doing for the past year and a half!!

She's awake on average 3-4 hours pretty every single night. Then randomly she might sleep through one or two nights, and you start thinking oh wow! - and then the next night is horrendous.

She head bangs and was banging against her cot for hours. You would go in, lie her back down and then after a while ( or instantly), the banging and crying would resume. Nothing I did would really stop her. She would initially calm down if I went in, then would start again even if I was next to her.

I resorted to bringing her in with me when she started ( after about a year) and again, would be happy initially, then just cry and bang, basically trying to get back to sleep. Then when she finally would go to sleep,I'd be wide awake , anxious trying not to move,so I would just get up.

So we decided to get her a double bed ( padded headboard) so that I can go in with her when she wakes, then eventually sneak out.

But , I guess I'm just asking because im desperate. She still wakes, nothing I do can change it.
Last night was awake 1 am till 5 am tossing turning, throwing her bunny out. I woke initially to her headbutting the wall, as she obviously can now get out.
But at least she stays in the bed when I'm next to her qnd only bangs on the mattress.
I don't really feel like I can leave her as she will just get out and bang the walls or door, so that means lying next to her, whilst she's awake for 4 hours , every night.

I really hope i Haven't made it worse but i feel even more tired than before and just feeling very down / disheartened by it all.

Just wondering if anyone else has been through anything similar, split nights, any advice, did they grow out of it xx

How old is she? What time is bedtime/get up time? Does she still nap?

I have the exact same thing with my 17 month old DD OP, interested to see what people come back with.

It's killing me and far more exhausting than the adrenaline newborn days and the sleep regressions (for me anyway,) as now I have to her up for work. At a total loss!

For us making the day time nap much earlier in the day and supper before bed helped.

My lo does split nights when she's overtired. What's your daily routine ?

Hi ladies

Sorry for my late reply and thank you for all your replies!!

@Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas @ChittyBang1987 She is 2.5 years old . She wakes, well after being up for 4 hours, usually at 8.30, sometimes layer at the weekend but never after 9. Depends what we are having to do that day.
She does nap yes. On average 2 hours, 1-3pm, then I do the school run.
Then bedtime tends to be 8-8.30.
I feel like I've tried everything, so shortening the nap, earlier bedtime, later bedtime etc. A few days we tried no naps in the day and she was just as bad at night, so I thought we might as well have a day nap as it's my only time to catch up!
Ooh that's interesting I might try an earlier nap then and supper.

@GeminiTwin oh hope you're OK.... it really is awful isn't it!! I feel your pain. I hopewe get some answers soon!!
I have been considering giving up work but I know I need to go for my own sanity. But its pretty hard leaving 7.20 in morning when you've been up most of the night 😒
Xx

I'm a little surprised a 2.5 Yr old is napping at all... Have you tried skipping it (and doing it for a week or so)??

For a 2.5 year old. I wouldn't expect a nap..... most people I know who have 2.5 year old don't have a nap.
Have you tried grow clock?
As harsh as it sounds ignoring her? If she gets out and moving around taking her straight to bed, not saying a word and putting her in bed and walking back out?

Any changes made can take a few weeks to take effect.

I would just drop the nap and bring bedtime earlier.

Skip the nap consistently. I found if DS had a 5 minute nap in the day he would be awake hours. He was still an early walker, 6.30 but would be asleep at 7 pm

She is having far too much daytime sleep. Her overall sleep in 24 hrs is fine but it’s not properly distributed. This will cause major issues when she starts school so definitely get it sorted.
Wake her up at 7am every single morning without exception. This is a really important thing to reset her body clock. No lie ins. This is regardless of how much nighttime sleep she has had.
Nap of max 1 hr at 1pm, ideally 45 mins. You are looking to drop this nap over the next 6 months.
Bedtime 7pm no exceptions. Sleep in a completely dark room ie full blackout. This is also very important to reset her body clock and aid melatonin production.
Plenty of fresh air and exercise, good diet and minimise screens after 5pm.
Also try and cut back on milk to the minimum.

Thank you so much for all your replies. I feel really overwhelmed today, we've had a bad night and awful morning.

I feel like I've done everything but you're right, perhaps it's not been consistently. I just want her to be happy and healthy and know she is struggling in the day because of it.
@LapinR0se thank you , I appreciate that, I think iv been letting her sleep till 8.30/9 because when she's been not going to sleep till 6 am, it just means she gets a few hours in, if say we have to go somewhere. But I totally get that then she's having a top up. Ahhh it all gets so confusing! Im going to do what you said though, thank you. So 45 mins nap at 1pm.

@itsmeagainlol thank you. That's interesting
We have tried skipping the nap before but only a few days and it seemed to make it worse ( so took ages to go to sleep and then awake 4 hours in the night) , but having said that, I haven't tried it consistently. I think I will shorten her nap to 45mins and then see how that goes?

@Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas thank you. We have tried this before but I'm willing to try again!

@ChittyBang1987 thank you. Yes I think she's napping too much....I did do the whole going in, putting back, saying nothing, for ages, but she wouldn't go to sleep, just bang and cry at intervals. Even if I lay with her , she doesn't go to sleep.

So last night she woke at 2 am to her headbutting the door. I went in, put her in bed, left room. She was fine but then started again. So I did the same. Then after about 5 mins started again. She'd woken my elder daughter up by this point.
After an hour of going in, putting back, I went in to lay next to her and she was happy. She then spent the next 3 hours just hand flapping and kind of making murmuring noises
Just repeatedly for 3 hours until she got so tired and upset that the banging started again and she finally fell asleep at 6.

I haven't tried a gro clock as genuine don't think she'd understand/ follow it,but its worth a try!

@Supersnot123 thank you :) I haven't tried dropping the Nap consistently, just one off here and there. But may be the way forward x

I would say it takes about 2 weeks to get used to a nap change so you need to give it at least that long.

Download the appropriate Just Chill Mamma programme for her age and follow it. My baby just fell into her routine like it was made for him and now we don’t have this issue. She also has specific advice for this issue too.

@Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas oh OK right ill stick with it then, thank you

@HotDogKetchup I'll have a look now!!

@TinyDancer275 Hey how are things going? My daughter is a split sleeper and just seeing if your daughter is any better xx

Hi @Suzywooo

Oh no sorry you are going through this too!

How old is your daughter?

Unfortunately we are still in the same position. Although my daughter is in a double bed now and the evenings do seem to be better as she messes about/ gets out a bit but then usually goes back to sleep, do the banging is only a little bit.

However she does wake every night on average 4 hours still, then an odd occasional sleep through. It's rubbish

I really hope that you can find some answers!! And hope you're ok as I know it's tough!!

Xx