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Original poster

5yo dd driving me spare - she WILL not stay in her bed - all advice gratefully received <pleading emoticon>

38 replies

CountessDracula · 10/01/2008 10:21

DD has always been a pretty good sleeper other than when ill. For the past month or two she has been waking in the night and coming in to bed with us. I just cannot sleep with her squirming around next to me. We sleep in the loft and I hate carrying her down the stairs in the night as she is so heavy and I worry I will slip or drop her (stairs are steep) and dh can?t do it as he has a very bad back. So it?s either wake her up and make her walk down (result ? dd awake and screaming and crying for ages ? no sleep for us) or leave her in our bed (result ? dd asleep, dh and I awake due to her snorting and squirming and kicking off the duvet etc)

I have tried being very firm. I have tried saying no. All of which results in screaming and crying, have waited over half an hour for it to stop to no avail.

I am really at my wits? end. I am knackered and snappy with dd because of it. I have tried star charts, rewards, threats of removal of treats etc etc. Nothing seems to work. I have explained that when I am tired I am grumpy and that this is directly related to her getting into our bed. I just don?t know what to do next other than go and sleep in the spare room which is not addressing the problem at all!

OP posts:
Scootergrrrl · 10/01/2008 10:24

As a short term measure, to help you get some sleep, you could try making up a little nest out of duvets or whatever on the floor next to your bed. You then tell her she's allowed to come up and get into her special bed if she's lonely or whatever but not into yours. If she gets into yours - and this might be the stumbling block - she is immediately back in her own bed. Then you might have a bit more sleep and the energy to try something more permanent in a while.

Clary · 10/01/2008 10:25

CD I had despaired of persuading DD to stop sucking her thumb (she is 6).

Finally last summer I bribed her with total pay dirt - 50p a day or £5 for a week. We spent a walk to the shops working out which deal was better

Would you believe that it worked? She was so excited to get the folding piece of paper after a week.

What I am trying to say is that if she knows she is doing it and can stop (like DD with the thumb - which I had thought was almost automatic but evidently wasn't) then would this kind of blatant bribery work? Is she old enough?

(I have no shame about the bribery btw )

Oliveoil · 10/01/2008 10:26

ooooh, dd1 has started doing this in the past couple of weeks

doesn't sleep in our bed but comes in with weird complaints - covers scrunched, can't find teddy, cold feet etc

I have to take her back to her room, settle her down

about 4 times a night

I put it down to the lack of routine over Xmas and going back to school

is she worried about anything, any change at home etc

Original poster
CountessDracula · 10/01/2008 10:28

I don't think so olive (other than a grumpier than usual mother )

She started school in Sept but this problem started in Dec really. I think you are right about the xmas routine thing.

The othe prob we have is she will not go to sleep! 9.45 last night...

She just doesn't seem tired.

OP posts:
Twinkie1 · 10/01/2008 10:29

It will take a week and a few sleepless nights but you have to be firm taking her back to bed - ignore the screaming and crying she is old enough to know what she is doing and she knows that if she carries it on she will get her own way.

I would perhaps threaten buying a baby gate if she cannot be trusted to stay in her own bed - DD is 3 and it works with him!

And as Clary says reward her with money and tell her that on Saturday you will take her out n her own to spend it and maybe have a coffee and a sticky bun somewhere.

Good Luck, it is hard for a short period of time but the rewards - a good nights sleep is a good enough incentive for you.

Dinosaur · 10/01/2008 10:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Oliveoil · 10/01/2008 10:31

I said to dd1 that it had to stop but then she said 'but I need you in the night mummy sometimes'

only once last night though

I agree with the bribery thing, if you stay in your room all week we can go to the cinema (or whatever)

Baffy · 10/01/2008 10:31

I was going to suggest the same as Scootergrrrl
Sounds like a good temporary measure

I too have a lo who just doesn't seem tired anymore - 9 or 10pm when he finally goes off some nights at the moment.
Am putting it down to Christmas / change of routine etc.
And keep telling myself it's just a phase

Original poster
CountessDracula · 10/01/2008 10:35

And dh wants ANOTHER one of these things
I said to him last night at 4am when she was wailing "Are you really serious - imagine this plus a newborn..." He looked less than convinced I must say

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Original poster
CountessDracula · 10/01/2008 10:37

OK so plan

Put her in bed and refuse to go up for just one more last kiss even if screaming.

If she wakes up march back to bed and put earplugs in

Buy her a night light

Bribe with a fiver to spend on whatever she wants (not sure she really gets money yet)

Do a new star chart

Move out to a hotel for a while and let dh deal (only kidding dh...)(not)

OP posts:
FooFooTheSnoo · 10/01/2008 10:41

My dd is doing this - she started school in September too. To be honest I am going with the flow. If she turns up one of us decamps to her bed - that way we all manage to sleep. I am sure it is a phase and will pass.

DD is very different to older ds and will get herself into a complete tear stained state and dealing with that in middle of the night is dreadful. I think she has a lot going on in her head at the moment and it disturbs her sleep - and she wants comfort.

FooFooTheSnoo · 10/01/2008 10:41

She does start the night in her own bed though - we bought some fairy lights and they stay on which dd seem to work for a while....

Oliveoil · 10/01/2008 10:41

lol at another one

(dd2 had Medised last night due to her being a major pain, ahem)

Definitley night light, both mine have them
Bribes
Explain how it is making you tired and grumpy and it would be lovely if she could stay in her bed (this works with dd1 and she is eager to please!)

Can you do extra special bedtimes? Bubbly bath with extra time in it, extra story, "lots of fun for big girls that stay in their rooms!

FooFooTheSnoo · 10/01/2008 10:43

Also check they are not cold - especially if the waking is at a similar time.

Niecie · 10/01/2008 10:44

My DS was like this at 5 and took ages to stop even though we were putting him back in his bed every night. He did get upset sometimes but we just sat with him until he went back to sleep. It last about 5 months and I think in the end he did give in to bribery and star charts but he didn't initially. It seems to become a bad habit and last about 5 months.

I think at the age of 5 their fear of the dark and of bad dreams is at the peak although DS would rarely admit what was waking him.

How about getting your strength back by giving into the spare room option for a couple of nights and then just gritting your teeth and walking her back, everytime she comes in. It is more killing than CC when it goes on for ages and harder because you think they should understand why they are being so unreasonable and they either don't get it or don't care!

Not much help I'm afraid but just keep reciting the mantra 'it is all a phase'...

Oliveoil · 10/01/2008 10:45
Dinosaur · 10/01/2008 10:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Oliveoil · 10/01/2008 10:47

oh they look fab Dino!

dd2's room gets cold as it sticks out from the rest of the house and I can predict when she will come in our room from the weather

Niecie · 10/01/2008 10:48

How about a dream catcher? I have read somewhere they work for some children although I have to say that they didn't work for DS. Assuming of course that she has said she has bad dreams.

Original poster
CountessDracula · 10/01/2008 10:52

She does have a couple of lamb hot water bottles. maybe I should put one in her bed when we go to bed then it would keep her warm. She does claim to be cold sometimes but she has a v warm duvet but kicks it off. Maybe I should get her a giant gro-bag?!

She never says she has had nightmares but says that she is lonely and wants to be with us (understandable but annoying)

I did suggest moving the dog into her room last night in desperation but dh said no!

OP posts:
Original poster
CountessDracula · 10/01/2008 10:54

any night light recommendations?

She has fairy lights but they are quite bright and I turn them off when she goes to bed

OP posts:
Original poster
CountessDracula · 10/01/2008 10:54

i mean when we go to bed

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Oliveoil · 10/01/2008 10:54

dd2 used to kick her covers off so now I have jammed one side of the duvet to the wall with teddies

off to do some work now, will be back

Oliveoil · 10/01/2008 10:56

we have these, think we got our from Sainsburys though, cheaper

they fade out to nothing if you want, or I just leave them on low all night

bundle · 10/01/2008 10:56

cd, we have some of these from ikea, rechargeable and not too bright (we have red and green ones but they do have blue and yellow i think)