2 yr old - Battles at Bedtime

[Dithering]

aaaggghhh!

My DD used to be a bad sleeper then eventually everything calmed down but here we go again.......

Every bedtime is a nightmare. It is taking ages to get her to give in and go to sleep. Until a just a few weeks ago she would say "night night" and roll over but now its taking over an hour. Sometimes she stops crying and laughs when I go back to her, other times she'll start talking about something trivial e.g. "got no socks on" or she'll just keep crying and/or shouting.
I don't know whats changed. I've tried various things e.g. talk to her, don't talk to her, pick up her, don't pick her up, go back in straight away, try to ignore her etc etc. I KNOW - you're shouting BE CONSISTENT and I would if I knew if anything had seemed to make an ounce of difference. The only thing which occassionaly works is leaving the door open or saying I'll come back in a minute and/or that I'll come back with more milk. At which point she calms down, rolls over and goes to sleep almost immediately.
It seems to be just ME she wants and won't even settle for DH when she always used to.

Could it be daytime naps? I let her nap for 1-1.5hrs before I wake her up. I've started waking up her by 3pm and aim to put her to bed at 8pm.

Could it be seperation anxiety? Isn't she too old for this?

I really don't want to do CC - I've avoided it so far.

Once she's asleep she goes right through.

Any ideas? PLEASE!

BTW - I resolved past problems by putting her to bed later (leaving a bigger gap after lunctime nap) and leaving a night light on. BINGO - within a week.

hoping someone will have some bright ideas this morning - i'm already dreading tonight

Why don't you try and put her down, leave the door and the light on and do some housework (??!!) just so that she knows you are there and can see/hear you. If she calls out just tell her calmly that it is bed time but that mummy is here. If anything you will end up with a nice tidy house!!

You're not me are you Dithering - I don;t have an undiagnosed multiple personality disorder?

1-1.5 hr nap is not too long to interfere with night sleep at 2 unless she really is ready to give up a nap althogether, according to "the no cry sleep solutions" book , there's no point napping for less than an hour. I would absolutely get her up by three though, I think any later is too late if she's having bedtime problems.

I think myu DS (was 2 in Nov) is having separation anxiety and its not too late for children to go throguh phases of it well into their pre-school years.

I start bed-time routine at 7pm with a bath and aim to put in bed by 8pm, but DS is rarely asleep before 9pm and its doing my head in! He's also tired when he wakes up at 7am which isn;t right (or normal for him).

I have started lying down in my bed with him to gethim to sleep and then moving him. Last night I had to hold his eyes shut at 8.45 which did eventually work!

Do you work? Because I do and I think DS got used to having me around full time over Xmas and hence separation anxiety now things are back to normal.

I think its a phase and will pass.

Get the book btw - you will recognise a lot of what you're saying as the signs of classic separation anxiety

Thanks so much for replying.

We could be the same person kewcumber - I'm so tired I'm not sure who I am anymore

karen999 - I'm not sure things are so bad that it calls for me to do the housework! but i do think you have a good point.

I don't work, which is probably part of the problem - she's having too much fun with me during the day and doesn't want it to stop!

My gut feeling was that its either the nap or seperation anxiety. I don't want to give up the daytime nap yet so its reassuring to hear that she's not necessarily ready either.
So now I think it probably is seperation anxiety. I do have the "no cry..." book already but get so impatient I tend to throw it down if it doesn't tell me what I want to hear! The book doesn't say very much but it has helped a little as has writing this thread because its making me think more clearly about things.
I think I need to start winding down to bed earlier and take it slower. I need to spend more time chatting to her about her day rather than marching around saying..."bath...wash teeth...story...bottle...". I think part of me wants to get her into bed so we can start the battle sooner and hopefully get it over with sooner . Sounds mental I know.
But as my DH says, I've ALWAYS gone back into reassure her, I've never left her so it is hard to understand why she should think I'm leaving her now - unless it is that she's simply not ready to go to bed and wants to play.

I just wish I knew what started it all off. It's been going on since before Christmas so I can't blame it on that?

I'd love to hear any tales of succeddfully getting through this - i'm tempted to sit in the room for a while but at the same time worried that she'll always expect it and there'll be another battle ahead of us.

Thanks again!

I have resorted to lying down with him - he doesn;t go to sleep any quicker but it avoids the tears/tantrums/dummy throwing/giggling etc etc. Have decided to wean him off it when sleep patterns have reverted a bit. I have done it beofre about 9 months ago and didn;t find it too hard to revert.

Best advice I got from the book was the paragraph on keeping your sense of humour! ABout this too will pass and when they are teenagers and don't want you within a mile of them then you will miss this age when they couldn't bear to be apart from you...

Sleep 9pm last night awake again at 4.30am though back to sleep pretty quickly.

you thin knot working is part of the problem, I think working is part of the problem! It's just a phase, it will wear off, be sensible and consistent and this too shall pass...

We can hold hands while we do it!

Oh my god, I could just so have written this post...! DS2 is absolutely the same. Long wind down, then put him down in his cot, give him a kiss and close the door and that was it. Then suddenly, one day, about six weeks ago.... put him in his cot, give him a kiss, close the door and he's standing up with a massive waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarggghhhhh mummeeeeeeeeee daaadeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! And ever since... occasionally he goes down fine, but it's a rarity - would love to hear any ideas. Am currently searching "child duct tape sleep solutions" on google...!

well its good to know its not just me. if its just a phase how long will it last!!?!!?!? i tried to be such a good mummy last night - LOTS of wind down, stories, cuddles - said goodnight to all of the teddies. Didn't seem to make a scrap of difference and to cap it all she woke up really early. We've got people staying so i had to stayin the room with her so she didn't wake the whole house up. After throwing her teddies at me and me saying REALLY firmly MUMMY SLEEP, BABY SLEEP she looked really shocked and drifted back to sleep with me lying on the floor next to her.

She kicked off a litte at nap time but went to sleep after chatting to teddies for a while.

I'm not sure if its got anything to do with things but it dawned on my earlier that she has been getting alot bossier recently and we laugh because its funny.e.g. Mummy sit there..and I do! Maybe if I try to readdress the balance during the day then she'll take more notice of me at bedtime?
Have been trying so hard not to raise a brat but maybe this is how it starts and it isn't so funny after all.

lets see what panto performance tonight brings...she's going to sleep..OH NO SHE ISN'T

it is so good to know that i'm not the only nutter doing this sort of thing! g is 19 months and is also getting very bossy - i've been told since she was 5 weeks old i had to be more assertive with her, - so maybe you've got something there.

g doesn't nap at nursery and generally only has one with me when we're in the car so you would have thought she'd be exhausted by 8pm! - but she seems to be able to keep going and going and going.... she was awful with the change of routine at christmas but i cling on to our few 'good' nights recently.

having said that she's starting to kick off ... got to go!

well DS had no nap today but still didn;t go to sleep until 8.30 (though that is 30 mins earlier than it had been). I said in his room cuddling him in the semi-dark with classical music on the radio and every time he said "mumeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" I said "shush mummy is listening to the music, close your eyes". It did seem to work but it was probably because he had no nap...

Will try again tomorrow and if that works then I will start trying to wind it back by 10 mins a day.

Fingers crossed.

Actually I do genuinely think its a phase which (like all the others) will pass.