14 week old cosleeping to crib and early sleep regression

[Musasmummy]

Hi All,
I am new here and I’m desperate need of advice. My little boy is 14 weeks old and has been co sleeping from the beginning as when me and my husband bought him home and tried to put him in his snuzpod his crying was really distressing us as he wouldn’t settle. So he’s been sleeping on the crook of my arm/shoulder since then. I’ve tried swaddling, warming the crib, feeding to sleep with me in the crib with him, leaving my shirt in there all to no avail. The problem is my arms are becoming more and more dead as he gets bigger and he will not settle in our bed without laying on me. Also my relationship with my husband is really suffering and he thinks I should leave him in the crib to cry himself to sleep so he learns that’s his bed. I really feel distressed at the thought of that. I also would like to have him sleep in his own crib and for us to have our small double bed back which is already tight for space with me and my partner. I tried to do the no cry sleep method with him so kept picking him up if he cried and then put him back down but it resulted in screams and a nightmare of a night.

For the last two weeks he has been waking up hourly every night not needing to feed just crying and needing to be rocked to sleep. Daytime naps have gone out the window as he will no longer nap in his swing only in my arms for 30mins-1hr at a time and as soon as I get up to put him down he wakes up. I’m assuming this is an early sleep regression?

sorry for the essay please help me as my mil and mother keep saying I’m making a rod for my own back etc. How can I transition my baby from co sleeping to his crib ?!!

I feel so isolated in what I’m going through I feel like I’ve been digging deep on the internet to not be able to find a solution

we have a 6 month old and I could have written your post. He refused to sleep unless held and it’s only recently started getting better. What I will say is 14 weeks is so very little, he’s barely out of the fourth trimester. If I were you, I’d look into safe co sleeping and move your husband into the spare room (if you have one of course). I know you want your relationship back and it will come back, but not yet.

how do YOU feel about co sleeping? Take your husband out of the situation because it seems to me (and sorry if I’m mistaken) that your husband is the driving force behind this and rather than you wanting things to change, he’s pushing ‘fixing’ this.

what we do now is put baby in his crib for naps he wakes after half an hour, every time. We re put his dummy in, he still doesn’t settle 90% of the time, so we hold him until he falls asleep again and then transfer back to cot. We do this for naps, for the night my husband just slept in the spare room and I got a next to me crib and just put him in there repeatedly, picking up if he cried and again letting him fall asleep on me and repeating this. I do weekdays (on maternity) and then on weekends we swap and my husband does weekends and I get some sleep. Would that work for you?

Also, it is so very common to feel isolated. Please reach out to a friend, health visitor, gp, anyone, if you feel like you need to talk. Drop me a DM if you’d rather talk to a stranger, the early months can be very overwhelming, be kind to yourself.

What really worked for me was pick-up-put down, not sure if that's the same as what you have tried.

Basically I would put my daughter in her crib drowsy but awake, and as soon and she started crying would pick her up to cuddle/soothe her. As soon as she was calm/relaxed (but very importantly NOT asleep), I would put her back down. She would usually start crying again immediately and so I would do the same again, and continue over and over until she would eventually just grumble a bit when I put her down and go to sleep. It took about 15 put-downs each time to begin with (so possibly as many as 100x through the course of the first night) but I was completely consistent in doing this every single time and gradually over about 2 weeks the number of put-downs decreased until eventually I could put her down and she would accept it first time. It does take stamina and complete commitment as if you are at all inconsistent it won't work.

With this technique I never had to leave her to cry for even a second, there was no restriction on when/ how much I could sooth her. She still wakes up regularly overnight and will cry for me if she needs her nappy changed, is hungry, just wants a cuddle etc, but what she doesn't do is cry purely on the basis that she is in her cot/ doesn't want to be put down as she knows that doesn't really pay off.

@pbdr what age did you do pupd please?

Started at about 4 months. She is now 6 months and I put her down awake every time and seldom need to pick her up again before she's asleep. She still wakes up wanting to breastfeed several times per night but it is much less problematic when I can give her a quick feed and get her back down within 5-10 mins, whereas before every wake up was a 1+ hour battle.

@pbdr thanks for reply and sorry for hijacking the thread OP. Sounds like a good method. Time consuming at first but good. Like cuddling aspect. Did controlled crying with my first but at 10 months but need to do something earlier this time!

Tbh as much as I’d love to cosleep with him forever I really want my own sleeping space back too. I spent half of my pregnancy sleeping sitting up and now cosleeping right after has given me huge knots in my upper back and pain in my shoulders and neck. My husband also has to physically sit up and turn around when he wants to turn over in bed. Unfortunately we live in a small studioish flat so the snuzpod is already taking up valuable space and i have no option to make my husband sleep elsewhere as we only have a two seater sofa..

Im going to give it a go putting him down for naps in the crib but do you recommend doing it after he’s out of this sleep regression ?

Thank you I really appreciate your reply. This is what I supposedly tried however I had tried to put him in there after feeding him to sleep and waiting for him to be in a deep sleep. When he woke I picked him up but as soon I put him down after he had calmed down it turned into full on screams. I gave up for the night and chose to enjoy the peace instead, but I think I need to do as you are saying and be consistent with it.
do you think I should start this once he’s out of sleep regression ? And how do I know he’s out of it

It's really important that he is awake every time you put him down as the idea is for him to learn to accept his cot and learn to go to sleep by himself in it and that won't happen if you are covertly sneaking him in once he is asleep.
I wouldn't wait out the sleep regression as regressions can last a very long time and some kids don't get out of them without some help. PUPD is a bit stressful and exhausting for you both while you're in the thick of it but I think it is so worth it, both of us are getting so much more sleep and bedtime is so much less stressful.