Help - little one going to bed early after Nursey

[carrotcruncher81]

Hi everyone!

I need a bit of advice. My son is 13 months and has been going to nursery for 4 weeks as I wanted to settle him before I went back to work.

The nursery are great and they've really tried to stick to my routine and awake times, but he's waking up at 2 from his afternoon nap which means he is asleep by 6/6:30. That's fine (although he's never been a baby that sleeps through the night, so it's causing a few issues atm) hopefully they'll settle down, but my biggest worry is the fact I won't get back from work until latest 6:30 as partner will have to collect him at 5:00. He has NEVER put him to bed or done any of the night time routine (rarely bathed him) as he's had crazy hours for months, so it's been hard for him. I'm so worried my LO is going to be so over tired by the time I get home as I breast feed him before he goes to sleep and I worry I'm not going to be home in time. If he could just sleep until 3 it would really help, but alas it's not happening.

Apologies for the waffle, but am wondering if there is anyone who has/is in the same/similar situation that can offer some advice. Thankfully it's only 3 days a week 🙌🏻 but it's causing me so much angst.

Also, is 6:00/6:30 too early for him? He wakes up around 5:00/6:00 but sleep is often broken at the moment and I'm up a couple of times in the night and often he is not going back down in cot, so some separation anxiety issues there maybe?

He's also still on 2 naps.

So much easier said than done but please try not to worry. You might have a tricky week or so where he’s overtired after nursery but his sleep and nap times will probably just align with this routine. I would focus more on the transition to your partner collecting him and getting him ready for bed as this is likely to be more unsettling if not prepared for

Thank you @Sponge19 do you think he will be ok to be kept up a little longer for me to get home if need be? From 4 hours to pushing 4.5/5?

The upside is, my partner does take him some mornings and has that routine and it works, but this is going to be so new. We wanted to try and get my partner to pick him up during this 4 weeks, but it's just not happened. I want to ask work if I can leave earlier and I'm sure they'd be fine, but I feel wrong asking!

Your partner needs to learn how to put his own child to bed. Presumably he's not breastfed to sleep at nursery, so he can go off without it. Keeping him up when he's exhausted is cruel, IMO, and is likely to make night time sleep worse due to over tiredness.

I would say keep him up til you get home. If your husband is picking him up at 5 is he still to get dinner and a bath? Surely that'll take until you get in, you can be presented with a nice clean baby to feed and put down. Agree he'll need to learn to put the baby to bed at some point but if feeding him is what's working now then I'd be sticking with it. It's a nice chance to reconnect with DS after a day apart too. Plus a chance to relieve your boobs without the faff of pumping. It won't be too long before he's down to one nap and will manage much longer stretches awake. They adapt very quickly! My son is 12m and would usually nap at 9 and then 1ish for an hour each, so up from 2 until bedtime between 6.30 and 7 and that works fine. He then sleeps in til 5 or 6. With my daughter I panicked a lot more about keeping to a precise routine but I guess with a second you've got more people to keep happy and routine matters slightly less and I wouldn't say my son is any worse for it.

Haven't read other replies, but I would try not to worry, and put him to bed as soon as he needs it, ie 6-6:30. I wouldn't leave him up so you can spend more time with him / wait for husband too.

My boy is also 13 months and is totally exhausted after nursery. Tonight we started bathtime as soon as we walked through the door, and he was so so tired I thought his head would fall off.

Don't forget the older he gets and the more used to nursery he gets he will be able to stay up longer. I'm no expert as my kid is same age as yours but only thing i would say is let him go to sleep when he needs - you do not want an overtired baby

@csectionmumma

Yes, you're right. My husband keeps telling me not to worry and he will do just fine, but I've been used to this routine for 13 months and so has my LO.

I had to laugh at 'thought his head was going to fall off'

Yes, I keep saying that to myself about less naps and longer awake times 🙌🏻🙌🏻 xx

@apocketfullofposies oh this really would be the dream for me. All of what you've said would be so perfect, but I just don't know if he would stay awake that long. I feel so upset about potentially not seeing him either!

I wish I'd asked work earlier to make a set time of leaving earlier for the first few months. To be honest, work is super relaxed so I know it shouldn't be a problem, but it's the thought. If I could just get home to do that snuggle and feed I'd be so happy! Xx

@apocketfullofposies also I suppose with 2 you don't have a choice, so you just have to go with it right?!!

Honestly just relax

I was all stressed at the beginning of nursery - my daughter started at 10 months and same thing was happening and the. Early wakings we’re happening

I’ve just started to go with the flow on nursery days now and let her go to bed early if she’s tired ! I just go to bed earlier too and somehow manage to function the next day

You do have to share doing bedtime though

At 13 months he Doesn’t necessarily need that breastfeed before he goes to sleep anyway if you miss it once he’s had enough food

My little girl same age usually has her milk before bed but sometimes I go out after work with friends or something so I’m not there to feed her ! She just has a snack and some water 🤷‍♀️

@Fupoffyagrasshole I know you're so right. It's just a huge change you know? I really enjoy giving him that feed at night knowing we've had our little bond. He eats his 4 meals a day at nursery (lol) and has a banana and some bits like that if he's hungry before bed.

Arrrggghhhh I never knew all of this would be so hard 😞

It is still early Days! My first month wasn’t great 🙈 but now We are nearly 3 months in and I’ve just gotten more and more relaxed ! It’s definitely a learning curve :) and now she’s loving it there and seems so happy and I think that her being so tired in the evening is a sign she has a fun packed day

It feels insurmountable to begin with but in a few weeks you'll be in the swing of things and wonder why you were ever in such a flap. I went back to work 2 months ago and was planning every single day with military precision and stressing about missed feeds etc but he's survived, my boobs have survived. We have an elaborate web of granny/nursery childcare and on his nursery day he is absolutely shattered when he gets home but that feed before bed is the sweetest of the week.

Others are saying don't let him get overtired but I'd disagree, I think getting the reconnect with him is worth it for both of you. Surely DH can manage to distract him for an hour before you get home!

@Fupoffyagrasshole

If I'm honest he's adapted so well at Nursery, so in that respect I'm super happy! Its just this issue with a potentially new routine 😱

Like you say you've gotten more relaxed and I suppose it just becomes another routine/chapter doesn't it? X

Oh bless you OP, it's such a huge change. I remember DS's first week at nursery so vividly and he's 17 next week!!

I would say if DH can pick him up, get some food in him and bath him, he'll either then be able to put him down or you'll get home just in time for that final snuggle. It will all work itself out, and then it will change again, because that's what it's like at this stage. Cut yourself some slack and just try to go with the flow, I know it's hard though!

@MaChienEstUnDick

Thank you for such a kind response. I'll most try and go with the flow - promise.

I think it's so much better to talk about these things!

Wow 17 - I bet you have some stories to tell.

Xx

Oh wow, I could have written this. I just started work for the last couple of weeks. I come through the door at 730pm. sometime a bit earlier. At nursery, my lo barely sleeps and only has one nap.

To be honest, we try not to put her to bed too early as we're get early waking. It has been known that my oh has given her 10-minute cap nap at 4 to 5 in that time to get her through. I don't know if it's right but works for us atm and only done a couple of times.

She has gone from 1 pm to 130pm to 730pm a few times and isn't too bad. I think it helps on my days off. I let her catch up with her sleep. Give lo some extra, stops overtiredness.

I found it's a hard adjustment, but you get used to it quickly, and soon, your lo will be staying up 5 to 6 hours soon. Give it a go and see what happens, I would say. Before you go back to work and see if the odd day of being awake 5 hours makes lo too overtired?

@ChittyBang1987

Someone who feels my pain, ha.

Agree with the little top up nap as nursery was doing this for a while, but worry it would mess with the 2 nap routine. He sleeps well at nursery, in fact he sleeps better at nursery than home. I'm going to try and see how he goes tonight with a little extra time awake and at least it all fails I haven't got to worry about work. It has been up for 5 hours before bed time before, but it wasn't on a nursery day.

I'm so glad you get used to it quickly, that's great to hear. I just want next week to be over with so I know what I'm in for 😂

I'm genuinely looking forward to longer awake times, it makes life so much "easier"

Thank you ❤️