How do you make any plans when your toddler fights naps everyday?

[Avonacha]

Genuine question, trying to sound moany but I'm at my wit's end. 18mo DD has phases (weeks long) where she will do anything and everything to avoid napping. I try and make plans (soft play, play dates, errands etc) but I'll see her yawn or rub her eyes and decide to try and get her down for a nap...2 hours later she is still awake and just cranky, at which point I wonder, is it even worth taking her anywhere because she will just meltdown or doze off in the car for 15 mins and wake up in a rotten mood. I don't know if I'm overthinking this, but she genuinely is in such a bad mood when tired and she also doesn't nap anywhere but home or in the car. I feel like I'm just trapped at home in a constant battle to get her to nap.

At bedtime she puts up no resistance at all, she knows it's time for proper sleep. She wakes up once or twice and DH can usually settle her quickly and sometimes sleeps through. Wakes up around 5/5.30 which I find exhausting but ah well, that's life!

Anyone been through this? How did you plan anything? I am either late for EVERYTHING because she falls asleep from sheer exhaustion after a long battle, or we go and she is in a horrendous mood and tantrums left right and centre....or as has become the norm now, we just don't go :(

We would try and time it so DC fell asleep in the car on the way back from any trip out (and drive around for a bit longer if necessary to make sure they did).
Or if that wasn't possible, we'd set off really early and use the car to make them fall asleep before the trip/activity.

DC2 wouldn't nap for us unless in the car or buggy by that age (napped just fine at nursery) so I gave up trying to settle them at home

My two both dropped naps altogether at about 12 months. Maybe she just isn’t tired enough for a nap every day, what about trying a nap every other day? We did that for a bit when they started dropping naps.

You simply do not adhere to a strict plan, you just go with the flow until you get used to the napless stage.

Roughly what does your day look like? Does she start every day at 5:30? What time do you try for a nap and bedtime? Sounds like your nap time varies quite considerably from day to day, depending on when she looks tired?

Sounds over tired to me, not under tired.

The average toddler has only just dropped from 2 naps to 1 nap at 18 months.

What time are you generally trying to get her to nap at? Sounds like over tired? Particularly if she’s waking at 5/530..
My boy was waking that early for a while - but we kept quite strict with the 1230 nap time (at home
In cot and same in nursery)

He’s 22 months now and we still keep to that and he sleeps roughly 2 hrs. But I worked a lot on naps and a good routine as in the early days he didn’t nap at all and it was hard going..!

Really, @FATEdestiny? I mean, the books may recommend this but is that actually true for real life walking/talking toddlers?

DS is 16 months and has only had one nap a day for a looooong time.

@Justmeandmycats

Really, *@FATEdestiny*? I mean, the books may recommend this but is that actually true for real life walking/talking toddlers?

DS is 16 months and has only had one nap a day for a looooong time.

Yep, my son is 20 months and has only been on one nap for about a month

Yes, for actual walking-talking toddlers Justmeandmycats.

You will occasionally come across a 12 month old genuinely ready to drop to one nap, just as you occasionally come across a 2 year old still needing daily 2-nap days. Both extremes are rare though.

That said, lots of babies drop to 1-nap before they are actually ready. So there are more 12 month olds on 1-nap than the Bell-Curve would suggest. That's more to do with parental input (or lack of) rather than baby actually being ready.

I found DS wake windows at around 10 months we’re around 4 hours (no idea if normal or not) so if he woke at 730 nap would be after an early lunch 1130-12 and sleep until 130-2

The tricky bit was definitely when he’d flag at 6.

He’s now more like 5 hours so one nap is 12-2. I don’t know how I’d have got the second nap in!

I wasn’t being snarky by the way - was genuinely astonished (and jealous!)

What time are you trying to get her to nap At that age I didn't plan anything for the afternoon - we'd go out in the morning, usually have lunch or snacks out, then head home (either in the car or long walk) and he'd fall asleep. Then transfer from car/pram to cot. He needed a long nap (about 2 hours) so it took up most of the afternoon. Then out for a walk or potter around the house until bedtime.

Go out in the morning and come home for couple of hours & have lunch then aim for nap 12.30-2.30 & then go out for a bit in the afternoon.

We had same routine most days & it was same as childminder.

Going out doesn't need to be soft play - just something out the house. Local park, supermarket, walk to local shop, visit a friend. Just to keep them entertained. If they're up at 5.30 then out & about for a few hours say 9.30-12.30 they should be tired enough for a nap.

I think you need a regular nap time every day. I would aim for 12 ish. Go out in the morning, get home by 11.30, lunch then sleep. Do whatever it takes to get her to sleep until she's used to the set time. Once she's in a pattern you can be more flexible but to start with ensure you are at home at nap time every day.

If she's falling asleep on the way home, move the naptime forward a bit but be consistent

I don't know any 18 month olds that still have 2 naps. 15 months yes but not 18.

I used to do things early - 9.30 or 10 - and be back for an early lunch by 11.30-12 and then sleep. Sometimes I'd do a meet up at 3 or 4. Lunchtime outings with that age I always found too hard.

Thanks all for your responses. I've observed her and done a lot of thinking over the long weekend and I think some of you are right - she's over tired. I think because she's been sleeping through, the possibility of her still not having enough sleep didn't really cross my mind. I think she wakes up tired and gets worse and worse, and by the time it's nap time (variable day to day as I used to just follow her cues before and this used to work), she's in a ridiculously silly mood from being over tired and cannot wind down!

She had a 2 hour nap today and woke up initially in an okay mood, but after an hour it was back to tantruming and eye rubbing etc. So I've cancelled any afternoon plans today and am going to try and get her to bed extra early to see if that helps break the cycle of over tiredness. If she does go down earlier today I think I will stick with the earlier bedtime. Does this seem reasonable?

Just to add, she is extremely strong willed and her temperament can be quite a lot to handle in general and this is partly why (I think anyway) I can never just "make her nap at xyz time" unless and just usually follow her cues. Clearly I've been misreading them recently!

just usually follow her cues

Children, almost universally, respond better to predictable routines. I'd suggest getting up every day to a set routine, breakfast at a set time, lunch at a set time and then nap at a set time.

2h lunchtime nap is on the short side for an 18 month old. I'd be expecting 3h to 4h daytime sleep (and 11h to 12h overnight). My suggestion would be to make nap time earlier by a good hour (or more), to try to make it longer.

Agree with FATEdestiny

and just usually follow her cues

It's not popular on MN to follow a routine but honestly it works best. Nursery & childminders all have a routine and so do schools.

I don't think it's a good idea to follow cues - set your routine & then do same every day.

I have always loved a routine and so has my son. We go out 9am -11:45am ish.
Then home. Good. Nap at 12:30pm

Sensory play and books in afternoon, maybe a walk with the bike.

I found it more relaxing to have a routine and we do really fun stuff each morning.

Food** not good ha. I wasn't Congratulating myself

Thanks again for your responses. I'm honestly not exaggerating but if I just enforce a nap time it's always ended badly. She just gets hysterical (to an unimaginable level) and it's plain ugly, hence the following her cues thing- but that's obviously also redundant now. Life would be much easier if I had a predictable and rigid routine to work to! I'll try again though and see...but I don't imagine her temperament to change much. We've only just mastered a battle free bedtime a few months ago.

I never decided to put them down for a nap, I just went along to all my plans, they came too, if they went to sleep they went to sleep and if they didn’t they didn’t.

I didn’t count daytime sleep duration or frequency and sure sometimes it was awkward if they’d just dropped off in eg the car and I had to wake them up, but that’s life.

I got very little sleep for years - one child wouldn’t sleep anywhere but a silent darkened room from 4 months but I couldn’t spend my life sitting in a silent dark room so they couldn’t either!

Maybe if you stop trying to make her sleep, she might start!

Second the PPs. As soon as they are down to one nap I think routine is key. They need to be hungry, but not too hungry to eat and tired, but not too tired to sleep. I think a routine really helps with that predictability.

My DS and all of his wee mates didn’t get the memo about a 3-4h nap though 😬 2h was good for us at 18 months, but we did (and still do get) 11h-11.5h overnight.

At 18 months, our routine was roughly
7am wake
7:30 breakfast
Get ready/play 7:30-9
9-11ish out the house
Lunch 11:45
Nap 12:30-14:30
Play 14:30-15:30
Snack 15:30
Park 15:30-16:30
Tea 17:45
In bed for 19:30, asleep before 20:00

We've always just done activities so DD sleeps in the car normally on the eay home as then i could leave her to have her full nap in the car on the driveway or i would move to her cot.

I used to just organise activities for morning before 1st nap if she was in a difficult nap period, but DD has always napped wherever when out and about so i would just carry on and she would fall in asleep in car or pushchair

I don't imagine her temperament to change much

Too add to my previous post, DS was an incredibly fussy, sleep fighting, high needs baby. Has mellowed as a toddler but still knows exactly what he wants and isn’t afraid to get it. I genuinely think children like this need routine more than the easy going, chilled out ones. It helps them stay regulated. DS’ behaviour is 100 times worse on days we screw with his routine. It took us a long while to implement it, but life got exponentially better when we did.