I need someone to tell me what to do!

[SingingWaffleDoggy]

I have an 11 month old who strongly believes she cannot possibly even consider the concept of sleep if not on my chest or in a moving pushchair. This may be my doing, she’s my last baby and I have enjoyed our leisurely afternoon naps together. She has never slept through but would wake for a feed (breastfed) two or three times during the night and go back down very drowsy or asleep. As it was a quick feed and back down I didn’t see the harm in it and figured that as she naturally weaned her wakings would decrease anyway.
We all had Covid a couple of months ago and she was very poorly and would only settle on me, if I went to put her down she would realise and go rigid and start crying inconsolably. This has carried on since. I no longer feed her during the day as I’m going back to work shortly but still feed on settling and during the night.
Over the past couple of weeks she has upped her game with some 2 hour long awake periods in the middle of the night where she grizzles and throws herself around like she can’t get comfy but becomes hysterical if put down. When I do manage to get her in her cot asleep she (understandably) wakes upset after half an hour or so when she becomes aware that she is no longer on me.
I am so incredibly tired and will be returning to a fast paced role where I need to be really on the ball in a few weeks.
I have started a pre bedtime routine so she knows what’s coming with teeth, book and lullaby but the second I try to put her down she is wide awake and sobbing. I tried the increasing time method tonight but it was traumatic for us both, and she ended up winning the battle as when I picked her up to console her (shushing and patting in the cot doesn’t placate her at all) for the 6th time she nestled into my shoulder put her thumb in her mouth and promptly fell asleep.
Do I persevere with leaving her for extending periods of time like the Ferber Method?
What do I do if she wakes in the night? I have a toddler I don’t want to wake.
Do I try to very gradually withdraw? Although it seems to be the hurdle that she will fall asleep in my arms but as soon as I make a move to put her in the cot she kicks off and I don’t know how to cross that bridge?
At the moment she is at the point of dropping the second nap. One nap and she’s an emotional mess by bedtime, two naps and she’s too wired to settle.
I don’t know what to do for the best and sleep deprivation is making my decision making skills non existent, and my emotions all over the place.
Please help me help my baby sleep

I think a Ferber type method might be best approach under circumstances, I know it can be hard but worth sticking to your guns and you'll probably find you don't actually have to do it for all that long. I personally don't think it does any harm to manage one scenario this waty provided you are generally a responsive parent, but I'm sure someone will be along to disagree violently in a minute.

I can so relate OP! I have been there.

When my eldest was a baby he got angrier and angrier with the Ferber method, it was horrendous for us both. When I eventually gave in he’d just fall straight to sleep. We eventually used the gradual retreat method.

My now 8 month old spend 7 months “breast sleeping” he had really bad reflux when he was tiny and couldn’t be laid flat. So co-sleeping just sort of happened. I have sleep trained him and after the first night where it took an hour to settle he has always been asleep by the end of the mins.

My point that whether or not you should continue depends on you and your baby. You should see a fast improvement with Ferber, but if you can’t commit or stomach it don’t start and look at something else.

Also re naps - do some research on a good schedule and wake windows.

I used “just chill mamma” and baby fell straight into a routine.

I’m probably the wrong person to ask because I couldn’t sleep train to save my life but you’ve described DS to a point and he suddenly got better at 12.5 months, he still doesn’t sleep through but he will let me put him back down in the cot.

Lie her down in the cot and pat her to sleep. Do not talk to her or make eye contact. Lie her down if she stands up. Do not pick her up.
Then sit on the floor and pat her.
Gradually retreat, don’t t give in. Keep it going.

Thank you everyone for your replies. It’s really helpful to have a variety of responses.
I would rather try the gradual retreat as it is what I used for my first born. However, I can’t even get her to be in her cot without getting upset on the first place. I could work on gradually holding her closer to the mattress while doing lullaby etc?
I do feel that the Ferber method could be more effective for her even if it breaks my heart. Hence the late night ramble. If it makes it better for us both in the long run it’ll be worth it.
How do you deal with night wakings with the Ferber method? Is it the same as bedtime with the timed periods of response? I can’t have her waking my older child (which is why she’s got away with this for this long), which then brings me full circle back to gentle retreat