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3 1/2 y.o.twin(s)' repeated night time shinnanigans driving us slowly mad...

17 replies

ScummyMummy · 28/10/2002 20:20

Sorry guys, this is a longish one?

Twin boy 1- 3.5 y.o.- is wearing a cast at night to help straighten a bendy foot. This seems to be causing him to wet his bed, having been dry at night for months. He comes in to our room to be changed, usually at around 3-4-5am- I whip off his pjs and dry him off a bit without waking up really as I'm a VERY heavy sleeper- and he climbs into bed with us. I go back to sleep and he proceeds to annoy the pants off my partner by wiggling, sniffing, talking etc etc while my partner responds by telling him off, tutting, humphing and fuming. Eventually the enticing sounds of family disharmony wake the light-sleeping, ever-ready-to-party twin boy 2 and he comes in to join in the fun... Four in a bed when one of them is related to Tigger wakes even me up and usually leads to me changing twin 1's bed and ordering them both back to their own beds. Twin2 is the kind who finds it hard to go back to sleep though. He firmly believes that day begins when he awakes?

This is happening on a nightly/early morningly basis since the cast arrived in our lives a few weeks back and, to be honest, I think I've just accepted it as one of the downsides of family life and been pretty self-absorbed/selfish about it- ie: thought I can cope, so everything's fine. This morning, however, I was woken up at 5 am by partner ranting and fuming that he hasn't had a good nights sleep for weeks and we can't go on like this etc etc. He was really, really upset- to the extent that he didn't come back to bed but started his day at 5am (by doing the washing up!). I'm feeling awful as I didn't realise how badly all this was affecting him- I'm usually in a state more asleep than awake while all this is going on.

So what can we do? Please can I have some ideas/advice?

Twin1 doesn't want to go back in nappies at night- should I insist? I don't want to really as he is being an absolute angel about wearing his cast, even though it isn't comfortable- it's there to bend his bones in the opposite direction from the way they have grown- and makes him very hot and sweaty at night. I don?t want him to get upset about wetting the bed by harping on about nappies and we?ve both tried to be very low key about the bedwetting itself. Has anyone ever tried lifting their kid onto the loo late at night- could this work or does the last time of weeing make little difference to bedwetting? Could lifting be traumatic for him? Think it might work, as part of the problem seems to be that he?s minking about trying to get comfy when he first goes to bed, so getting to sleep later and sleeping more heavily and just not waking when he needs to go for a pee. There?s also a problem in that he?s less mobile with the bloody cast on anyway so it is harder for him to get to the loo fast if he wakes up desperate.

But on the other hand, the bald fact is that he does love the closeness of being in bed with his Dad and me. My partner feels he may be wetting on purpose in order to join us. I?m not totally convinced by this but there may be some element of truth in it. I don?t think my partner would mind if only twin1 would go straight to sleep quietly and in one position (it?s not as if our intimate moments are being disturbed at 4am!) and not pootle about until a crisis point involving the whole family being up and grumpy is reached. Got to nip this in the bud somehow because I hate seeing my partner so down and upset... Advice needed fast!

OP posts:
batey · 28/10/2002 20:32

Just A quick one. Firstly, we used to lift our dd1 when she was coming up to 3 at about 11'ish. She would barely wake and always pee when placed on the potty. It did work until she was able not to wee all night. The only thing I found hard was how heavy she was when asleep, so dh would often do it. HTH for now, wil write more later if I can . How long will the cast be on? Have you a spare room/bed dh could crash in at 4am if Tigger gets too much?

Lucy123 · 28/10/2002 20:33

Wow what a heroine you are Scummy!

I don't actually have kids this old yet, but like to give my opinion anyway so feel free to ignore this....

I remember when one of my siblings went through a bed-wetting stage at about 4/5 years. The doctor prescribed anti-depressants as I recall. Not suggesting that's what you should do, just that it could just be down to him feeling extra insecure etc. (so probably is related to him wanting to get into bed with you, but not on a simple manipulative level). Ok, not really sure how that would help you though!

Perhaps you could bargain your way into getting him to wear a nappy some nights, or buy some of those training pant things that don't really look like nappies (I know they're less absorbent, but they'd be better than nothing). How long is the cast on for anyway? perhaps another solution would be for Dad or you to sleep in a spare bed, so there's more space for the one left with child in the bed?

Mo2 · 28/10/2002 21:11

I haven't got to this stage with ds1 yet either (not trained overnight) but could you make it easier to change the bed and return him to it quickly? e.g. use one of those waterproof mattress cover squares, plus an extra top sheet, and then just whip those two layers off and get him back into bed? Or would that wake you other son?

Clarinet60 · 28/10/2002 22:49

I've had friends who found lifting very successful. Other than that, have you a spare room for you and DS? Just till this phase is over, or DH is going to end up on the sofa .....

Tinker · 28/10/2002 22:55

Oh Scummy, lots of sympathy. My daughter can poo to order if she feels she is being ignored - she won't wipe her own bum either!

However, I wet the bed until I was about 6 (and I definitely did it deliberately - remember making the decision to do it and then calling my dad) In the end, I was prescribed tablets to stop the bedwetting. I'm not suggesting you want to do this long term but it might be an idea for now, maybe?

helenmc · 28/10/2002 23:15

Scummymummy - I reaaly sympathise. One of my twins still come into our bed (she's 5 now), not very often and I end up sleeping in her top bunk!! And yes parents are grumpy if they don't get undisturbed sleep. My eldest dd has on/off bed wetted. She was easily trained then broke her arm and then had a bad year at school. I know now, when she is tired or upset we'll have an accident and we make sure she doesn't drink much juice at night, she goes to the loo before she goes to bed and I lift her around 10:30-11 before we go to bed, and we have very few accidents. It's a real pain as she 8 1/2 and is in a cabin bed and difficult to lift up over the rails. But I know this is only a stop gap. She vaguely knows she's been lifted and isn't tired in the morning. Now twin1, is a different matter she has always come into our bed for comfort, and as she gets bigger there's less room for me . SHe inisists on sleeping in the middle so she doesn't fall out. We did try putting her back inher own bed, but it was like a bomerang. How about 2 different approaches first you lift to stop the weeing and then a little chat saying they can come into your bed after 7am and weekends only. adn have a spare bed/sofa if really desperate. Hope it works out.

Tortington · 28/10/2002 23:49

wow scummy many sympathies. i think your all really nice parents and i feel guilty, but the only advice i can give is no sympathy, no mercy. kids always try it getting ito your bed unless you tell them to sod off you end up with 5 in a bed 4 of them snoring and me smokin 10 fags at 4am. as for bedwetting - couldnt they double up - no that would wake other twin up! hmmm whatabout a spare mattres or camp bed? maybe worth the money if you have it - just to stop the kid in the bed scenario.

Tissy · 29/10/2002 09:11

Lots of sympathy, scummymummy. How about getting one of those absorbent mattress protectors to put under twin 1. When he pees and comes to you, dp could then get up (he's awake anyway) throw it off twin1's bed, and sleep there for the rest of the night. Or do you have a spare room/ bed? My dd has been sleeping really badly because of a cold recently, and we're both exhausted, so are taking it in turns to sleep in the spare room. It's only temporary, after all, and sleep to me is more important than intimacy at the moment (has been for months...)

Tissy · 29/10/2002 09:13

Sorry for duplication, forgot to read all the other posts!

21stcenturygirl · 29/10/2002 09:34

ScrummyMummy

On the climbing into bed with you front, what about using Father Christmas for bribery? We used to say to our DD that, if she started sleeping in our bed, Father Christmas would get confused and wouldn't know where to leave the presents at Christmas and would miss her out. It worked a treat!

Batters · 29/10/2002 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KMG · 29/10/2002 19:40

ScummyMummy - have been thinking about this since I read your post on Monday.

I cannot cope with the kids in bed with us - drives me crazy. Everyone else is fine, but we don't do it, because I get no sleep at all, and turn into a monster. ... Your partner is obviously like this, and I'm not surprised he's at crisis point.

If twin1 is wetting the bed every night, I think you have got to put him back in nappies/pull-ups or something ... that's what they are for, and hopefully this will be a temporary thing.

The other thing is to ask what happens in the middle of the night - does dp help out? On Sunday night ds2 was sick (which he does frustratingly frequently). We (dh and I) know that at that point there is lots to do - bedding to change, sick to clear up in the bathroom, pyjamas to change, and ds2 to comfort and console ... and all this has to be achieved calmly and quietly in order to avoid ds2 waking up completely and wanting to party, and to avoid disturbing ds1, who shares the room. Therefore both of us muck in to do whatever is necessary at that point. If I tried to do it all on my own, we'd have a disaster, because ds2 would be too wide awake. Do you get my point? I know it is different in some ways, but in order for us all to get the sleep we need, we both have to do help out and do the chores at 4 am. ..

WideWebWitch · 29/10/2002 21:41

Scummy, sounds awful. Can only think of trying lifting him last thing and seeing if that helps. And then maybe a star chart for not coming in with you two and then see how it goes when the cast comes off. I agree that you need to nip this in the bud. Will post more if I think of anything useful.

Bozza · 29/10/2002 21:45

Scummy I think KMG makes a good point. If your DP got involved earlier maybe things wouldn't escalate to DS ending up in bed with you. I think the idea of two layers of bedding seperated by a waterproof sheet would also help. Good luck BTW!

tigermoth · 30/10/2002 09:27

Hi, scummy, how well I know that scenario of sething husband, blissfully unaware me. Like you I can sleep for England and easily get back to sleep if woken. You're a better woman than me - I've never thought to post here for advice on
how to get my dh a good night's sleep

For what it's worth I'd react quickly to this. Change your son as soon as he gets into bed with you, carry him back to his bedroom, lay him on the floor on a a soft cushion or towel for a minute, whip off the wet sheets and plonk him back in his own bed before he has a chance to realise what's up.

If the wetness is not too bad, I find putting a soft bathtowel over the mattress - even over a damp sheet - is very effective. Then do a proper bed change in the morning. A bit sluttish, but as long as your son is in a dry bed that's the main thing.

Mel · 30/10/2002 16:19

My eldest wasn't dry at night until he went to Jnr school and DS2 seems to be following in his footsteps - there is also a history of long term bed wetting on DH's side of the family, and mine. I found that lifting didn't work for us, but night time pants did (we always called them big boy pants). They were comfy, the bed stayed dry and no middle of the night disturbances. We said that when they were dry for 2 weeks then DS1 didn't have to wear them. We did try leaving them off occassionally, but the bed was always soaked and DS1 got very upset. It was a painless solution for us. I doubt your DS is doing it deliberately, so give the pants a go until he's out of his cast. It will probably give you back those uninterrupted nights. He is only 3.5, so don't panic too much about it.

helenmc · 03/12/2002 21:55

scummymummy - how are the nights now???

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