Ahhh please help!! Advice for bed for headbanging child

[TinyDancer275]

Hi there
I'm desperately searching for a bed for my daughter who severely head bangs at nights on her cot.
We have seen a consultant after nearly a years wait and they said she's fine, just leave her. But the stress of it all is really seriously taking its toll on us as a family.
She bangs and cries when put down and then Wakes up in the night, again banging and crying for 3-4 hours .
.
Tried her in my bed, just results in the same behaviour, so we are now thinking to get her a bed, so at least I can lie in it sometimes, rather than the cot. ( which is small!)

Only thing is, just don't know where to start!!
We need something padded or to put bedguards on every single side. I can't really think.properly due to lack of sleep.

Has anyone been in this situation?

I had seen some special foam beds for autistic children which looked actually fantastic, but they were over £3000 which is completely out of our range!!

Xx

She is 2 years 4 months

DH apparently used to do this as a child - some sort of self-soothing thing! No advice but he did grow out of it!

Is she banging and crying even if you are beside her when she wakes up? How's her communication?

Oh we had a kind of memory foam style bedguard that goes under the sheet for DD to stop her rolling out.

Milliard Bed Bumper Foam Safety Rail Guard for Cot Bed/Toddler Junior Bed with Non-Slip Hypoallergenic Waterproof and Washable Cover; Bed Rail for Toddlers, Kids, Adults and Seniors https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0748XPZHR/ref=cmswwrcppapiiiB5QYAJ4D33YQSE9HRMG0?encoding=UTF8&psc=1

Would that be any use?

How does she get to sleep? Can you not rock or cuddle her to sleep?

Whereabouts are you OP ? I found this one on ebay: www.ebay.co.uk/itm/403571712451?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&mkrid=711-127632-2357-0&ssspo=nnn3utimrbc&sssrc=2349624&ssuid=&var=&widget_ver=artemis&media=COPY

Search for safe surround beds.

Hi @Hugasauras oh thank you for that. That looks good but it would need to b something a lot higher as she sits up and bangs her head back / headbutts the end of cot. I'd seen those before and they look good though so thank you anyway!!
Yes her communication is delayed but its coming on a bit more now.

@Dejavuvuzella hi. Yes well I go in and soothe her and she goes off eventually but as a general rule I try not to get in the cot with her now as I did this lots last year and initially she would b happy but then the crying qnd banging would reduce, often resulting in me getting hit in the facewhen she threw her head back as just no room in the cot. So decided to try stop sleeping with her in it!!

Sorry, would resume, not reduce

Would a montessori bed suit you both?

Ah my son did this! He still does it some nights now and he's nearly 5. It's a way of self soothing. But the banging would wake me, so In the end I purchased a roll of unholstery foam, cut 4 lengths to size and shoved it between his mattress and the cot sides. He's in a bed now and still has a piece between his mattress and the headboard.

Does she do it if she goes to bed in your bed

Oh @TinyDancer275 this must be so difficult for you.

Could you get some kind of cushioning that can be permanently secured to the wall all around the bed (heights to suit your needs) and have her in a bed or on a mattress? I'm thinking there will then be some protection for her/ noise reduction for you- it must be awful hearing her doing that.

Also a mattress stops her falling out although she could get anywhere in the room then an do it... Does she climb out of the cot/ do you think a bed would work?

Thank you for all your comments / suggestions!!

@Lacedwithgrace ah I haven't seen those montessori beds before - I shall have a look now! Thank you.

Hi @Ellie5341 she doesn't currently get out of the cot. She maybe will if a bed.... so could be making life worse but just thought if there was a bed, at least could try comfort her by getting in it myself and even maybe going off to sleep, which i cant when I'm in the cot. She prob would still bang but not as much!

Im thinking maybe bedguards around the sides and bottom of the bed? And maybe a bed with a padded headboard. Eluld have to be away from the wall as she would crack her head on it! Xx

@Reluctantadult ahh yes it is a form of self soothing isn't it! Does your son not do it as badly now?

@Saltyquiche yes, she does
Initially she is happy to be in my bed, then she just cries, headbanging, throws her bunny out and then also nearly falls out herself so it's just a nightmare and she ends up going back in her cot. Iv only done this a handful of times, bringing her into my bed. It was a last resort but if she had started to settle and was happy in my bed then I would've definitely co slept but she just doesn't.

So she's banging her head on the headboard of your bed also? Could you get a bed for her that doesn't have a headboard, Or a removable one? Then use the foam bumpers to stop her falling out?

No he doesn't do it as badly now.

@Reluctantadult oh that's good! ... so maybe she will calm down as she gets older ( fingers crossed!)

@WoMandalorian yes, she does , but not as much if she comes into my bed. She's initially excited but then gets upset as though she can't get to sleep.
I do wonder if I'm doing something wrong, I wish there was a book which would tell me and I'd follow it exactly!
Last night she woke bright as a button at 12.30 wise awake, banging crying. After going in once and briefly lying her back down, walking out again. I left it, but then the banging started after about an hour, so she had bed awake. Then I just actually brought her in my bed and she was so happy, then there was banging but not as much, and she fi alky went to sleep at 4.15 am so I carried her back into her room.
So it made me think yes definitely just need to get a bed, any bed!! Then at least can lie with her.
She usually has a nap and yesterday she had such a busy day, she was outside playing in the garden, jumping on the trampoline. She went to bed about 8 ( didn't go off till 9).
Ahhhh I don't know
Sorry for all the ramblings!!! Thank you for listening xx

You're probably not going to stop the banging. I know it can be upsetting to watch and you probably think it's not normal and you need to stop it somehow. But honestly now she's learnt it, she might be using it to self sooth so if you go in and try to stop it, you're actually stopping her soothing herself and fueling her waking up. I speak from personal experience, we ended up having to work with a sleep consultant to get out of a 2hr long wake up in the middle of the night every night. Instead, just make her cot /bed safe, muffle the noise in a safe way, and leave her to it. I don't mean don't respond to her needs, but banging isn't a need.

@Reluctantadult thank you for that, I appreciate your honesty. I think you're right. Just something we have got to live with but make the bed as comfy as possible. Xx

My son did this until he was probably about 10. It started after his dummy was removed, self-soothing apparently. He's 20 now and luckily doesn't do it now. The worst time was when we were in a caravan in France and he rocked the whole thing by head banging 😂 it's quite disturbing to watch, but apparently his dad and grandad used to do it too. I just made sure he had lots of pillows and the headboard had felt behind it so it didn't bang on the wall.

Just a single or double mattress on the floor?

Hi, did you ever resolve this issue? I’m going through the same problem and it’s so distressing x

Hi @Amyj12

Oh noo I'm sorry - how old is your little one?

So my little one ( I still don't know how to use the abbreviations!!) Is now 4.
It is so much better sleep wise - she generally sleeps through.

She still head bangs every night before she goes to sleep, if she wakes up at night and every morning. This is how we know she is awake because the banging starts.

We ended up getting her a bed with a padded headboard- it was the best thing we ever did. Yes, it didn't discourage her from the banging, but it ensured that she was safe whilst she did / does it.

I feel happy to leave her banging now as I know she's not hurting herself xx

Please message back, I hope you're ok and I'm sure it's a very stressful time. I remember it being awful but just reading back over this thread took me right back to when I was feeling so desperate.

It has definitely got better for us and I'm sure it will for you too xx

Hi! Just wanted to share my experience for you or anyone else.

My 2.5 year old daughter head bangs to sleep as well, and has been doing this for over a year. She first did the head banging in her crib on the side wall (so loud). So, I put her in a floor bed, but then she would crawl to the floor/door and bang (super loud). Now she has carpet so does it there or on hard wall. She also rocked her head back and forth as an infant. Every doctor I spoke to said it’s normal for some kids. As long as there isn’t a development delay or head banging concern during the day, they say it’s normal. It’s super traumatizing (as you know!) but I’m getting used to it (still sucks). I tried padding but she ripped it off the wall, I tried a soft rug, blankets and she moved it. She does do it less some days, and sings to herself to sleep (so much nicer), or less when we travel and she is in the porta crib, so might just keep her in a porta crib because less intense and softer on her head!

If you or anyone has any more helpful info, I’m all ears! Otherwise, I just let her do her thing. She is better and sleeps through the night now (as of 2 months ago). I still breastfeed too so thought that was enough soothing—evidently not ha!